to think DH should pay for holidays, cars, nights out etc...

[Wiggletastic]

when he earns three times as much as me and we split all other bills? I also do 80% of childcare, household chores and organising of everything in our lives (I work the equivalent of 4 days and he works full-time). He has seriously pissed me off stating that I should pay for myself for holidays and he will only pay for him and DD. He has pointed out that I can afford to go for nights out and weekends with my friends so could put this cash towards a holiday instead. I think if I work hard and provide a nice easy life for him and DD, then I'm entitled to have the odd night out.

[whathaveiforgottentoday]

You need to sit down and have a good chat about your finances. His attitude is unacceptable. Work out the childcare and cleaning costs and give him a bill. I'm another that thinks a marriage should be joint finances.

We have a halfway house where we add a proportion of our wages into a joint account that covers all bills and more. What's left in our accounts is ours to spend per month. Even then we both put excess in a joint savings account but does give him a bit of freedom to buy what he likes without running it by me (he's the spender in our family!).

[TendonQueen]

So much wrong with this but for starters say, 'right, you take her on holiday then and I'll relax somewhere else'. He won't like that since you're meant to be unpaid childcare at all times.

[arethereanyleftatall]

I'm trying to fathom where he's coming from, and how he can possibly not understand he has to contribute more financially.
Where you have written you have money fir nights out, does that mean he doesn't have money for nights out?

[alltouchedout]

Tell him he has to pay you for the childcare and housework he doesn't do, then.

DH and I have had some ridiculous arguments over the years but we have always, even when just moved in together, unmarried and without kids, had an all - finances - shared - equally arrangement. Sometimes I've brought more in, sometimes he has, but that never matters. Everything is ours jointly.

[IceRoadDucker]

YANBU. Don't understand this attitude at all.

[MangoBiscuit]

Then perhaps he can start paying you for his share of the childcare, cooking, housework, etc etc etc. Work out how much he'd pay to outsource those things, then bill him. Bastard.

[NewLife4Me]

What sort of man expects his wife to pay for things herself.
Yes, I know we are equal and all, but when he earns so much you'd think he'd be more than happy to pay for almost everything.
I never understand this his and her money tbh.

OP both earnings should be declared and the amount halved then if you want to put so much from each account into a joint account to pay bills, this will help to keep track.
Then, equal amount into savings etc, same amount of disposable income for each of you, otherwise it isn't fair.
Could never be with a man like this. Get him told OP.

[lalaloopyhead]

That's insane! What happens if you don't have enough for your share, is he going to go on holiday without you? I earn roughly twice as much as Dh but we work things so we have the same spare cash each month and everything else is pooled.

Your dh has a very strange attitude to money and to you....

[Carbsnomore]

Total arse. You deserve better.

[bessiebumptious2]

I second what a pp said - go on a separate holiday. He can take DD and you can take books and wine!! That'd be my idea of heaven

Seriously - I couldn't bear to live like that, it would feel so disjointed and I'd feel absolutely no loyalty from him whatsoever.

[TheGreenNinja]

If you are married, it's all joint money, regardless of which account it goes into and who pays what. But at the very least, why aren't the bills split proportionately?
I know a couple who arranged their finances the same way as you, and the woman ended up running up huge debts because she felt she wasn't entitled to ask her partner to pay for things.

[Ambroxide]

This is awful, OP. It isn't fair in the slightest. He doesn't care about you.

[littlequestion]

I'm always surprised by couples who don't have joint accounts. If everything goes in the same pot, there's less "but I paid for this, now you pay for that", surely?

[Akire]

So he dosn't have time for housework but that ok because he gets it for free by you, so shares in the benefit of you working 4 days.

He works 5 days and keeps all the benefit for himself.

If you have to deal with the less pay he gets deal with his share of home stuff. Stop doing his washing or picking up his stuff for staters.

[arethereanyleftatall]

I think lots of married couples do t have joint accounts, but work it out some other way - this is absolutely fine if both parties are perfectly happy with the setup.
Completely different scenario though when they're not, as in the op.

[BrieAndChilli]

If you have to pay 50% of the bills then everything else should be split 50/50.
Either divide up the chores and childcare and give him his list or work out cost of childcare and cleaner and gardener an extra takeaways/convene with food and and tell him you are going back full time and he has to pay his half of all that.

[Chottie]

What a mean, petty, controlling man........

[roundaboutthetown]

So, is your dh miserable at work, wanting to reduce his hours and be the one to pick up your dd and do the housework, but feeling unable to because the family couldn't afford for him to do it as well as you? Or just a complete wanker?

[peggyundercrackers]

Yes of course he should pay for holidays, cars, nights out etc. Etc. all because he earns more than you... It doesn't sound like a partnership OP - sounds like you are taking advantage of someone who earns more than you.

[acasualobserver]

I'm entitled to have the odd night out

Of course you are and so much more. You are entitled to financial equality and parity of esteem for the work you do in the marriage. I would not know where to begin in dealing your OH's attitude - it is so removed from what is fair and decent.

[MissMooMoo]

well fuck him!
DH makes more than me, we each pay a certain percentage towards are mortgage and bills (based on our salary, DH is an accountant and showed me how he worked it out) we both get the same amount into our own personal accounts for spending on whatever we please and the leftover goes into a savings account for things like dinners out, holidays etc.
DH basically is paying into the savings account himself but would never ever say it was HIS money.

[witsender]

Tosspot.

[Breadandwine]

He said that me working part time is not relevant as I enjoy it!!

Pffff!!!

You are enabling him to go out to work and earn 3 times as much as you do. Ergo, you are entitled to half his money!

[ImperialBlether]

What did he think being married involved? What are his parents like? Did his mum have to pay for her own holidays?

I couldn't be doing with someone like this. It's not just being tight, it's being utterly selfish and thoughtless and unkind. This is not a man who loves you and wants the best for you. What did he mean by "love, honour and cherish" exactly?

Go onto the Entitled To website and see what you'd be entitled to on your own. Go onto the Child Support website and check there, too. (One doesn't affect the other.) It might give you a few options that you hadn't considered.

[airforsharon]

I don't understand his logic re the comment about your working part time being irrelevant because you enjoy it......would he rather you didn't work? Does he resent you having some financial independence? Or would he prefer you to work more? And if so, does he understand how much that would cost you - as a family?

I would do as PPs have suggested - balls to him, pay for a lovely holiday for just you and DD. Meanness is an ugly trait.