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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not feel sorry for this man begging for money on the road

205 replies

bellaSorela · 04/02/2016 20:24

by the great Cambridge road and saw a man with a sign saying:
"I have no food or money, I have 2 children, I don't speak any English, please help me"

He was looking at us as we were the nearest car to him, my friend wanted to give him money and i said NO don't give him anything and she wanted me to give him the money as i was the driver and the man was on my side but i said no and drove off.
She thinks i was harsh for this but all i was thinking is, if you don't speak English and have no money, how and why are you here?

Do you think i'm wrong for this?

I'm the same with beggers in general, I use to give money but you give money to one the rest will come, like at my local shopping park which junkies have over taken, knocking on peoples windows for money when you are waiting to leave the car park because people are always giving them money now they harass everyone.

maybe i am harsh?

OP posts:
AlwaysHopeful1 · 04/02/2016 20:30

I do think you were wrong in stopping your friend from giving him any money.

usual · 04/02/2016 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Battleshiphips2 · 04/02/2016 20:33

I don't give money but I have bought food and a hot drink for homeless people before. It's hard to know what to do.

RudeElf · 04/02/2016 20:36

I think youre ignorant.

Griphook · 04/02/2016 20:39

Do you ever get think you could become homeless? If you lost your job? Or a family member was made redundant or unable to work?

Battleshiphips2 · 04/02/2016 20:39

Sorry forgot to say yabu to stop your friend for giving him something. Everyone has got to make their own decisions. Plus you are unreasonably to say all I was thinking is, if you don't speak English and have no money, how and why are you here?

NerrSnerr · 04/02/2016 20:41

Your friend can give money to who she wants. You're not her owner.

You sound lovely OP, full of empathy.

Believeitornot · 04/02/2016 20:41

Yes you were wrong.

You do realise he's a human being? The same as you and I, he has needs, he gets hungry and he gets cold. As do other "beggars".

They're people. And yes some will be druggies but they're still people.

Flashbangandgone · 04/02/2016 20:41

if you don't speak English and have no money, how and why are you here?

Have you even heard of Syria?

willowsummers · 04/02/2016 20:44

I got told off for giving to a beggar once, by a policeman, to the amusement of one of my friends.

If the man is from Syria Hmm he shouldn't really be out on the streets begging!

Mooey89 · 04/02/2016 20:45

Assuming this is genuine, I'll humour you.

YABU.
For all of your post but a few highlights were: 'junkie' 'beggar' 'doesn't speak English'.

Hope are never hungry, OP.

Flashbangandgone · 04/02/2016 20:46

Ps. I understand why you might feel giving money, but the fact you don't feel an ounce of sympathy and immediately judge him as being worthless is very sad, and I'm afraid you come across as small-minded, very ignorant and heartless.

SurferJet · 04/02/2016 20:46

Yabu - seeing people sleeping rough on the streets actually makes me cry. It could happen to any of us.
& I don't care if they're addicts - that could be any of us too.

TiredOfIntolerance · 04/02/2016 20:46

Why shouldn't he be here just because he doesn't speak English? There are English people all over the world who don't speak the language of the country they live in.

willowsummers · 04/02/2016 20:49

I don't know about that, Flash

I read 'Stone Cold' (popular set texts in schools) as a teenager in the 90s and was horrified by the heartless attitudes showed my many towards the homeless.

Now, my attitude is probably pretty heartless on the surface at any rate. It isn't that I don't have compassion, but I feel that once someone is homeless, their problems are pretty vast and just can't be addressed with spare change. So I don't give.

I do feel sorry for them, but more about their lives in general to be honest, and I don't like people trying to tug on my heartstrings so that sign would probably have irritated me as well.

Potatoface2 · 04/02/2016 20:49

went into car park, man parked next to me...walked to precinct....man from car park was sat begging outside McDs......he had a better car than me!.....so no you are not being unreasonable, there are lots of scammers about, some of them see it as a business....sad as it takes away from genuine people

ALaughAMinute · 04/02/2016 20:49

I feel sorry for beggars because most of them have hit hard times and/or are mentally ill. I would buy them something to eat but I would never give them money because they might spend it on drink or drugs.

VinoTintoPorFavor · 04/02/2016 20:49

She thinks i was harsh for this but all i was thinking is, if you don't speak English and have no money, how and why are you here?
Was that you trying to excuse yourself from being considered harsh? It doesn't - it makes you sound like a bigot.

Do you think i'm wrong for this?
Yes. Your friend can do what she wants with her money.

I don't like giving cash to beggars but they're human beings too and don't deserve people like you making assumptions and looking down on them.

ilovesooty · 04/02/2016 20:52

You're free to have your (imo) ignorant attitude. Let your friend have the freedom to see things differently.

And I get heartily tired of seeing words like "junkies".

usual · 04/02/2016 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pseudonym99 · 04/02/2016 20:53

He would probably spend any money on drink or drugs. If he is that desperate, there are charities which will help him. If anyone wants to help the homeless, give to the charities.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/02/2016 20:55

You shouldnt have stopped your friend from giving money, if that's what she wanted to do with it. However.

Although personally I don't give money to street beggars. I give a fair amount to charity, but my chosen charities. I wouldn't give to anyone in that situation.

PurpleDaisies · 04/02/2016 20:55

She thinks i was harsh for this but all i was thinking is, if you don't speak English and have no money, how and why are you here?

For having no sympathy at all for someone clearly living a very tough life on the streets, yes you were harsh.

RudeElf · 04/02/2016 20:55

their problems are pretty vast and just can't be addressed with spare change

Not even hunger?

80sMum · 04/02/2016 20:56

I agree with the OP. Giving money to beggars is seldom the right thing to do.

A couple of articles about this here and here