To not feel sorry for this man begging for money on the road

[bellaSorela]

by the great Cambridge road and saw a man with a sign saying:
"I have no food or money, I have 2 children, I don't speak any English, please help me"

He was looking at us as we were the nearest car to him, my friend wanted to give him money and i said NO don't give him anything and she wanted me to give him the money as i was the driver and the man was on my side but i said no and drove off.
She thinks i was harsh for this but all i was thinking is, if you don't speak English and have no money, how and why are you here?

Do you think i'm wrong for this?

I'm the same with beggers in general, I use to give money but you give money to one the rest will come, like at my local shopping park which junkies have over taken, knocking on peoples windows for money when you are waiting to leave the car park because people are always giving them money now they harass everyone.

maybe i am harsh?

[HelpfulChap]

We make donations to 6 charities. I never give money to beggars.

[HermioneWeasley]

Agree that spare change given the individuals is not the best way to address the problem.

Apparently there's an app in London where if you see someone homeless you can make a donation of a small amount (or large if you like) and it goes to a charity that helps homeless people, But the clever bit is that because you've done it on your phone, the team know there's someone there who needs their help and can go and offer services. sounds like a really good idea to me.

[scarednoob]

YANBU not to give money. I usually offer to buy a sandwich or whatever they want to eat. Like a PP, I used to give cash, but got stung by a few scammers, including a couple who took it in turns to be in the wheelchair. I figure anyone who is genuine won't say no to food (but I was a bit at the guy who asked for an extra large natural yoghurt and a raw courgette - the mind boggles) and it won't go on drugs.

YABU to stop your friend from doing whatever she wanted to do, IMHO.

[willowsummers]

At best, only very temporarily, Elf, and there is the additional problem of numbers - you may give some money to a homeless person who is able to assuage their hunger for a while, but what about the one after that?

[willowsummers]

Really interesting articles 80sMum; both compassionate and sensible.

Thank you for the links.

[herethereandeverywhere]

Regardless of how the OP phrased her post, I thought that advice was not to give cash to people begging and claiming to be homeless but instead to give to homeless charities (and perhaps in this case one for refugees) to ensure your money goes to the right place and not, for example, to people traffickers, organised gangs or drug dealers? I can't imagine there is much chance to do any due diligence on the accuracy of the cardboard sign, written in English by the non-English speaker...

OP your advice to your friend sounds sensible, though your post sounds somewhat callous.

[CauliflowerBalti]

Giving money to homeless people on the street isn't recommended, even by homeless charities. It is not the best, most effective way to tackle the problem.

I always give to homeless people. Food, hot drinks, money, pay it forward boards in cafes... It takes a special kind of ice cold cynic to conclude they're a scammer - I'd rather have a clean conscience and give a con artist £1 than know I could have paid for a hot drink for someone freezing cold with nowhere to go. I'll take my chances.

There but for the grace of God...

[willowsummers]

Cauliflower, do read the first of the two articles linked to above - it's very enlightening.

[SparklyTinselTits]

If you didn't want to give him money, then fine, whatever.
But I think you were wrong to stop your friend from giving him money if she wanted to.
I was on a night out with my DH and some friends last year, when there had recently been an influx of Roma gypsies coming to the area. A lot of them hang around the bars and clubs begging for money, and usually I will either give them spare small change, or walk away. But this particular night, there was a woman, my age (late teens/early 20's), approaching only the women outside the bars. She came to me and kept saying "napkin" which I was a bit at. She also had a tiny, very freshly newborn baby wrapped in her coat I can only imagine she had given birth that day, and was asking women in the street for sanitary towels and money I took her to the tesco express on the same street, bought her some sanitary towels, and gave her £20.
I think sometimes you have to put aside our own judgement, and have some empathy. My DH tells me I am too soft-hearted, but god forbid I ever found myself in that situation, I would hope that someone would give me £1 for a cup of tea.

[aprilanne]

sorry but if cant speak english you have no job why are you here .sorry but don,t we have enough homelessness with people born in this country without others coming in .

[WONAR]

I do think it's a moral grey area, but perhaps you should have left your friend to it - it was her money.

I can see both sides of the argument. Homeless people are human beings, and I've bought food for homeless people before (but not given money). When living in Bristol I always used to stop for a chat with the local Big Issue seller, who was a lovely and honest man.

Having said that, I now work in a town-centre supermarket and the local homeless people come in - daily - asking to swap food that someone has bought them for the original cash amount. (It's always the same people, and the exchange is never allowed.)

As I said, a moral grey area... I guess if you don't want to give them money, then don't do it, but leave others to it.

[goodnightdarthvader1]

There was absolutely no indication he was a genuine beggar. I think most of these are fakers. I'd rather give my money to a homeless charity.

[RudeElf]

At best, only very temporarily, Elf,

Umm yes, given how the human body works most people are only temporarily satiated by food. We dont reject lunch because we're only going to get hungry again at some ooint do we?

[Dollymixtureyumyum]

Apparently most people in this country are four paydays away from being on the street. So basicly most people could manage for four months and then they would lose their house etc etc etc
But I am sure this will never happen to you Op

[willowsummers]

My point (which I think you knew ) is that the 'help' is not, in fact, particularly helpful, and as the article clearly outlines, is actually exacerbating the situation and harming people.

[RudeElf]

"sorry but if cant speak english you have no job why are you here .sorry but don,t we have enough homelessness with people born in this country without others coming in ."

Does that go for those who cant type in proper english either?

[abbsismyhero]

so he cant speak english but he can write it?

i keep a pound in my pocket for beggars some of them might be genuine but im usually approached by the people who have been arrested by the police for lying for money and asking aggressively for cash

[RudeElf]

Maybe someone wrote it for him?

[RudeElf]

Christ the imaginations are really working hard on this thread

[ThisShitCanOnlyGetBetter]

YANBU OP. I am sure if he was from Syria with children in tow, he would be in the system, and receiving financial support. So I would question why he had no food. His sign did not say he was homeless. He obviously could WRITE English.

Honestly some of you are so gullible. Gangs of these people operate at a vast profit.

You ought to go over Eastern Europe and see the Roma begging over there, making their DC perform like monkeys in the street and leaving their newborns lying directly on the concrete path. Really not something we ought to encourage over here.

[CatThiefKeith]

There are many reasons why someone might end up on the street. Abuse, addiction, war, redundancy, and a myriad of other scenarios.

Ever wondered why some children would live on the streets instead have going home op?

I generally give to beggars if I can afford to. Maybe they spend it on food, or a bed for the night, or maybe they spend it on drugs/alcohol. If they do, and it numbs their pain or banishes their demons for a few hours, then I'm afraid I can't find it in me to condemn them for it.

[CatThiefKeith]

Instead of obviously!

[Shakey15000]

Where's your compassion? I despair, I really do. I know it's not directly to do with the OP but seeing those poor children being washed up on the beaches really affected me. And yet I read a LOT of comments about "we should look after our own" What "own"?? Humans?? Who cares where they came from, what language they speak, what brought them to wherever. They are fellow human fucking beings. Homeless. Hungry. Desperate. I say give whatever you can afford. Be it in the form of money, clothes, food, shelter. But don't judge on your way past in your warm car, from your decidedly warmer shelter with a breakfast inside you and clothes on your back and decide they are not worthy of your compassion, much less anything else.

You were wrong on so many levels.

[RudeElf]

He obviously could WRITE English.

Thats not obvious at all.

[NameChanger22]

I give money to beggars and charities. I actually think giving money to beggars is better because it's going directly to someone that really needs it and 80 percent of it isn't going to managers, admin, accountants etc.

If someone asks me for money and I have change I always give them a pound or sometimes 5 pounds. That little bit of money can make a massive difference.

But, I also wonder why my taxes aren't paying for this? Everyone should have a roof over their head and food.

OP, could you have afforded to give this man a pound?