To not feel sorry for this man begging for money on the road

[bellaSorela]

by the great Cambridge road and saw a man with a sign saying:
"I have no food or money, I have 2 children, I don't speak any English, please help me"

He was looking at us as we were the nearest car to him, my friend wanted to give him money and i said NO don't give him anything and she wanted me to give him the money as i was the driver and the man was on my side but i said no and drove off.
She thinks i was harsh for this but all i was thinking is, if you don't speak English and have no money, how and why are you here?

Do you think i'm wrong for this?

I'm the same with beggers in general, I use to give money but you give money to one the rest will come, like at my local shopping park which junkies have over taken, knocking on peoples windows for money when you are waiting to leave the car park because people are always giving them money now they harass everyone.

maybe i am harsh?

[HelpfulChap]

Sure. But you cant help everyone. She (and I for that matter) do our little bit for people we come into contact with. Fair enough in my view.

[KathyBeale]

I meant that I think it's quite sad that he doesn't express a preference. I always say 'ham?' or whatever and check it's okay before I buy it. Bloody hell, you're all poisonous.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Yes that is good.

Also maybe she meant she is glad she helps because he obviously is very hungry.

It could be taken both ways.

But if you give to others you should just give and give to all not just the nice fluffy polite people IMO

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

I xposted while I was saying maybe I took you the wrong way. Sorry.

Am not poisonous. Is interesting subject

[KathyBeale]

And I certainly don't think he's more deserving. The homeless people I see on my way to work are generally asleep bundled up in their sleeping bags. Should I wake them up and ask if they want a sandwich? or should I not buy for the guy outside my office?

[HelpfulChap]

I'll tell Sharon on the way home I only give her change because she is nice, fluffy and polite she'll get a kick out of it.

[SSargassoSea]

I am only occasionally in a city - I am influenced by those around me who appear to never give to beggars. So I don't give. Though I will give to the local big issue seller.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Helpfulchap fill yer boots

[KathyBeale]

Love it, Helpfulchap.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

It's probably true though

[KathyBeale]

I suppose it kind of is true in that I feel like I 'know' the guy outside my office. I've chatted to him and I see him every day. It's not that I think he deserves it and others don't. In its very crudest terms it's probably circumstance. He's right there, next to Pret, he's awake, it's lunchtime, he's hungry, I have my purse with me, Pret take cards and I have no cash...

But it is impossible to give to every person who needs help. It's impossible to give to every charity that needs help. Most people choose charities to support based on personal experience. It doesn't make that help less helpful.

It's nonsense to suggest that you should help everyone or no one.

[HelpfulChap]

Excellent post Kathy

[GruntledOne]

Anybody found begging should (say) be given one warning but should, if they persist, be arrested and taken to the secure hostel.... If they are cooperative then they would be given freedom to come & go as they please; but if they were disruptive then they would be detained & controlled as if they were in prison (until their behaviour improved).

Good grief. Centuries of Habeas Corpus straight down the drain.

[GruntledOne]

OP, can we take it that as soon as you got home you made a donation to Shelter as your way of helping whilst not encouraging begging?

[ShitFacedTinyTim]

Firstly, nobody begs for fun. It is demeaning and hard, and if you arrive at that point it's because you have reached rock bottom and due to problems, addictions, whatever, cannot get money by other means.

As to why he might be here if he doesn't speak English - are you serious?! Because in some countries if you are hold different beliefs - you are an academic, or a liberal, or gay, or simply the wrong ethnicity or religion- you can be stoned to death without trial. Because there is still war, and famine, and oppression in other places than your cosy little corner of England. Why should he not want to come here and live in safety compared to what he may have left behind?

[GreenRug]

There's always so much angst over this subject. My opinion is give if you want to, don't if you don't, no need for any sneery looking down on people. Having very close experience of someone begging on the streets (through being homeless due to alcoholism), it really is a case of there but for the grace of God. It's hard to grasp if you view beggars as some sort of parasite, but yes it really could be you. I don't give anymore, used to always, it's too close for comfort for me and just the act of it makes me way too emotional (crying on way into work, not a good look!), but no need for all this bullshit about who wrote the sign, what if they spend it on xyz, just thank your lucky stars its not you whose life has turned out like this.

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

ShitFaced said: Firstly, nobody begs for fun.

Perhaps not, but not everyone that begs is homeless and in need of genuine help. Where I live (Cheltenham) front page news yesterday in our local rag was the prosecution of a guy who has been going round telling people that his "girlfriend is in hospital and I need to visit her, I have no money, can you give me £10 towards the train fare?" Or, "she's in hospital but I have no credit on my phone, can you give me £10?" Been doing it for ages. He's just been sent down. Not a homeless beggar, but a scammer clearly begging.

It was also very noticeable in the run up to Xmas that we suddenly had twice the number of people begging on the streets during the daytime. It was also in the local rag that two of them were prosecuting because the Police were suspicious and followed them at the end of the day to watch them get on a train back home to Birmingham.

So, sorry, some DO do it for "fun" or because they're good at fleecing the gullible. I'm afraid I will not give money to beggars on the streets but I do support Shelter. I will often offer to buy a beggar food or a hot drink, but on several occasions they have refused the offer and said they'd rather have the money!

[abbsismyhero]

Firstly, nobody begs for fun. It is demeaning and hard, and if you arrive at that point it's because you have reached rock bottom and due to problems, addictions, whatever, cannot get money by other means.

sorry i feel the need to address this i used to be friends with "new age travelers" they used to get benefits (i was working at the time so i didn't see them often) i had a week off once spent some time with them it was an eye opener they shoplifted stole and begged "working" a couple of days a week they made more than i did in a fortnight they got bought clothing food given money they weren't addicted to anything apart from the lifestyle it was easy money this is true for many people yes there are some genuine people out there but not as many as we are led to believe i fear

we have a chap in my town he begs regularly he is a drug addict he makes people believe he has no home he does have a home he is usually joined by a girl who dresses down to beg she has a job and a home you see her one day in her nice clothes all clean sparkling trotting around town day later dirty face sleeping bag and the obligatory dog the obligatory dog gets given dog food and treats she gets a decent meal and cash

[MrsJayy]

If the beggar was a down on his luck English speaking chap would you have flung a quid out your window at him or are you just sneery about all beggars ? Give or not its up to you but sneering at other humans who are destitute is pretty fucking low.

[SalemSaberhagen]

Bloody hell, how was Kathy's post misinterpreted like that?! It's quite obvious what she was saying.

[mommy2ash]

I'm less interested in whether or not you give money to people begging ( don't really like the word beggars) as that is a personal decision. I'm more interested in why you are unable to summon any empathy for a person whose best choice in life is to beg. Surely that's a flaw on your part

[blaeberry]

I do feel sorry for people on the streets begging but I won't give them money. I would (and do) prefer to give money to organisations that provide proper structured support for those in need; Salvation Army, homeless charities etc.

[Birdsgottafly]

""Why should he not want to come here and live in safety compared to what he may have left behind?""

The issue is, that no-one knows this mans history. He might be in the country, legitimately, if he is, then he will get his basic needs provided for. If he isn't, then someone, somewhere should know about him.

This might sound harsh, but begging shouldn't and can't be a persons only means to income.

"No-one begs for fun""

No, they beg for money and depending on your background etc, that dictates how you feel about it. Some people have been sent out begging, as children, in their birth country. We need to work with those people to give them a chance to make their own choices and make a better life.

Recently in Morrocco, we were told not to buy tea or give to the children, because no-one, in the area (not speaking for the entire country) were poor enough to not send their children to the charity provided school. They'd send their DD's out from about 8 years of age, often with younger ones, to earn money.

When we take accept Asylum seekers and Refugees, we shouldn't do so and leave them to a life of begging. It's a culture that we can't allow to continue in the UK. We have a safety net, we need to teach them that. They don't have to accumulate and put away money for when they are sick etc. That's a real fear, for some people, that needs a good funding base to help them recover, psychologically.

I mentioned in my earlier post about well published phone numbers, there should be a service for those holding signs, as in the OP, before we have to involve the Police.

[Bumpsadaisie]

You mean thing, OP.

My view on giving money to beggars is that it is my duty (Christian duty in my case but it could also be an atheist duty if you like) to be compassionate to those less fortunate than me. Whatever the reality of their circumstances, whether or not they are going to take the money and blow it drugs or booze, the fact that they are sitting on a freezing street alone begging means they are less fortunate than me, who has a rewarding well paid job, lovely DH and children and supportive parents.

No one begs on the street unless something is quite seriously wrong. It is their business and their responsibility, what they do with the money. If they have problems, it is their responsibility to seek help if they can and try and get sorted out.

My responsibility is to be compassionate.

[CalicoBlue]

Thinking about this thread on the way into work today. From the station to my office is 5 minutes. I counted 9 homeless people, some begging and others drinking in a group, and three big issue sellers. I have got to know the regulars by site and some I speak to, not the obviously druggy ones though, I find them a bit threatening.

The week before Christmas, the amount on the street more than doubled. A group arrived and took over the usual pitches. The big issue seller complained to me that they were in his pitch. After Christmas they were gone. They had come to beg on a busy shopping street for the Christmas trade.

Apart from buying the Big Issue, I do not give directly to the homeless now. As outlined in Siwans post, I give to the homeless support charities. The Passage in Victoria are a great charity who do a lot for the homeless. There are charities like them in all UK cities.