To not feel sorry for this man begging for money on the road

[bellaSorela]

by the great Cambridge road and saw a man with a sign saying:
"I have no food or money, I have 2 children, I don't speak any English, please help me"

He was looking at us as we were the nearest car to him, my friend wanted to give him money and i said NO don't give him anything and she wanted me to give him the money as i was the driver and the man was on my side but i said no and drove off.
She thinks i was harsh for this but all i was thinking is, if you don't speak English and have no money, how and why are you here?

Do you think i'm wrong for this?

I'm the same with beggers in general, I use to give money but you give money to one the rest will come, like at my local shopping park which junkies have over taken, knocking on peoples windows for money when you are waiting to leave the car park because people are always giving them money now they harass everyone.

maybe i am harsh?

[Kryptonite]

Why are people concerned with money being spent on drink or drugs? Seriously they are on the street, the drink /drugs take the pain away for a while, take the cold away, allows them sleep and allows them a bit of respite from their situation.

I rarely have any spare cash nowadays. If I help people with the little money I do have, I want to know that it's actually helping them. Otherwise what's the point of just giving for drink/drugs money?
Not being frittered away. If I had the money to give beer money away, I'd do it to me as well.

[DancingDinosaur]

Anybody found begging should (say) be given one warning but should, if they persist, be arrested and taken to the secure hostel.

Righty ho dear. Super idea. Lock em all up

[Kryptonite]

I visited a homeless drop in centre in London the other day. The work they do there is fantastic. They give free lunches to 100 homeless people every week day. They offer advice on benefits, healthcare and how to get off the street. They have showers and washing machines.Offer computer classes and access to computers, many use these to contact loved ones.They run art classes and hold group therapy sessions.They do all this with the help of some volunteers, paid staff and lots of donations. No government money. I asked how much it cost to run, they provide this fantastic service for not much more than £300k a year. Every homeless charity I have spoken to says not to give money to the homeless, it only fuels the drug problems. Give them food and drinks or give money to a charity that can help them.
Ace post here by SiwantGwynt

[Kryptonite]

And in my student days I'd give the homeless guys the odd can of lager and a fag. It's fucking freezing on the streets

So buy them a duvet, a hot chocolate and a pasty then. WTF do you think your can of lager and a fag is going to do?!
If you genuinely cared about keeping them warm, you'd donate to a reputable charity like Shelter or if insistent on giving to people directly, you'd do so with something that would properly help them.
Like hot food, and drinks. Or go buy warm clothes.
A can of Special Brew and a fag you're just kidding yourself if that's going to make everything OK for a night.

[Kryptonite]

Oh well, its nice to be in control isn't it

Wayyy to pick out something completely irrelevant to my actual point.

[ilovesooty]

Quite apart from the issues already raised you can't just withdraw alcohol suddenly from dependent drinkers. They can fit and die.

[Birdsgottafly]

In Liverpool where I am, there were well publicised phone numbers to report street sleepers. They would be checked on and offered a bed in one of the newly opened, for winter, accommodation. The main building used was a former warehouse. If they didn't want to go, then they'd have regular night checks/hot drinks/warm clothing etc.

Every city should of have this facility.

There is a large former mansion going to be used for Refuggees. It used to be for people claiming asylum. Rival fighters, from parts of Africa, regularly got into knife fights and it couldn't guarantee the residents safety, so it had to close.

I used to work in an advice Center and we had many men come in, who had been sleeping in the Homeless Hostels, until they were Robbed/Assaulted and a few times raped/sexually assaulted.

It's naive to think it's easy to accommodate street sleepers, some are on the street because of their behaviour/convictions/addictions.

""If you are a refugee, and make it to the uk are you housed in a home, or a hostel? Are you given any help to understand how to open a British bank account?
Can you even open one without utility bills etc? If not, how can any benefits or payments be paid to you? ""

You are housed for 28 days in Government accommodation, then move to hostels. You are given food, clothes and 'essentials'. This moves to an allowance.

By the time you are granted permission to stay and are housed, you have a case worker, similar to someone coming out of prison. Charities help alongside this.

Families have to be split up, because the women and children have often suffered male violence/sexual crimes and they deserve to feel safe.

In Liverpool, there are places that you can get a shower and clean your clothes. It was always nice to see the change in someone, after directing them to those services.

But the reasons behind homelessness, is complex and varies, region to region.

[CatThiefKeith]

Thank you Birds, that's a really informative post.

I can well imagine that a homeless hostel can be a scary place.

[MammaTJ]

I think the OP has probably gone to bed so she can be first in line for her Daily Fail tomorrow morning!

[torthecatlady]

People are entitled to do what they want with their hard earned money. I do like to give to charity, but I choose not to give homeless people money.

History of substance abuse and refuse to (potentially) fund someone's else's habit.

I once offered someone my food as they stopped me walking out of a bakery and they said "Errr... No thanks - have you got some spare change?"

Please note, i'm not saying that every homeless person is an addict or user! Please don't use the word "junkie/junky" OP and remember that it is a person you are talking about.

I will sometimes offer to buy something for them to eat and drink though and if I have time, will offer an ear to listen.

[UnderCrackers5]

My granddaughter is 14.
At Christmas she got the usual inquisition about what she would be when she is all grown up. Apparently she wants to help people, like the local beggars, give them money and wants to be a caring labour politician.

I told her to come around and paint my fence, mow my lawn and trim my hedge, wash my car then I would go and give each beggar a fiver.

She asked me why the beggars shouldn't come around and paint my fence, mow my lawn, trim my hedge and wash my car then get a fiver each.

I advised her to go away and become a conservative politician

[ReallyTired]

You can feel sorry for a beggar, but choose not to give them money. Giving to a homeless charity guarantees that the money won't get spent on alcohol or drugs. People who beg are asking for help and charities are in a better position to know how to get these people back on their feet.

[TitClash]

UnderCrackers5

Thats the oldest one on the internet. Its not a valuable insight or life lesson. Grow up.

[UnderCrackers5]

I agree with titclash. It's the wisdom of the ages

[MistressDeeCee]

I won't give money to beggars, generally. I grew up in a country where there is no such thing as housing benefit, child benefit, unemployment benefit etc and I know how tough they have it, so over here I tend to think there must be some help available, somewhere, that can be accessed if someone truly needs to beg. Even if did give, which I have on occasion (food and drink only - not money), its been to young people. It more so worries/un-nerves me when I see young people on the streets, I worry about why/whether they were forced to leave home.

As I see it, its my right to choose not to give if I don't want to, and I know why I feel as I do. So YWBU to tell your friend not to give OP, its up to her if she wants to give or not, its not your call you can and do please yourself.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

You are free to give as you see fit.

However I think it was out of order to make that decision for your friend. I know that I've given to beggars when my friends haven't and vice versa.

[Damselindestress]

Nowadays I generally give food to people on the street or give to a charity that helps them rather than giving money to individuals as you can't tell who is genuine or not and I have been tricked in the past. Recently I had a woman come up to me crying saying she was trying to get bus fare to escape an abusive partner. I gave her my own lunch money, which was enough for the bus fare only to see her turning around and telling the exact same sob story to someone else, even though she already had enough. She went along the street doing that. Another time I had a man come up to me asking for money and I gave him all the change I had on me at the time, which was enough to buy a coffee or some food but he just huffed as if it wasn't good enough, didn't even say thank you and moved onto the next target. I could have used that money myself and he didn't even appreciate it, probably because it was enough for food but not drugs. Once I tried to give a big issue seller £10 and didn't ask for change because it was near christmas but then he refused to give me the magazine because it was his last copy so he clearly wanted to use it to make money off a few people. And you don't know what people are going to spend the money on. I'm sorry but when I am struggling some months, I am not going to spend my money on someone's drug habit. I also wouldn't want to contribute to the addiction that is the reason they are on the street, I would rather contribute to charities that help them beat it or buy them food because then at least I know I am actually helping them not enabling them.

However it was patronising of you to stop your friend from giving, she is an adult and can make her own decisions. I think one of my friends is a bit too trusting and I have told her that before because I don't want her good nature to be taken advantage of but I wouldn't physically prevent her giving her own money! I wouldn't use English proficiency as a criteria for whether or not to give to someone either. If he was fleeing persecution in his own country I doubt he had the chance to take English lessons first!

[KathyBeale]

I walk from the station to my office in central London every day - it's not far. Takes about 10-20 minutes depending on how busy it is. If I made a donation to a homeless charity via an app on my phone every time I saw a homeless person I'd do it, I reckon, about five or six times in that short walk. And generally the homeless people are in small groups rather than alone. I was just thinking the other day how many there are again (and blaming the Tories, natch). I was also thinking how we've all lost empathy in recent years - which the OP demonstrated perfectly.

There is a Big Issue seller outside my office who is v nice. I never have cash but I do quite often buy him a sandwich or a coffee from Pret. I always ask what he'd like and he always says 'absolutely anything at all'.

Undercrackers - what on earth is that supposed to mean?

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

LOL "she thought I was being harsh but I wasn't. .." I was being a Daily Fail reading bigot.

[HelpfulChap]

I give my big issue seller (Sharon) the profit margin (£1.25) on a copy every week in change rather than buy a copy.

She always gives me a Christmas card. If I ever win the lottery I will make sure she is sorted.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

There is a Big Issue seller outside my office who is v nice. I never have cash but I do quite often buy him a sandwich or a coffee from Pret. I always ask what he'd like and he always says 'absolutely anything at all'.

That's good he knows his place. Does he kowtow and grasp his forelock.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Surely he should be allowed to express a sandwich preference

[HelpfulChap]

She asks him what he wants and he says 'anything at all' not sure what the problem is.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

OK fair enough, maybe harsh but some people definitely do have the concept of the "deserving" and "undeserving" homeless