To want a cup of tea in bed in the morning?

[Needtoprotect16]

I know ... I know ... Sounds very entitled BUT I do so much in the house and 15 minutes of 'coming to' whilst sipping tea is now, sadly, one of the things that's really important to me given how much else I do: housework, work, study, look after everyone else.

So, now I'm reduced to making a flask and carrying it upstairs at night so it's on hand at 7am. It just seems very sad that I'm having to do this - indicative that no-one gives a flying fuck or appreciates all that I do. It's such a small thing but huge to me.

As a child, I saw my dad make my mum tea every day before going to work, so that's left its mark, I guess. That tenderness and care, realised through the tiniest of gestures, was so important. No-one bothers for me - not OH (knows but can't be arsed); 15 yr old (busy doing make-up/hair) and 10 yr old (too young). Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself this morning. Hey ho.

[mrsplum2015]

Would it help if I tell you my dh makes me a tea every morning and brings it back to bed with his coffee and we sit and drink them together..... But otherwise our relationship is pretty rubbish!! True story.

On the other hand my children are younger than yours (and I also have a 3rd still pre school) and they do loads particularly in terms of looking after themselves. Their pocket money depends on it and actually most mornings my dd (11) makes my real coffee with frothed milk that I take on the school run/ work run.... So I get 2 drinks made for me most mornings, and tbh I say focus on your children, who you can teach to be considerate. They should appreciate you and you can teach them. Issues with your husband are probably more complex.

[WhatALoadOfOldBollocks]

YANBU. Needtoprotect16, I completely get where you're coming from. For me it's not just the big things in a relationship that matter, it's the little niceties that oil the cogs, make me feel loved. Him not getting you a cuppa when he nows it would really make you happy, especially when he's already making one for himself I think is unkind. I think as soon as couples stop appreciating each other it's a slippery slope. The tea issue is a symptom of how he feels about you I think. Personally, when I love and respect someone I like doing little acts of kindness, and getting the same in return makes me feel closer to that person.

[Needtoprotect16]

Hardbut:

The problem with doing everything is that there is little time or energy left over to see to his personal needs. If there was more equal division of labour, I would. But you know, with everything ... I am exhausted most of the time and being unappreciated, it doesn't exactly motivate me to do so. And believe me, I would LOVE a full-time career again. I am retraining to do that as I can't easily re-enter my old career. I returned to work post-maternity leave (FT) but then he was offered a job half away around the world. So - to support him and bring up the children, I left - and off we went. Nobody made me do it. I did it for the family. But it's true to say that, otherwise, he could not have gone (he wouldn't have worked the other side of the world without his family). And so his career blossomed. I do regret giving it up, now. I did not do it under these current 'terms and conditions'. I kind of expected he would move to taking on more of the house/childcare responsibilities when I wanted/needed to return to FT work (btw, I have been working part-time for years - not a FT SAHP), trying to build up my CV - there's still no openings for me in my previous career - hence the decision to retrain at something very different.

[PurpleHairAndPearls]

If he isn't pulling his weight in the house, then you need to address it (or think about what you want to happen if it can't be addressed). I don't actually think the tea in bed is your problem here. As PPs have said, you don't want the outcome of him still not pulling his weight but making you a brew and thinking that's a solution, do you?

I would really go at this from the angle you want to improve your relationship and make it more equal - as part of this, when the workload is distributed more evenly you could take it in turns to make each other a brew and drink it in bed (together if even 10 mins?)

I really would put the tea aside, stop giving it so much weight at the moment, and address the bigger issues...than hopefully kindness and increased happiness will come naturally

[LionHearty]

Surely being in a relationship is about appreciating each other?

I'll be blunt...seems to me that many pps just don't get it. To you, even though (you are being taken for granted) a cup of tea in bed would tell you that all is not lost, that the lovely man you fell in love with is still there. However from your posts I suspect that as a pp said love fades.

In your position, I would try and even things up in terms of housework. And try in little ways to reconnect. When have you last said I love you, done something that you know he would appreciate? I know, he ain't doing anything for you, but unless you are gonna LTB, something got to change.

I do get it. Lack of care, lack of tenderness, and simply not giving a shit about you. (Sending you a big hug, I feel for you, been there, done that. It is horrible to know that the person who is supposed to love you, doesn't give a shiny shit.)

[LionHearty]

Should not have had a confused face at the start, apologies...

[LilaTheTiger]

I moved out and got divorced, and friends bought me a teasmade as a housewarming gift.

Two of the best things that ever happened to me

[LionHearty]

Applauds Lila

[coffeetasteslikeshit]

I get you OP and YANBU. It's the little things that show you care, and I think they become more important the longer you've been together.
I hope you manage to sort things out

[scarednoob]

Personally I hate tea and coffee - but I too grew up with a father who took my mum a cup of tea in bed every morning for 30 years. Seeing his lone mug by the kettle in the morning when we stay there is one of the tangible things that still gets me by the throat, 10 years after she died.

So I get that it's much more about the caring than the drink, and why you would like him to do this off his own bat. I suggest asking him outright and explaining what it would mean to you. Hopefully he will want to do it after that.

[myusernamewastaken]

My boyfriend brought me up a cup of tea in bed just before xmas and spilt it all up my stair carpet....id rather get up and make my own x