"Sten do"/wedding

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

My sil is getting married in September.

She has chosen a venue where she would like exclusive use but has to.agree to take all 30 bedrooms in.the hotel (at £250 per night!) We have a 2 year old, a 1 year old and a new born. According to the hotel, we will need two rooms. Sil is planning a family meal the night before so that is basically £1000 on rooms. The wedding is 3 hours away from us so no choice but to stay.

We've now been told that she is having a sten do for 2 nights in Barcelona which we are both invited to. PILs are going and are as tight as two coats of paint. They have form for guilt-tripping DH into paying for things like this for them (despite being comfortably off)

I like SIL and can rub along with the PILs but do not enjoy some ding time with them - as it's so expensive and MIL knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing!

I have to.go to the wedding but I do not want to go to Barcelona. Personally, I don't actually approve of asking people to shell out vast sums on foreign hen/stag dos. Dh is keen for me to go but I really do not want to and it will annoy me to.have to sit there watching us sub the PILs. Plus I don't want to leave our new born who will only be about 6 months then.

However, I feel like a bit of grinch. AIBU not to go!

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

industrial - I have suggested that to DH. He thinks this is "unwelcoming"

Oh this is awful. I'm so cross I'm finding it hard to remain rational.

[Leeds2]

DH can get holiday from work then. Not your problem. Appreciate that may reduce the time he can take for family holiday later in the year, but would probably be better for you!

MIL sounds vile.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

I think he thinks that if I'm not there when MIL and SIL are, that is making an absolute point. Which I agree with. And we're not really point people. Plus SIL wouldn't get to see the DC. So I'm stopping the DC from seeing their family. Which is also true.

So that's the rational bit. The irrational bit of me thinks that I really don't want to see MIL and I'm not really minded to agree with DH as I'm so cross about the whole thing.

[Industrialhelicopter]

I think he thinks that if I'm not there when MIL and SIL are, that is making an absolute point. Which I agree with. And we're not really point people. Plus SIL wouldn't get to see the DC. So I'm stopping the DC from seeing their family. Which is also true.

No you are giving them family time. A chance to be together as a family before his sister marries. What could be nicer/

Plus as they don't want your children at the wedding and feel the need for child free time - that is exactly what you are giving them (OK That is making a point and a bit of a dig)

Just say that your parents neighbours auntys sister has a big party that you have been invited to that weekend. Lucklly not a child free one.

[ethelb]

Gobbolino the fact your DH is not allowing you to determine when you see your MIL but is happy for her to dictate your interactions is not ok.
Im not going to sneer and bark that you have a DH problem. Its not helpful and I know as my DH is the same.
We are currently locking horns over a MIL visit after she cancelled several in a way that I would never be allowed to do.
It is beyond infuriating and hurtful. I dint have any suggestions but wanted to point out your anger at this is justified.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

ethel - we need to set up a support group. It is infuriating. We don't row much but 90% of arguments are about his family

According to DH, the only waybthstvyou can avoid seeing another person's family is to divorce them!

[Hissy]

Unless your dh has the weekend off, there is no way you can be expected to host his DM and Sil AND juggle 3 under 3!

If they want to foot the show, that's fine, but it has to be by staying in a premier inn or something.

When he's back he can arrange a dinner or something, but you can't be expected to do all this.

Put your foot down. It's really not going to work for anyone.

[Hissy]

Ok. I'm single. Never had a mil, as either foreign or deceased, but I don't agree with this "allowed" busines.

We are fully functioning adults, and we have every right to say no. Every right. They won't like it, but sometimes we all have to accept things aren't going to go the way we want , especially when bulldozing is involved.

[TrinityForce]

I'd divorce him for his family.

[Lotsofplanetshaveanorth]

Holy smokes... Why bridal shower and Barcelona? That's extraordinary

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

The Barcelona trip is on a bank holiday weekend, natch. Therefore more expensive than we were contemplating. Sigh. However, we have an agreed budget do it looks like SIL will be getting a 5p wedding present at this rate. DH is totally onboard about only paying for his stuff.

DH and I have had a rapprochement of sorts in that I've said I can't commit to going to the wedding and I'll just need to see how I feel closer to the time once we get an actual invite.

Re: MIL and SIL coming. I will be here. We do have a cleaner - to be fair - so she will get room ready. I have another thread on this but MIL has firm for turning up whenever the fuck she feels like so I have made it clear to DH that I will not be answering the door until 6pm and will be out in the afternoon.

They always piss us about re: food too so we/the DC will be eating at the normal times and I'll make stuff that can be frozen if they don't appear. If they appear late for food, they can help themselves to cold stuff from the fridge - i.e. I'm not doing a running buffet.

DH is working whilst they are here - cheers for that DH - so I'm organising something for the next day with a friend (probably meet for breakfast) and the DCs and I will be clearing off out fairly early which will hopefully encourage them to go then too.