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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never want to celebrate Christmas again

190 replies

crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 10:28

This is third Christmas as single parent to three teenagers. They spend the whole time in each others rooms and I am alone for four days. In total I have had company for 2 hours.. I have spoken to them about this before and nothing changes. I feel so upset that I am not even given a second thought....

OP posts:
MamaLazarou · 28/12/2015 10:29

YANBU. I'm sorry. Can you plan to do something different next year?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/12/2015 10:31

I have three teenagers and they don't spend much time with me either. We all get on very well, but they like playing ps4 games etc, which I have no interest in.

Original poster
crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 10:33

I am stuck with them while Disney dad has a wonderful Christmas with OW and her teenage children. My chikdren are 16 17 and 19.

OP posts:
damselinthisdress · 28/12/2015 10:34

YANBU. I'm cancelling next Christmas too, except it's DP instead of teenagers making it shitty!

Original poster
crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 10:36

This has caused a lot of resentment I am afraid as I can't put up with being treated with so little regard. There have been very personal insults too

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 28/12/2015 10:37

Oh, that sounds horrid.

And yes, I think scaling back Christmas next year could be a very good idea.

But the problem (of separate lives under the same roof) is probably year round. Is there anything that they still like doing together, that you can build on to get a few more good shared times before they fly the nest?

winterswan · 28/12/2015 10:39

There is absolutely no way you should have to put up with personal insults.

But I also wonder if you are trying a little hard?

Original poster
crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 10:39

Nothing I can think of I bought films we all like to watch but they were a waste of money. I won't be doing anything for Christmas next year.

OP posts:
jeanne16 · 28/12/2015 10:43

My DD just left to go back to her shared house and didn't bother to take any of the gifts I bought for her. She barely said goodbye. I am sitting here feeling totally s**t.

Original poster
crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 10:44

I have just waited for them to remember I am in the house alone as I gave up with the film thing but they are just having so much fun to even think there is someone alone the whole of Christmas. I don't think I am going to be able to forgive this easily

OP posts:
lorelei9 · 28/12/2015 10:44

crepey - sorry.

I vote you spend it with my rellies - who love to make a fuss and cook and sing etc - and I will keep an eye on your teens.

I don't normally to offer to babysit but this sounds like a win win!!

Original poster
crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 10:46

Oh Jeanne that is dreadful.

OP posts:
BalthazarImpresario · 28/12/2015 10:46

Personal insults not on but I remember being that age, friends / boyfriends and being in my own space were what I wanted to do.

If left to their own devices and you spoil yourself next year I bet ask would think it was a great time.

Expectations have a habit of kicking us in the face. Especially when we are forces to regard Christmas as a time when everyone is happy and playing board games etc when in reality most of us have sat eating shit. Watching TV and wishing it would for back to normal.

I'd plan my ultimate spoil feat for next year, be selfish, you deserve it.

OldFarticus · 28/12/2015 10:46

Sorry to hear this Crepey. Yes, I think you would be entirely justified in scaling back Christmas for the ungrateful little sods darlings next year. Personal insults are way out of line.

My Christmas was rubbish too for different reasons and I am already planning to spend next year alone doing something intrepid and exciting. Why not do something entirely selfish next year? Planning that will make you feel better now too.

And the delightful teenagers will probably love spending time with you when they are older.

anonooo · 28/12/2015 10:46

That is rotten. Do they know how you feel? I sometimes think that teenagers are really wrapped up in their own worlds. It was always so, but with social media it is exacerbated, my DN spent Christmas intermittently checking her phone, updating her friends on what was happening and so on....and she is one of the politer kids.
Maybe next year you should just take yourself off for a nice little break and stop trying.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 28/12/2015 10:46

It sounds like your relationship with them isn't great, to be honest. Have you thought about why that is?

Original poster
crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 10:46

Lorelei lol x

OP posts:
dodgeballqueen · 28/12/2015 10:48

What are they doing in their rooms? If they're on pc's, consoles etc I'd move them all into the living room

Original poster
crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 10:49

We normally have a good relationship but their behaviour at Christmas is always dreadful. That is why I get so hurt and upset as it is like the whole year was an illusion

OP posts:
dodgeballqueen · 28/12/2015 10:49

Insults are another matter altogether though. I don't have teenagers but am dreading that sort of thing. Sorry that you didn't have a very enjoyable Christmas Sad

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 28/12/2015 10:49

Leave them to it. Plan your own daya get out and visit. Soon realise theres no dinner etc.
Tell them now its how its going to be.

serin · 28/12/2015 10:50

Personal insults?

I would be on strike.

Maybe you should plan something for yourself next year! go over to your nice new partners or help at a homeless hostel (where you will be valued).

goodnightdarthvader1 · 28/12/2015 10:50

Then why do they turn into antisocial brats at xmas? What's different?

Penfold007 · 28/12/2015 10:50

Then don't do Christmas again. Use 2016 to build your own independent life. Inform your children that you will no longer tolerate their rudeness and disrespect after all the 19 year old is an adult and can sort out their own accommodation and the other two can move in with Disney dad.

lorelei9 · 28/12/2015 10:51

tbh I'd cut them some slack

I found Christmas horrible as a teen, still hate it now. All mates away, just want to be left in peace. They may be feeling the same.

Personal insults never acceptable - but staying in room and playing games seems fair. I posted on MN a few times over Xmas when I could get away from rellies. Well, so did quite a few of us.

It is such a bizarre set of expectations for the day as well.