Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never want to celebrate Christmas again

190 replies

crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 10:28

This is third Christmas as single parent to three teenagers. They spend the whole time in each others rooms and I am alone for four days. In total I have had company for 2 hours.. I have spoken to them about this before and nothing changes. I feel so upset that I am not even given a second thought....

OP posts:
VulcanWoman · 28/12/2015 13:28

I not saying this to hurt your feelings but it's not their responsibility to keep you entertained. The situation with your ex sounds crappy, maybe the kids can sense your resentment and they just don't want to be around that.
You've just got to get on with your own thing, if they join in then great but if not then so be it.
When they all leave home are you going to guilt trip them in to visiting you or forcing yourself on to there families.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/12/2015 13:28

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. I'd definitely not stay around to put up with that level of shit from them :(
Do they all live with you normally?

derxa · 28/12/2015 13:29

One son has lots of money but could not bother to get me a present
That really is shit.

Original poster
crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 13:30

I have a very busy job and this is the only 4 day break I have for months. I have a lot of friends but they are married so cannot really have Christmas with them.

OP posts:
derxa · 28/12/2015 13:30

Do they treat you the same way the ex did? Is he their role model?

LineyReborn · 28/12/2015 13:31

Well that update really puts a clearer perspective on things.

I wouldn't do Christmas next year, either. Tell them to plan to go to their father's, and you should plan for yourself.

Original poster
crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 13:34

They came down for dinner when it was over cooked and they were argumentative.

They are very bad at Christmas but PS4 made it worse as got it a couple of days beforehand.

Just told son I was stopping his money as there is an argument every time I ask him to do jobs he is paid for and he retorted that it is from Child Benefit so he should have it.

OP posts:
mintoil · 28/12/2015 13:36

Ok, well that puts a different spin on it.

They are treating you very shoddily - no presents, calling you a bitch, making food without offering to you - all unacceptable.

Perhaps they should spend next Christmas or the whole of next year with Disney Dad whilst you fuck off on a cruise?

Do you think you have been trying too hard to make it all lovely for them and in the process got the Doormat stamp on your forehead?

YohY · 28/12/2015 13:36

I had my brothers over (parents on holiday) now we are a lot older (late 20s early 30s) cooked them an amazing meal and then they spent it on the phones/iPads texting girlfriends I can only imagine teenagers would be the same!

I don't mind as I spent Boxing Day, Sunday on my own, me time ran 5K each day! (Training for 10K run)

I'm not sitting around eating crap for days when I can be spending the time on myself and enjoying me time! Next port will to be to work on my write up for work... Yes it may be boring but I'm spoiling myself with a nice holiday afterwards

I think people's expectations when they have kids is unrealistic yes children are great when they are small but they do grow up don't spend your whole life centred around your kids they shouldn't define you find something for yourself! Whether it be career, hobby whatever... My mum tells me this everyday and regrets she didn't do the same

TerrifiedMothertobe · 28/12/2015 13:47

Book yourself a getaway next year and leave them with a Bernard Matthews turkey. Own your own destiny and maybe they will respect you for all you have done for them.

Kids hey!

Original poster
crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 13:48

I don't expect to be entertained but I do expect some time with them in four days.

I won't be doing Christmas next year will make sure I do something else.

I won't be inviting myself for Christmas when they have families. I would prefer to be on my own doing exactly what I want to do. It is the hybrid that I object to where I spend a fortune and go to a great effort and still completely alone.

OP posts:
myusernamewastaken · 28/12/2015 13:49

i have 3 teens and although i have a new partner he doesnt live with us.....i spend a lot of time in my house with the kids and i quite enjoy it when they bugger off to their rooms so i can watch what i want on the telly....but to be fair i was never very maternal and prefer them older as they are less demanding lol.....my hell was when they were toddlers x

Theimpossiblegirl · 28/12/2015 13:51

Just because it's from Child Benefit does not mean you have to give it to him! That money is for food/household bills etc. to benefit your children, not money for them to have.

I think you need to toughen up. New year's resolution- be more selfish. Send them to their father's next Christmas and book a spa weekend for yourself. Then see how perfect his Christmas is...

ohtheholidays · 28/12/2015 13:53

Haven't read all the way through OP because I couldn't get over the very personal insults Shock what the hell did they say to you?

We have 3 teens in the house and 1 preteen(we have 5DC)and they would never call me something horrible.

Lynnm63 · 28/12/2015 13:58

Just read the full thread my eldest DS is nearly 16. He spends a lot of time in his room, or on his phone. Personal insults are not acceptable, chores are non negotiable. He dosent have to do much normally as he has GCSE's in May that are more important imo than making his bed. However, he does more over Xmas.
If your dc don't do the chores their paid for then don't pay them. Tell them the child benefit isn't theirs its payment to you for putting up with them.

I get the feeling they are trying this on because they know IT winds you up. Don't let them. Treat them with the same contempt make your own food and leave them to make theirs. It'll be hard but no worse than now and it might make you feel better. They'll realise how much you do for them when they stop doing it. Maybe send them to me for a week, they'd be begging to go home and would realise you're not a bitch but I can be.

Next year do exactly what you want for Xmas preferably get them to bugger off to their dads for the week.

Flowertopz · 28/12/2015 14:05

i take back my pp as normal teenager behaviour. The way they treat you is unacceptable and downright rude

Play them at there own game, just cook for yourself only do your own washing don't clean up after them and defo stop paying them to do jobs. If your sitting on your own then put some music on or watch a good film have some chocs phone friends invite friends over for a drink & takeaway start enjoying yourself and show them that you to can have fun

They will soon realise that they have been nasty and hopefully change there ways

JamNan · 28/12/2015 14:07

Light a scented candle, gather up the food&choccie leftovers and make yourself a nice cup of summat! Find a nice book to read by torchlight and a blanket to wrap yourself with. Then turn the electricity off at the main box. That'll learn the fuckin' shitty little ingrates. Xmas Grin

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 28/12/2015 14:10

Take the fuse out of the mains box and go out.

JamNan · 28/12/2015 14:15

^^ even better

annielouisa · 28/12/2015 14:24

I think you need to make a life that is not about your children make new friends and find a hobby. They are almost adults and nothing you are doing at the moment will change the damaged dynamics of your relationship. It seems the three of them do not like you very much probably related to your split from their DF.

I in no way saying the split was your fault if there was an OW involved but the impact on the DC must have been huge as much as it was to you. What did you say to them at the time sometimes when parents overshare things DC can be angry at the parent who tried to make them choose.

Lynnm63 · 28/12/2015 14:24

Lol jam maybe the op can send them to you next year. Im an amateur in comparison Grin

ohtheholidays · 28/12/2015 14:26

Just read all the way through now CREPEY fuck me your kids are bloody horrible to you.

The child benefit is for the parent to help pay towards the upbringing of they're child/children so tell your son to sod oFF!

Please don't treat them anymore not for Birthdays,Christmas ect,don't pick up after them or cook for them if your such a bitch surely they don't want you to have anything to do with them anyways.

My God OP I am so angry and sad for you,the way they are treating you is never going to be acceptable ever!I just read a few of your posts out to my DH and our older children(I hope you don't mind)and they're all really shocked and saddened for you as well.How they're behaving and and what they are doing is not normal Crepey it really isn't.

You'd be welcome to spend Christmas with us anytime but I do have to warn you it would be like Santas Grotto on E numbers Xmas Grin and our 5DC wouldn't leave you alone.The oldest 2(DS 19 and 17)would tell you lots of very funny but also likely to be very rude jokes(if they treated you like one of they're mates like they do me) Grin our 14 year old DS(is autistic)would very likely talk your ear off about his lego and his new x box and he would want you to have a go in his xbox with him and if you play anything like me he would nearly pee himself laughing.Our DD 12 would want to take selfies with you and would have you on skype with her friends and would be trying out her new make up on you,my God I looked like that guy out of the Rocky Horrow show.Our youngest DD8(also autistic)would have you playing with shopkins and schools all day.

ohtheholidays · 28/12/2015 14:27

Jam Grin lol.

Shumaya · 28/12/2015 14:28

I wouldn't do anything for them, ever. I'd also give the boy his child benefit money but make him pay his share of the rent/utility bills. He wouldn't need to give me money for food because he'd be providing that himself.

LineyReborn · 28/12/2015 14:31

Yes, you give the DC his £20 a week child benefit and tell him to crack on feeding himself with it, paying for travel, phone, pocket money, etc etc. Then don't do his laundry.

Swipe left for the next trending thread