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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To never want to celebrate Christmas again

190 replies

crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 10:28

This is third Christmas as single parent to three teenagers. They spend the whole time in each others rooms and I am alone for four days. In total I have had company for 2 hours.. I have spoken to them about this before and nothing changes. I feel so upset that I am not even given a second thought....

OP posts:

Pippidoeswhatshewants · 28/12/2015 14:42

You need an urgent change in house rules, OP, that is a horrible way to spend Christmas!

Start by telling Disney dad today that he will be hosting Christmas for your dc next year. Do your children usually live with you?

ImperialBlether · 28/12/2015 14:47

I think that given the lack of respect they have shown you (which I imagine they have picked up from their dad) that it's time they went to live with their dad. Believe me, after being with him for a couple of weeks they will want to be back. Whether you decide they can or not is up to you.

Normally I think it would be heartbreaking to have my children go to live with their dad, but in this instance I'd be sending them there.

ohtheholidays · 28/12/2015 14:48

Liney that's exactly what my DH said.

Scarydinosaurs · 28/12/2015 14:54

Go on holiday with some friends over Christmas. Do anything but what they want. You're the adult, you can choose.

senua · 28/12/2015 15:09

Did they really spend the whole of Christmas with you? Did they not visit Disney Dad at all?

Original poster

crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 15:15

Unfortunately their dad lives too far away for them to live with him.

I will have to build a single life for myself as this has highlighted that all my friends are married so I get trapped at Christmas.

You are right the children don't respect me and neither does their father.

I am also worried about my future as I am currently looking after kids and house for another 3 years then he expects it to be sold and have 50%. Meanwhile he lives with OW in her house so he has two properties gaining value whereas smaller properties are becoming more expensive per square meter so getting less likely that I will be able to buy a smaller property.

OP posts:

Original poster

crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 15:17

Whole of Christmas he was due to take them for a meal yesterday but bailed out as interrupted his Christmas with OW

OP posts:

senua · 28/12/2015 15:24

Unfortunately their dad lives too far away for them to live with him.

What do you mean? Tell them that you are thinking of permanently shipping them off to their dad's i.e. away from all their mates, from all that they know. That might make them think twice about their behaviour to you.

KinkyAfro · 28/12/2015 15:25

Cant believe op has been called needy and whiny for not wanting to be ignored. She's shopped for presents, cooked dinner for them and the ungrateful little sods can't drag themselves away from their computer games to spend any time with her. Do you own thing next year op, let them fend for themselves, maybe they'll appreciate you more after

saoirse31 · 28/12/2015 15:25

They sound horrible. Only you know what's the reason for it. Is it possible their dad is lying to them etc about u? The way u refer to their dad if u do that to them must be unpleasant for them. Even if he's treated u awfully, they shouldn't have to hear abuse from either parent about the other.

At start of thread thought you sounded v needy... Their insults etc are horrible... I do think tho u need to develop your life, stop expecting them to be entertaining you.

Ginkypig · 28/12/2015 15:25

Tell them to fuck off and get their own place if they want to behave like that.
They sound absolutely atrocious!

I was looking after siblings by my teens
The only money I got was £1 a week pocket money

Got my first job at 14 (while still full time in school obviously)

I left home at 16-17 and have been a stepparent since 18-19 (in my 30's now)

Iv never ever asked for money from any of my family and I did the lions share of the childcare/housework while I lived at home, I know I am at the high end of the scale but my point is

They are ALL old enough to know better/treat you better and ALL of them are old enough to look after themselves/do chores and they are all old enough to leave home so if that's the way they want to behave tell them to go do in their own house!

And as for the child benefit that is not to give them that is to care for them, if they want spending money tell them to get a fucking job.

Sorry rant over

Babyroobs · 28/12/2015 15:28

Our 3 teenagers have disappeared into their bedrooms for most of Xmas, eldest ds had his girlfriend round last night and they disappeared into his room and didn't spend any time with us. DD ( 10) has spent a lot of time at her friends house down the road ! I am planning a family lunch out tomorrow and cinema trip for a bit of family time. I think it's just how kids are as they get older, they are selfish and just don't think and don't appreciate all the effort that parents put into christmas.

VulcanWoman · 28/12/2015 15:29

crepeyneck I'm in the same position as you regarding the house, I've got about a year and a half though, pooping myself a bit too. Will you have enough to get a flat or something like that, this is what I'm looking at. If your kids keep on treating you badly they'll have to fend for themselves and make there own arrangements.

LineyReborn · 28/12/2015 15:32

Do you teenagers know about the inevitability of the house sale, OP, and why?

mintoil · 28/12/2015 15:33

Me too - I have 2.5 years to go.

If I were you OP I would be looking at getting a tiny one bed flat so you don't have to put up with this shite again. Let them stay with Disney Dad.

It is not your problem he is "too far away" I suspect they would appreciate you a lot more if you stood up for yourself. They are all over 16 so tell them to fit in or fuck off. Are they all working part time at least?

Original poster

crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 15:34

On the surface I get on with their dad as I like peace. They all knew about OW before I did from a rogue text. They did not tell me I found out in a very humiliating way.

They are ok individually it is when the 3 of them are together. They behave appallingly and gang up on me. For example telling one son that he has not done his jobs and all 3 having a go at me.

OP posts:

senua · 28/12/2015 15:35

Good point. Stop the pocket money, put the saving towards the new house purchase. Let them earn their own money from outside the family.

ImperialBlether · 28/12/2015 15:36

Were you married to him? Does he pay child support? How far away does he live?

I wouldn't worry about the distance - does your 16 year old still go to school? Is he doing GCSEs now? I'd say he should be looking at colleges in your ex's area for September. You don't have to put up with this, you know.

Is there one who's nicer to you than the others? Were they really all calling you a bitch? That is just pure bullying.

FlatOnTheHill · 28/12/2015 15:39

My DS is 15 and has been stuck in his room on the poxy play station. He went to his dads on boxing day, came back yesterday morning and in room since. Im a single mum and it is lonely. You feel like you are being ignored, which we are!
You are not alone OP. I feel the same.

Original poster

crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 15:41

Bitch is the insult of choice for all of them but it has progressed to insults about weight and looks from 2 of them as they know how ex used to compare me to OW...

OP posts:

Original poster

crepeyneck · 28/12/2015 15:43

Yes we're married and he pays child support but only texts them once a month.

OP posts:

FlatOnTheHill · 28/12/2015 15:45

Bloody nora..they are treating you like shit and you do not deserve this.
Ginkypig is right.

ShammyDavis · 28/12/2015 15:46

This is horrible, they are treating you as you might expect them to treat their Dad and his partner for the state of things, why are you getting this shit?

So sorry.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 28/12/2015 15:47

Could it be they are angry, but think they cant show it to their dad because they fear his reaction so they take it all out on you?

I'd tell your ex that if their behaviour doesnt change then they'll have to live with him. That might shock him into action and tell his kids to stop acting like brats to you.

Orda1 · 28/12/2015 15:52

They sound like ungrateful twats.

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