To be annoyed Xmas plans scuppered as DS ill

[Breadwidow]

We were due to travel up to my parents for a Big family Christmas at my parents tomorrow, with my sisters Family who live locally joining us on the. DS has temp and cold symptoms. DH thinks we should probably stay at home unless he makes miraculous recovery by tomorrow (unlikely seeing as these things usually last a week or so with him). I know this is the best move, since we are travelling by train (no car) and my parents will be noisy and from excitement - not Great for sick nearly 4 year old. I'm just a bit annoyed DH cannot relate to the fact I'm disappointed - I was so looking forward to spending Christmas with my family plus we've sent all our presents there so DS will have nothing to open on Christmas day if we stay at home. Aren't I allowed to be a bit disappointed. I'm also Quite annoyed with DH or taking the kids out all day on mon and tues when DS is up in the night unwell on Sun/mon night. He did seem much better by mon morning but yesterday he was lethargic & DH Still took him to me up with a friend while I was working. Grrr, so Xmas is gonna be a damp squib. Gutted

[Shutthatdoor]

They also all think I'm a bit selfish and bang on too much.

Is there truth in this?

There have been convulsions in the past which your DH has witnessed all? I can now see why he is reluctant tbh.

[Nottodaythankyouorever]

Maybe you aren't worried about the convulsions in the way DH is as you haven't seen them all?

Have you talked to him about it?

[TurnOffTheTv]

The kids won't realise it's Christmas Day, just have Christmas on Boxing Day instead when your parents bring presents, no need to buy anything extra.

[Boosiehs]

Jeebus! DS has a cold and a cough and he went to nursery today and will be travelling to my parents on Friday!

Calpol and ibuprofen.

[VestalVirgin]

I'm annoyed my own plans are ruined by me having a cold, so no ... I don't think you are being unreasonable.

If your husband has taken the kids out despite DS having first symptoms, he is partly to blame and shouldn't act all holier than thou.

I wouldn't usually recommend travelling with a sick person, but as your son is only four years old, I do think he would be able to lie down in the train. If you can carry him everywhere, I don't see a problem - the worst thing about traveling while ill is the fact you have to move so much.

[ProudAS]

He could infect someone on the train but colds are unavoidable at this time of year and they won't get sick till after the big day. He can sit by you or DH or on your lap presumably.

[Bogburglar99]

5 convulsions, you poor souls. DS clocked up four which I was given to understand was quite a number. He can't be far off growing out of them though

If we'd been faced with this situation when DS was prone to convulsions my rational mind would have been saying 'it's a cold, he's perfectly well, we know how to keep him dosed with paracetamol, and even if he does have a fit it won't actually harm him' (all this is completely correct). No reason to miss Christmas'.

Irrational head would be saying TEMPERATURE MIGHT HAVE A FIT MIGHT HAVE FIT ON TRAIN AAARGH ... The mismatch between what I knew was sensible and the holy terror I was feeling might lead me to spout all sorts of rubbish about DS not enjoying Christmas at grandmas because he has a slight cold

Your DH may think nothing like me and may just be being an arse - but the above is a possibility, I think. Try talking it over with him gently and see if that is part of the issue.

I think Christmas at grandmas with all his presents is certainly the right decision for your DS, so I hope you manage to make it. Best of luck!

[scarlets]

Id take him, as long as he's not vomiting. People have to "get on with it" when they have colds, and he may as well learn that at a young age! Dose him up and take a bottle of water and his favourite snacks for the journey. Merry Christmas!

[Griphook]

If my ds was ill and we had discussed it and said we would make a decision tomorrow about Christmas and dp had gone at me all day about visiting their mum for Christmas trying to get me to confirm that we would still go, and then showed me a lot of comments from some strangers I would have walked off by now.
Your ds is poorly (although doesn't seem too badly) leave it till tomorrow and see how he is, and then make a joint decision taking into consideration re: presents and food.... But if you do cancel I would probably pop him down to the walk in centre if he was getting worse.

[Lndnmummy]

Calpol, nose spray and go!

[CasualJersey]

My DS (1yr) has a cold
Has convulsions with a temp and is under the weather this week.
I would still travel.
But then sadly I think your DH is using this as an excuse not to go!

[Breadwidow]

Griphook, you are right, I need to leave it now and should have left it before. We haven't discussed since about 4pm and it needs to stay that way til tomorrow. DS is ill, his fever has come back and he's willingly just gone to bed. I'm now just hoping hoping hoping that an early night will help him get better.

DH is not trying to deliberately s

[Breadwidow]

Avoid my family but obviously I care more about seeing them than he does!

[ClaraM]

I think it's quite sad that your family and DH all 'think you're a bit selfish and bang on a bit'. It sounds like they all gang up on you and have made you believe it. I'm sure they all have their moments too! I may be projecting on this as my parents and brother used to gang together and tell me I was wrong all the time, leaves you with low self-esteem.

On your Christmas and DS, I think it makes a bit of a difference you're going by train, as this is potentially much harder work for everyone and ill DS. Otherwise I'd say just bundle him in the car with a blanket and Calpol etc. Maybe your DH secretly can't face the journey?? I don't like the way he is shutting you down though.

Hope DS is feeling better in the morning and you can have your family Christmas. If not, I agree with moving Christmas to another day.

[diddl]

Well yes of course you are allowed to be disappointed, but keep talking about it changes nothing.

You have to wait & see how he is tomorrow.

Your child is ill & if your first thought is "oh no I can't see my parents & sister" then perhaps that's why yourfamily think that you are selfish?

It's ok to be disappointed, but your disappointment isn't the most important thing!

[Kitsmummy]

I actually agree with your DH. there's a big difference between a bit of a runny nose and a really bad cold where you feel like shit. Your DS sounds quite poorly and I wouldn't want to drag him on a 3 hour public transport journey either. It sounds like he needs home and bed rest. Hopefully things will be improved in the morning, but I really don't think your DH is being an arse. (And if I had witnessed all the convulsions that he has then I too would feel v worried)

[Breadwidow]

Thanks for the more cautious posts, I was thinking my poor DH is not that bad!!! My first thought was DS' presents actually, and then Xmas dinner.

[Griphook]

I'm not suggesting that you don't go or that your dp is too poorly, but it's just the keeping on talking about it when a decision isn't needed yet, that might be making the
Situation worse. I can imagine a conversation between myself and dp, he would say what about the presents and my response would be if needed we will get more because it's matters to ds.


Fingers

[Griphook]

Not sure where the random fingers came from

[Breadwidow]

Grip - totally knew what you meant, you are right

[Blu]

OP - you are very quick to put yourself down.

It isn't selfish to want to take your child to a lovely family Christmas when they have a cold.

It isn't selfish to want your child to enjoy presents.

Your DH sounds extremely cautious - some parents are - but really your little boy will be warm and safe at his grandparents. A cab to the station and a doze on the train shouldn't do him any harm.

I hope it works out, whatever you do. If your parents come down I would say that Boxing Day is Christmas Day...though you'll have to stick to DVDs not the TV on Christmas Day.

But whatever you do, please have a look at how often you blame yourself, put yourself down, and take on negative opinions about yourself of other people. It's always good to reflect, but look at the number of MNers on this thread who say your DH is being rather over-cautious. YANBU.

[Breadwidow]

Thanks for your nice message. I agree but I do also agree that I didn't help the situation by going on when we agreed to decide in the morning. It didn't help that me and DH had had row night before.

I do nag, but equally I am often chastised by my family when it's not entirely warranted and that has affected my self esteem.

The kind of vibe going on here is a thread in many arguments DH & I have, I think low self esteem on my part is both a cause (may be a reason why I nag) and an effect (him putting me down and shutting me off makes that worse). Vicious cycle that we need to break.

[Griphook]

I hate the word nag, it's often only used when describing women. I think the balance of power is a bit off in your relationship, and you are looking for reassurance from dp and family, but it does sound like they are the ones causes your low self esteem.
It's sounds like a general communication problem, which is rooted in respect

[Breadwidow]

Me too, I used it short to type. I do go on about stuff when other people want to leave the issue.

Grr just remembered DH said maybe we needed worse case scenario plan for Xmas on Monday morning even though they still went to museum as he was up with DS in night who had croup like symptoms. I don't think he has ulterior motive of desperately wanting to avoid going to my family but it's still annoying

[mommy2ash]

Op I really hope he is feeling better tomorrow