To be annoyed Xmas plans scuppered as DS ill

[Breadwidow]

We were due to travel up to my parents for a Big family Christmas at my parents tomorrow, with my sisters Family who live locally joining us on the. DS has temp and cold symptoms. DH thinks we should probably stay at home unless he makes miraculous recovery by tomorrow (unlikely seeing as these things usually last a week or so with him). I know this is the best move, since we are travelling by train (no car) and my parents will be noisy and from excitement - not Great for sick nearly 4 year old. I'm just a bit annoyed DH cannot relate to the fact I'm disappointed - I was so looking forward to spending Christmas with my family plus we've sent all our presents there so DS will have nothing to open on Christmas day if we stay at home. Aren't I allowed to be a bit disappointed. I'm also Quite annoyed with DH or taking the kids out all day on mon and tues when DS is up in the night unwell on Sun/mon night. He did seem much better by mon morning but yesterday he was lethargic & DH Still took him to me up with a friend while I was working. Grrr, so Xmas is gonna be a damp squib. Gutted

[HopefulHamster]

I hope he is prepared to waste a lot of money on presents and replace everything then or your son is going to be very disappointed.

[landrover]

To be fair, I have a cold and I feel rotten! (not helpful!)

[Cocolepew]

Your husband and your family are being twats.
Poor ds waking up to no presents, all because of a cold ?

[Madcats]

A few decades ago, I was "the child that ruined Christmas" for my Mum.

The rest of the DD and my brothers went to my grandparents as normal whilst we stayed home with a vat of chicken soup and a few basics she could get hold of (not that I was capable of keeping much food down). I was in no fit state to notice the time of day, let alone what presents I had. From time to time "that Christmas" still gets mentioned.

If the family you are visiting isn't prone to chest infections and you son can get up from the sofa to get some sweets without fainting/looking exhausted I would pack him onto the train.

Is there any reason why you couldn't travel by yourself to be with most of the family you'd love to share time with. (as it clearly doesn't sound as if Christmas is a big deal for you DH)? You could skype/call home regularly.

I hope it works out for you all.

[INeedACheeseSlicer]

I think it is different for children - the last thing they want isn't necessarily not to be on a train, or away from home - especially if they have really been looking forward to the trip.
They want to be snuggled up quietly with their parents usually, but would probably be fine snuggled on a lap on a train looking quietly out of the window. And it is not as if grandparents house is a strange place they don't know, is it?
Children don't usually feel the social pressure that adults do to put on a brave face and make an effort in company, which can tire you out when you are ill. They have no compunction about just curling up on the sofa and watching cartoons. I know mine wouldn't feel any worse staying with grandparents when ill (they'd probably feel better if anything, with grandma fussing over them and bringing them treats and hot water bottles etc).

And your DH is coming across as controlling and awful, btw. It isn't your fault, don't start berating yourself for "going on". This is a conversation you need to have, and he isn't engaging with it.

[43percentburnt]

I disagree with wanting to be at home if you feel rough, am suffering badly (pregnant) with spd (can barely walk, on crutches now), hyperemisis and anaemia (third trimester). Yeh the 3 hour car journey will suck, but I am hoping family will be a good distraction! I wish I was getting a train as could keep mobile!

If you stay at home I would do Xmas day on Boxing Day and do presents, food etc just on Boxing Day. At age 3 you ds won't know any different and it won't ruin Santa for him.

[TheBunnyOfDoom]

Christmas IS mostly about presents for a four year old! I hope your DH is going to go shopping on Christmas Eve and make sure HIS son doesn't wake up nothing on Christmas morning.

Although now he's stormed out, I would be tempted to hire a car and go without him! I wouldn't actually do so, but he needs to see how selfish he's being. He blatantly doesn't want to go - if it was about DS, he would have kept him home on Monday! Wandering around a packed museum in the Christmas holidays is MUCH worse for you than sitting on a train to relatives.

[Kacie123]

Even if you were the one frantic for your family Christmas ... So what? Why wouldn't he want you to have that if possible, especially when you've got 2 tiny kids and all the general stress in life that must involve.

Out of interest - does he feel like he's get "the vote" because he's the stay at home dad - does he play on guilt over that, or does he feel that he knows them better?

[sidsgranny]

Maybe if DS is still grotty tomorrow you could go Boxing Day instead? You could tell him Santa delivered his presents to his grandparents house and he just has to wait an extra day to get them? Is it worth checking if you can rearrange your train tickets?

But do agree that DH sounds a bit controlling but none of us apart from you know him. Hope DS is much better in the morning and your plans can go ahead and if not that some compromise can be reached.

[StrictlyMumDancing]

Does your DH have form for creating problems?

I can't imagine either my in laws or my DPs saying that changing the christmas plans last minute for a cold. Both grandmothers would be dying to cuddle them loads. Unless your DH has some sort of attitude that they would prefer him not to be there when he is like this.

[Breadwidow]

I haven't driven in years so would go by train, don't feel comfortable driving at all. It's nice reading these posts but also odd as the offline view so different - just rang my sister who said the main thing I need to do is not go on as it irritates DH and makes him dig his heals in. Also though she felt DS could go, she did pint out my reasons were a bit selfish as I hate changing plans.

[StrictlyMumDancing]

just rang my sister who said the main thing I need to do is not go on as it irritates DH and makes him dig his heals in

ah, your DH does have form for this. your family isn't telling you that staying at home is the right thing. they are subtely telling you your DH is an arse.

[Breadwidow]

No, and family love DH. I don't think he's controlling, well haven't before, but there is a bit of a 'you're the emotional and selfish one, I'm the sensible and selfless one' vibe going on. Plus he also really doesn't see the present thing as a big an issue as the posts on here suggest it will be. I think if DS is really very ill then he prob won't care about presents.

He's got a hacking cough, looks tired, temp down with calpol, is watching CBeebies.

[Breadwidow]

My sis thinks I'm being an arse, in terms of obsessional going on at DH!

[Minibelle]

I think it's really strange and unsupportive of your family to agree with your dh and to tell you not to go on at him.

It seems like a very unequal relationship you have.

This thread makes me really sad tbh.

[Kacie123]

That's so ... weird. Can't imagine my sibling saying "whatever you, don't annoy DH" ... Why would they be so worried about that?

Do they prefer him to you? Is this a "well we've always thought you were hard work Breadwidow" put-down sort of thing? (In which case, arseholes!)

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

That's the sort of thing people say about their families surely? Not an indication they think she must leave him?

Am really surprised no one seems bothered about the other people on the train. usually it's a prime concern for MN. Especially on Xmas Eve

[Breadwidow]

I'm feeling really sad now

[TheBunnyOfDoom]

It sounds like your DH has form for being controlling/angry when things don't go his way, so your family are trying to protect you from that.

[Breadwidow]

Fanjo, that was what I was expecting. The family weren't saying oh you mustn't upset angry DH, more pointing that when I go on, I tend to make it worse in themes of getting the aim I want, ie we are more likely to come to an agreement if I leave the discussion of it til tomorrow morning. Which I have not done, again

[StrictlyMumDancing]

So your family love your DH but they're perfectly fine with having Christmas blown out of the water so you don't upset him? They would be fine with having DS there ill, but they think your behaviour is what will cause a problem? That still sounds like they think your DH is a problem.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Her family are obviously just wanting her to go so are telling her how to get round him.

I don't think this is an LTB situation.

[Breadwidow]

LTB?

Family don't see it as their plans scuppered, there are nice and accommodating types and not offended. They think if DS ill we have to put him first, but are happy to have him ill at their house.

They fucking love my DH, sometimes blind to his faults. I go on and obsess but he can be an awkward arse, as this thread shows

[Kacie123]

Sorry, just to confirm I'm not saying LTB in case it looked like I was hinting at it.

I'm also not one of the people who thinks Christmas/December 25th is the most important day ever - and a little DS who is ill probably wouldn't mind presents being delayed by a day. I'm just a bit surprised by the reactions, that's all!

Maybe the OPs family also don't feel the need to do it on Friday and are fine waiting, in which case it's just not worth the hassle of annoying a son-in-law or risking illness etc?

It's lovely that your DH is worried about your son OP. Some parents wouldn't care so it's hopefully just a sign of love and overprotection

[StrictlyMumDancing]

I'm not saying LTB either.

But bread appears the be being told she is a selfish cow, her family are telling her above all else to not upset her DH and she's questioning whether everyone else who's said 'its a cold, just go' are bonkers. And tbh, I find the reaction odd. My family may tell me not to nag, but they wouldn't be so willing to have their plans (xmas or otherwise) disrupted just so DH was appeased, although accepting if I agreed DS was too ill to travel. If I thought DS was ok enough and DH had said I couldn't possibly know what was best for him I seriously doubt my family would be telling me to appease DH.

And yes, other passengers on the train I would be concerned about if there was a very bad infectious illness like chicken pox, but for colds at this time of year you're shafted on public transport.