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AIBU?

To be annoyed Xmas plans scuppered as DS ill

211 replies

Breadwidow · 23/12/2015 14:18

We were due to travel up to my parents for a Big family Christmas at my parents tomorrow, with my sisters Family who live locally joining us on the. DS has temp and cold symptoms. DH thinks we should probably stay at home unless he makes miraculous recovery by tomorrow (unlikely seeing as these things usually last a week or so with him). I know this is the best move, since we are travelling by train (no car) and my parents will be noisy and from excitement - not Great for sick nearly 4 year old. I'm just a bit annoyed DH cannot relate to the fact I'm disappointed - I was so looking forward to spending Christmas with my family plus we've sent all our presents there so DS will have nothing to open on Christmas day if we stay at home. Aren't I allowed to be a bit disappointed. I'm also Quite annoyed with DH or taking the kids out all day on mon and tues when DS is up in the night unwell on Sun/mon night. He did seem much better by mon morning but yesterday he was lethargic & DH Still took him to me up with a friend while I was working. Grrr, so Xmas is gonna be a damp squib. Gutted

OP posts:

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teatowel · 23/12/2015 16:50

Poor you. your husband sounds unkind. If your son is eating and chatting there is no way I would stay at home. I would go without my husband. I would also be thinking about a relationship where one person seems so determined to exercise his will in a rather nasty manner.

Saukko · 23/12/2015 16:52

My son had an epic bout of gastro when I had our second baby due. Serious business, didn't keep a thing down for 10 days, projectiled constantly, under a doctor's care but concerned he'd need admission.

But life goes on. I went into labour whilst sleeping on his bedroom floor. I left my husband home with him and went to hospital alone at 3am. I was home by 6pm, with a baby, and the next morning we had to take DS back to the doctor for another check-up. He remained ill for a further 4-5 days.

Luckily the baby didn't catch it!

But life. goes. on. It's not like I could have cancelled my plans. I couldn't have rearranged and gone "Oh well, DS is ill, best do something else with the weekend!" A cold is the most minorest thing ever. Yes, it isn't pleasant, but they can ride in a vehicle and chill on another sofa until it passes.

Saukko · 23/12/2015 16:54

I'm really sorry, I didn't see this was 5 pages.

Having read the thread, I agree with the others - your husband's looknig for excuses :(

mommy2ash · 23/12/2015 17:02

Sorry I wouldn't drag my sick child on a train Christmas or not and going on about it all day isn't going to improve the situation. I would have waited till tomorrow to assess the situation. I'm surprised by the posts on this thread. Kids tend to get sick at awkward times it's disappointing and it happens but that's life. My dd was sick for her birthday the last three years in a row the only time each year she was sick and I've had to cancel her family party each evening.

TheBunnyOfDoom · 23/12/2015 17:03

A cold is not the same as being sick.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 23/12/2015 17:06

What does your DS want to do? Is he aware he was due to visit his grandparents?

I think with just a cold a visit to relatives and presents would probably be a nice distraction for him and brighten him up a bit. Surely your DH wants to do what's best for DS, could you frame it as ds would probably prefer to go, take his mind off it?

In fairness, I have immune system issues and am normally the first to say don't use public transport when ill, but you can't really avoid colds at this time of year - and I'm too soft to see a child not having a nice Christmas. I'd risk it - perhaps your dad could pick you up more halfway? Is that feasible?

PurpleHairAndPearls · 23/12/2015 17:07

If he is nearly 4, he is old enough to have a preference for Christmas, isn't he? Mine are older now, I'm doubting myself!

Breadwidow · 23/12/2015 17:20

What is LTB?

I think DS wants to go, but it's not clear. He is very present moment focussed, so when I talked to
Him about tomorrow he asked about today.

There is very much a vibe with my whole family and DH that I hate changing plans and don't cope very well when I have to. They also all think I'm a bit selfish and bang on too much.

I'm just hoping DS is improved tomorrow - I think improvement rather than being 'better' will be enough to convince DH. If he's the same or worse then he won't want us to go.

DS is chatty and playing but got all
Upset over something that would normally not bother him and has a very nasty sounding cough, which I'm sure will be worse at night.

OP posts:

AliceScarlett · 23/12/2015 17:28

LTB= leave the bastard.

MrsPnut · 23/12/2015 17:30

LTB is leave the bastard

I have a cold, and I am immunocompromised, and I am still carrying on as usual. I did work from home today but only because I needed to go to the surgery for a blood test to check my levels.

I am back in the office tomorrow morning with my box of tissues and plenty of fluids and we are still having all of the family for christmas.

SparklesandBangs · 23/12/2015 17:38

Just for context if we couldn't celebrate Christmas with the extended family if any of our DC had a cold/temperature then we wouldn't have done so for the past 18 years. At least half of which I have also had a hacking cough/chest infection.
There are 6 children now and I will guarantee that a least 1 will have a cold and be on calpol on Christmas Day. They always perk up for Christmas even if they have to go upstairs for a sleep during the afternoon.
Life just can't stop for a head cold.

KurriKurri · 23/12/2015 17:40

Does your DS know which day Christmas is on? If not I would tell him it is on Boxing Day and let him have his Christmas day then and your Mum drive down. Your DS will feel a bit better by then probably.
It is a long journey for a child that is under the weather and he might not enjoy himself much and be exhausted.

Kids get sick at inconvenient times - Christmas is a moveable feast when they are that age, I've been in the same situation and just done the present stuff on another day. (I know it's not the same as Christmas with all your family, but it is better than a Christmas day on the 25th with no presents, and your little boy's grandparents will be there to share it too so you can make a lovely day out of it)

Jux · 23/12/2015 17:43

No presents!!!!!

That would decide it for me. Poor ds, waking up on Christmas morning, 4 years old, and no presents.

Is there no way of getting them back in time?

Bogburglar99 · 23/12/2015 17:44

As the parent of a child who had febrile convulsions I can suggest a slightly different perspective - every time DS had a temperature I was terrified and it was a huge deal. When DD came along, who has never had them, a temp became 'shame, wrap her up, plenty of fluids and paracetamol, carry on with life'.

I wonder if your DH is overreacting because of the febrile convulsions? If he is SAHD did he happen to be the one actually there when your DS was fitting? It is awful to watch. I know I would have been when DS was 4. Now he's outgrown then I can see how much I did over react. Suggest hold his hand and tell him gently but firmly that DS will be fine and you intend to go.

Jux · 23/12/2015 17:54

I am immune compromised. I have some weirdy thing atm which has made my hands swell up - when I got up this morning, dh said my jaw was swollen almost so he didn't recognise me! Most of it's gone down now. I picked that up, whatever it is, in Tesco ysterday. i wouldn't worry about picking up a cold on the train, I just wouldn't.

So, if you can move Xmas day to Boxing day, then I might do that, if dh were completely immovable. I do think he's being an arse, and potentially putting your mum to a huge amount of extra trouble on Boxing day when she'll be exhausted, as well as causing yourselves more expense by having to buy food, and possibly a few more presents.

I would push the causing trouble for your mum by forcing her to spend 5 hours in the car, when she should be having a nice time.

lorelei9 · 23/12/2015 18:03

OP "They think if DS ill we have to put him first, but are happy to have him ill at their house."

well, I'm going against the grain, but I stick by what I said first - it's miserable being a child and being ill and dragged around.

you've now clarified that he seemed quite well and wanted to go to the NHM - is dino still there? - so it isn't fair to say DH kept him out too much.

See how DS is tomorrow but I know - as the child who was always blooming ill - I would rather have waited a day for presents and stayed in my own home. But I am not the type who thinks Xmas is a big deal.

my other worry is that if DS needs a good rest, dragging him about on trains won't help him.

Breadwidow · 23/12/2015 18:04

No, we will have to buy some emergency gifts. My parents live 3 hours away. I thought I was being genius in terms of buying gifts online and sending there as travelling with lots of luggage and two young kids is very hard. This was perhaps a stupid idea, given DS has been ill a lot in the last couple of months.
He does seem to know when Xmas is but we could explain about gifts being delayed due to giving Santa wrong address or something.

Maybe a good point re the convulsions - I've only witnessed one, DH has witnessed all of them (5 in total), including the first very bad one. However he hadn't specifically mentioned that, only that DS will not be having good time and do too much when all excited and hence be ill for longer

OP posts:

RoastieToastieReastie · 23/12/2015 18:09

Op really feel for you. Fwiw I wouldn't go if my Dc had those symptoms, it's more than a cold and IMO if he's contagious it's selfish to take him unwell on public transport on Christmas Eve, but I acknowledge I'm OTT on this type of thing. I would have gauged it if my family were happy to host us given he was ill as well.

Will your ds know which day Christmas is? Only if you say your family will come to you on Boxing Day you could just pretend that was Christmas Day to him?

itsbegginingtolook · 23/12/2015 18:09

I've just got back out of hospital with my ds2 who has tonsillitis and ear infection and Christmas is still happening here and ds1 birthday on 27th. Go have fun

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 23/12/2015 18:14

Can you ask your DS whether he would like to go/feels up to it? At nearly 4 he should be able to say if he'd rather stay at home and understand he'll have to wait for presents if so...

NorksAreMessy · 23/12/2015 18:15

Your DH, for example, is a twat!

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 23/12/2015 18:17

Sorry I hadn't read the whole thread...

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lorelei9 · 23/12/2015 18:17

gosh, I missed the post about convulsions before. Scary.

gamerchick · 23/12/2015 18:20

Although I do agree that moving Christmas Day to Boxing Day probably sounds like the better option on the proviso that he is the one to go shopping for everything tomorrow. He does sound like a bit of a controlling twat. I couldn't imagine being wary of my husband when wanting to go against his wishes.

FlatOnTheHill · 23/12/2015 18:20

As others have said Calpol. Its a cold. Sounds like DH does not want to go. Hope your little one better for xmas.

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