To be annoyed Xmas plans scuppered as DS ill

[Breadwidow]

We were due to travel up to my parents for a Big family Christmas at my parents tomorrow, with my sisters Family who live locally joining us on the. DS has temp and cold symptoms. DH thinks we should probably stay at home unless he makes miraculous recovery by tomorrow (unlikely seeing as these things usually last a week or so with him). I know this is the best move, since we are travelling by train (no car) and my parents will be noisy and from excitement - not Great for sick nearly 4 year old. I'm just a bit annoyed DH cannot relate to the fact I'm disappointed - I was so looking forward to spending Christmas with my family plus we've sent all our presents there so DS will have nothing to open on Christmas day if we stay at home. Aren't I allowed to be a bit disappointed. I'm also Quite annoyed with DH or taking the kids out all day on mon and tues when DS is up in the night unwell on Sun/mon night. He did seem much better by mon morning but yesterday he was lethargic & DH Still took him to me up with a friend while I was working. Grrr, so Xmas is gonna be a damp squib. Gutted

[ginnybag]

Your DH is okay with writing off Santa, then? Because it will. You can, maybe, explain to a four year old that his presents aren't there, but not if you want to keep the 'magic elf in the sky' thing going. Even without that, the fall out of no presents won't be pretty.

A slight temp and some sniffles is not a reason to have a massively upset child on Christmas morning, imo. If it were unavoidable, that would be one thing, but it's not, and - to me- not worth the fall out.

I'd put it to your DH that the upset from no presents/why did Santa leave me out? will be worse for DS's health than a relatively short train ride that he can cuddle up to one of you and sleep through.

[Kacie123]

Hmmm ... Could you say "right, we'll pack an extra bag with a blankie and pillow, wrap up warm, and see how the tube bit goes - if it's clearly not a good idea by that point, we'll come home?"

Probably he'll sleep and then when you get there he'll begin to feel better.

Also maybe call your mum and say you think it's fine, can she back you up. They probably wouldn't say "are you kidding, it's a cold", but might be thinking it...

[TimeToMuskUp]

Just pack your stuff up and go. Christmas should be about being with those you love; not going for the sake of a cold seems daft. Just say to DH you've got supplies of Calpol, Brufen and tissues, you've wrapped DS up and you'd like to be with your family this Christmas. He can come with you or be belligerent and not come.

[HPsauciness]

The reason I might not go is if your parents might not want you, not everyone shakes off colds, depending on their age etc. I would ask them if they want you to make the effort, honestly. Their reply sounds diplomatic, perhaps they don't mind not having a snotty 3 year old there!

If you do decide not to go though, one of you will have to nip out tomorrow and get a few stand-in gifts, there's no way a 3/4 year old can understand delayed gratification.

[starfishmummy]

I think this all adds to my theory that Christmas at home is best when you have kids!!

[trufflehunterthebadger]

how do I convince DH?

don't bother as you will never succeed. present a faît accompli and stick with it. chez badger that would run along the line of "you are being ridiculous, he only has a cold. DS and I are going, you can please yourself. End of chat"

[Twinklefuck]

Unless there's vomiting I wouldn't cancel. A buggy, cuddles and a wee sleep on the train, dosed with calpol. He'll be too distracted with his family to feel too bad and have a great time.

If it were my dh I would probably lay the guilt on, add a few tears and be extra nice. thats my personality not manipulation

[GreenPetal94]

I think ds will feel a bit ill wherever he is, but just go anyway. I suggest nurofen and paracetamol medicines together and lots of cuddles. But check the rest of the family are ok with this approach.

[MakeItRain]

I would say go. Just dose him up with calpol. But if your dh is adamant he doesn't want to I think he (or you) should either go and collect all your son's pressies tomorrow, or else buy more for him to open on Christmas Day. Maybe say to your dh you'll see what sort of a night he has tonight and decide tomorrow morning.

[MotherKat]

In my opinion if he's well enough for a day out he's well enough to calpol sleep through a train journey and get spoiled at grandma's, have a chat with hubby and find out why he really doesn't want to go, because if he was that worried he wouldn't have taken him out for the day.

[IGotAPea]

Will your family be ok with ds going if he's ill? It does sound like more than a cold and if there will be family there who catching his bug could have serious implications for (pregnant women, eldery etc) it. I might be best to stay at home. If your family were sympathetic with your dh it might be because they think it's best?

My db brought his child to a meal out, she was covered in chicken pox, three adults caught it from her, and one couldn't attend an operation to have breast lumo removed as she was infectious, it delayed her worry about if she had cancer (she didn't). And one was in bed for a week in a lot of pain as almost all (and I mean all) of their body was blisters. My brother thought his child would be fine out and about as it was just "a few spots".

You know your child better than us, and if it's just a cold, then I'd probably want to go and do everything I can to convince them, but if it's more than a cold, it better staying at home, I know I'd be gutted and upset, my dh would be fine sending me on my own ( not sure I could leave dd though) and I'd bring the gifts back with me, or dh and dd join me if recovered. Providing we could afford the change in train fairs etc.

YANU to be dissappointed and upset though.

[Breadwidow]

Rest of family would be fine, my parents said that they would drive to Us Boxing Day if we don't go and sister is fine with us coming, she'd rather we came. However they would think it awful if I went against DH. Reading these posts make me realise that DH does have a lot of power in our decisions even though he says otherwise. He's said we can't go if DS still ill, and I have tried to convince him but have not had guts to say that's not happening. I was out getting DS more calpol and fruit when posted earlier. Just got home and DS seems ok, eating which is good. I mentioned to DH the issue aroundhis disappointment and he said how can I know what's best for him and also said Xmas wouldn't be cancelled as we'd get last min gifts and food tomorrow. Such a waste of money IMHO, Would rather pay for car

[Breadwidow]

Tears and guilt will also not work here. DH thinks I'm being selfish cod I don't want plan ruined.

[Thurlow]

Is there a reason why you don't feel confident to say that you, as an equal parent, are deciding to take your probably only mildly under the weather child to your parents for Christmas?

[Sgtmajormummy]

Have you shopped around for car rental? In my experience if there are more than 2 in the group it is WAY cheaper to rent a car, not to mention less hassle. Even Hertz is about £35 a day.

[Kacie123]

"However they would think it awful if I went against DH."

... Really? Why?

[TheBunnyOfDoom]

Why don't you feel you can stand up to your husband? That's not good

[Bookeatingboy]

Is your DH going to keep him at home every time he's got a cold all through his childhood? Both schools and employers would expect attendance with just a cold. The whole country would grind to a holt if not.

It does sounds like he didn't want to go anyway and your ds having a cold has given him an reason to get out of it.

[Shutthatdoor]

Do you go to your family every Christmas?

[Kacie123]

I am a bit worried that he can order you around like that, but perhaps that's a lost in translation on screen thing...

[TheBunnyOfDoom]

Also, how come DH gets to take him out with a cold, but he can't go and see your family for Christmas?

He doesn't get the final say. You want to go, your family want you to go, so why does your DH get to go against all of that?

[Breadwidow]

Just spoke to my mum, she just doesn't want me and DH to row and we both agreed that I cannot just cone up with both kids leaning DH alone and I also don't want to leave DS. I have stood my ground but it's apparently selfish.

[TartanBirdFeeder]

I'm assuming the OP's parents could be elderly and not welcome a child with a cold. We were due to go to my parents for Xmas but we are all full of cold and so we're not going. Two 80 year olds, one of whom is asthmatic, are not going to thank us for spreading our germs to them; they've always told us not to visit when we have colds. We don't like it but it makes sense really.

[Breadwidow]

DH is SAHD so DS can be off nursery for little colds. We don't go to my family every Xmas, haven't been there in 2 years but we do see them more than DH's family even though they live further away. That's more down to DH's family being disorganised

[Sgtmajormummy]

Car hire from £14 a day. Wrap up DS and make it an "Invalid's Christmas" he'll never forget. Issues with DH can wait until the festivities and illness are over.
www.hertz.co.uk/rentacar/reservation/