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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give them some space even though it means I'm alone over the festive period

215 replies

eatthebloodymincepie · 20/12/2015 11:36

AIBU to realise that it's not about me at all, that family and friends need to spend time with their own family and friends and being alone isn't the worst that can happen?

but to secretly wish I had one thing to look forward to?

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 20/12/2015 11:44

Have your family and friends asked you to share Christmas with them?

Are you worried they are just being dutiful?

Not sure how to answer you really as you don't say whether you have been invited for Christmas Day anywhere. Flowers

yorkshapudding · 20/12/2015 11:58

I'm not sure I understand you correctly. Are you saying that you have had invitations for Christmas but are turning them down because you feel that people are just being dutiful and would rather be with their own immediate family? Or are you saying that you haven't been invited anywhere but recognise that this is nothing personal and is just because people value time with their own immediate family during the festive period?

If it's the former, then there's nothing wrong with accepting an invitation and I wouldn't assume that it wasn't meant sincerely. I can see why you wouldn't want to foist yourself on the same hosts for the entire festive period but there's no point being alone for the whole thing if you don't want to and don't have to. You could accept an invitation for dinner, for example, then leave them to get on with it and have a chilled out evening with some Christmas chocs in front of the telly.

If its the latter, then I think it depends on your situation. Do your friends and family know you'll be alone or might they have assumed you have plans? Is it possible that they think you prefer it that way? I can't imagine not extending an invitation to a friend or relative who I knew was going to be alone for the whole thing.

theycallmemellojello · 20/12/2015 12:02

I agree with the above advice. If you're planning to be alone on Christmas day, can I suggest volunteering at a soup kitchen/homeless shelter? It can be very rewarding to help others, and while of course it's worthwhile to do it for its own sake, it also might lift your spirits if you are on your own.

HelloItsMeAgain · 20/12/2015 12:18

If you have been invited and would like to accept, then accept.

We are having a just-me-DH-and-DCs Christmas this year. We have a newly single male friend who is spending the first part of the day with his parents and DSis. He (and we) knows he will have had enough of them by 2/3pm. We invited him to "escape" here any time he wants. We mean it. We would not have said it if we did not.

He is coming at 3pm. We are delighted.

If he had been all alone all day we would have invited him all day/for a couple of days. A just-the4-of-us Christmas just means no parents (exhausting, narcissistic). Our lovely friend - brilliant.

Jux · 20/12/2015 12:59

We always invite at least one person who would otherwise be alone. This year it's my best friend who's recently split with her longterm p. Also her children. It double the number of people here for Xmas, and I think we'll have a great time.

If you've been invited, accept and enjoy yourself, your hosts want you to.

Personally, I'd rather enjoy a Xmas alone. I could do whatever I wanted, when I wanted. Watch silly films that no one else wants to see, eat chocolate all day and no cooking/washing up.

AdjustableWench · 20/12/2015 13:07

I love spending time with family at Christmas! Haven't spent much time with friends - that's just how things have worked out because we usually travel to visit family, but if we were staying at home I'd quite happily invite friends, especially if they were otherwise going to be alone. I'm not looking for 'space' at Christmas, although I suppose that could be important to some people. Maybe it depends how sociable your family and friends are in general?

GertyBoo · 20/12/2015 13:12

I spent one Christmas totally alone (I had newly arrived in a new country) and spent the day indulging myself: bought food I loved, some new books, watched TV, had a lovely candlelit bath. I still treasure that Christmas.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 20/12/2015 13:13

It's probably too late to volunteer this Christmas now. So many people have told me to do that (I'll be on my own too) - I don't live in London, but I applied in August and it was already full. There are lots of volunteers for Christmas.

I've made peace with being on my own, I think. A few people might drop in and visit me, if I'm lucky, or I'll just sleep through the day. Not having Christmas dinner will be the worst part, but getting food for one felt stupid and I've left it too late now.

Fairenuff · 20/12/2015 13:14

YANBU anyone can be on their own for a day or two and still enjoy their time Xmas Smile

MrsJayy · 20/12/2015 13:26

Without being corny christmas is about spending time with loved ones and they want you with them . Do you feel you are a bother to somebody?

Seryph · 20/12/2015 13:36

I've spent a couple of Christmases by myself, in my pj's (we have to dress nicely at DM's) with Chinese food with sole choice over what goes on the TV.
However I've also been taken in by a friend's family, who had never met me before, so that I wouldn't spend Christmas alone and that was awesome too.

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 20/12/2015 13:41

Sorry if it was unclear; I've had no invites Sad

It's fine ... Honestly Xmas Smile

OP posts:
ApocalypseNowt · 20/12/2015 13:43

Do your friends actually know you're going to be alone? It's easy to assume everyone is busy doing something....

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 20/12/2015 13:44

I'm pretty sure they do but people really are genuinely busy and tied up with their own family. I don't for a moment interpret lack of invites as a personal slight on me but just the same I am a bit Sad at 2 weeks alone!

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 20/12/2015 13:45

Plan a lovely day for yourself OP. You can connect with others by phoning and texting and then settle down for your own perfect day.

What will you have for your xmas dinner? It doesn't have to be roast, treat yourself to your absolute favourite meal.

magoria · 20/12/2015 13:58

It's probably not what you want to hear but Christmas alone can be such a nice relaxing time.

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 20/12/2015 14:01

I've left it a bit late to sort anything so I won't be having anything special ... Never mind! Stoic Xmas Smile

I don't mind Christmas alone but it's near enough every day over the 2 week period so I just feel a bit rubbish.

OP posts:
ReggaeShark · 20/12/2015 14:01

2 weeks alone? Why not invited people to you during the 2 weeks?

Ragwort · 20/12/2015 14:04

If you really have two weeks alone (do you mean off work? lucky you ) why don't you invite friends or acquaintances round for a drink or a meal? Although I am seeing family over Christmas I am also pleased to meet up with friends for a drink or cinema trip etc. Unless you live in an incredibly rural part of the country there will be Christmas shopping events, carol services, church services etc etc to attend. Some of the 'big' city volunteer organisations may have enough volunteers but I know where I live there are still opportunities for people to help at the local lunch and/or with driving.

stupidgreatgrinonmyface · 20/12/2015 14:04

Where are you?

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 20/12/2015 14:09

I thought I'd explained reggae- people are very busy with their own families during this time. I am lucky to have two weeks off, I agree.

OP posts:
knobblyknee · 20/12/2015 14:13

YANBU. You get used to a single xmas. It doesnt have to suck, you just have to decide that.
This year I have the Prime Suspect DVD box set, Resident Evil, a bottle of Baileys and a roast duck.

If I knew you I'd invite you to join me Smile

Enjolrass · 20/12/2015 14:16

It sounds like you are being a bit of a martyr.

We have two weeks off and between Christmas and new year the kids will be climbing the walls.

Not everyone has stuff planned everyday.

If a friends asked me for coffee I would be delighted.

You seem to not want to plan stuff and then feel a bit miffed you aren't doing anything

Ragwort · 20/12/2015 14:19

Not everyone is busy with their own families, lots of us are busy with work - I get Christmas Day and boxing Day off and back to work on the Sunday Grin.

You must have known you had two weeks off work, why haven't you organised anything? Without wanting to sound unkind it sounds as though you have left everything to the last minute and then are surprised you have no plans Confused - most of us make our Christmas arrangements quite early on. I know 'the grass is always greener' and all that but many of us crave time on our own !

Atenco · 20/12/2015 14:25

Get inviting, OP.