To give them some space even though it means I'm alone over the festive period

[eatthebloodymincepie]

AIBU to realise that it's not about me at all, that family and friends need to spend time with their own family and friends and being alone isn't the worst that can happen?

but to secretly wish I had one thing to look forward to?

What area are you in op? Maybe you could volunteer to go help in a soup kitchen at some point? Iv never done it. But have friends who have who loved it. Said there's great banter, everyone's wanting a wee chat and happy to tell there story's and found it very humbling to hear them.

Also a local cafe near me has put on fb they are opening between 12 and 2 serving coffees

Oops, want finished. Coffees, soup and sandwiches on Xmas day for the homeless, or people who are just a bit lonely. Maybe there's something like that in your area?

I'm sorry you will be alone, that can't be easy

When people say things like "ooh I'd love Christmas all by myself" and "lucky you, how relaxing", what they're forgetting is that that's because to them a few days of solitude would be a complete novelty. For some people though, being alone in an empty house isn't relaxing or indulgent, it's just their day to day life and might not be entirely through choice. It's easy to say you'd find two weeks alone "blissful" if you know that, when those two weeks were over, you'd go back to being surrounded by a partner, DC's, extended family etc. Some people live alone by choice and may not be even remotely bothered by a quiet Christmas with no plans but for some people it can be a really difficult time that just accentuates the loneliness they already experience.
OP, I don't think you sound like you're wallowing and I think it's pretty normal to feel a bit sad about being on your own at a time that is traditionally seen as being about family and togetherness. Maybe next year try to make some plans with friends further in advance before everyone gets booked up or, if you have time off work again, consider taking yourself away somewhere for a little holiday? My Aunt (who lost her husband some years ago) does this every year and loves it.

Well, quite yorksha, it's 'be careful what you wish for' as you can't just pack your spouse and children up, and make them disappear, and presumably nor would you want to!

I don't really enjoy going away alone, and friends are tied up with their own families so I do expect it in a way but that doesn't mean I love it!

Why don't you get a last minute holiday if u can afford it, somewhere nice & warm, canaries maybe.
That's totally what I would do.

I know what you mean about the two-week period. It can be quiet. I have had a busy December but all my Xmas dos and events are over now.

Oh God the soup kitchen suggestion.

Sorry, no offence but sometimes people who are lonely feel even more lonely among complete strangers.

Maybe the OP would love it - but I know I'd find it about the most stressful and uncomfortable experience possible!

Maybe not much use for this year but have a look at Intrepid Explorers. www.intrepidtravel.com/?gclid=Cj0KEQiAwNmzBRCaw9uR3dGt950BEiQAnbK96zuwHR-MqQ8cpBNR8eCVZYrG4dTmkIKD2s6ZxEm_E7waAkVQ8P8HAQ

I have nothing to do with them but 2 of my single friends have travelled with them and find them brilliant. They are not the typical "singles" travel company - just do small groups of couples/adult & adult child/singles exploring locations slightly off the beaten track.

Can you offer to help out with any of the birthday parties people are organising. Having an extra person to watch the children, transport food, etc could be a lifeline to someone.

for you mince pie
I've spent a few christmases alone, its is hard when you have no family. I can be a difficult time of year when all you see around you are families having fun, just reminds you of what you don't have.

I used to buy all my favourite foods and veg out in front of the TV for a few days and read some of the books I'd bought over the year and never gotten time to read. Do something nice for yourself.

OP, my own BFF is facing similar. She having Christmas on her own this year, too, as she's in a new town and her son is going to his iLs. For her it's the first time as she's had her own family to go to or has come to us. She's putting on a brave face but I know she's sad about it.

Unfortunately we live 1700 miles apart and can't afford the airfare or she'd be with us.

Just be kind to yourself and try not to let it get the better of you.

Are you sure people know youre on your own? A really close friend of mine has no family, but goes every year to her oldest friend's for Christmas. One year I saw her a few days after Christmas and asked her how her day had been. It turned out that the friends had been invited elsewhere, so my friend hadn't gone and had Christmas alone. She hadn't felt she could "barge in" on our Christmas.

She wouldn't have been barging in, she would have been a much-wanted guest, I just hadn't realised that she would be alone that year. Maybe that's the same with your friends?

Is there a reason why you're taking leave over Christmas? Is it too late to cancel your annual leave and tell your manager that you'd like to work over Christmas instead? That way you wouldn't be alone for two weeks, and you could take leave at another time when being alone won't feel so bad.

Excuse me - I don't feel resentful. And you are not alone with children

To be frank, OP, I do think you need to contact one or two of your friends and tell them you'd really like to meet up for a coffee or something in the next two weeks if they have time. If they're as busy as you say they might not have thought about whether you'll be alone for two whole weeks, they probably wouldn't want you to feel lonely, and they'd probably be very happy to meet for lunch or a coffee sometime. But if you don't suggest it they might not realise that you're alone.

If one of my friends were in your position I would definitely want them to tell me and I'd want to meet up with them. But I'm not always very good at working out what people want unless they tell me, and it might not occur to me to ask if I had lots of other things going on because my brain fills up very quickly.

for you OP. I've been there, and it's the worst. Used to make myself available for Christmas Day agency work as the pay was so good and was always assured I would get some work on the day. For the past two years I haven't, and my family have all done their own thing with friends/ in-laws etc. Last year was the worst as I was pregnant as well. I'm only 22 and have always adored Christmas so it was awful! This year things are set to be marvellous but I think it's very easy to belittle your sadness if people haven't been there. Some of the replies you've received have been so very harsh.

No advice really, although the holiday sounds like a fabulous idea.. You could research and go to a country that maybe doesn't put much emphasis on Christmas? I know you said you don't like going away alone but it must be better than spending 2 weeks by yourself. The other thing I would recommend is not to be tempted to check Facebook if you have it! Can make everything a lot harder seeing everyone having a 'perfect family Christmas' although in hindsight, at least half of these families were probably arguing/ being passive aggressive over the sprouts.

Apart from that, just wanted to send

Actually, I do live alone and most of my family is dead, including all parents, aunts, uncles, etc. and only sibling lives 600 miles away. So I DO know what I am talking about when I say that an extended stretch of time over the holiday season can be fun and rewarding.

I am spending this Christmas Day alone (by choice, admittedly, as two distant cousins have invited me to their homes as well as have a couple I am close friends with - I simply don't care to get up and drive 40 miles when I can have what I want here and enjoy a restful day) and have 12 straight days off work and have so much to do in that period of time I wish it were double! My head is spinning with plans to make the best use of that luxurious stretch of free days.

You say others are "busy with their own lives" - I think the trick is to be so busy with YOUR own life that you aren't bothered about what others are doing. And to stop thinking of yourself as "in the way" of people you care about and who care about you. Issue some invitations and you might be surprised.

Ok, if you don't feel resentful, what do you feel? I can't understand how you are feeling about this.

Yes, you can certainly be busy with your own life but it's impossible with the best will in the world to jam it so full of activities when there's no one at home for sort of 'default' company. I just don't have enough around me to never be in, and to be totally honest I couldn't afford it!

I don't think friends will have given much thought to me - not in a self pitying way but like I say people are busy and have busy lives!

Anyway the thread has gone a bit wrong which is a shame!

To add, by plans I mean projects around the house, local jaunts to antique shops and the like, a writing project I've been dying to tackle, getting set for the new year with new organizers, trying a new sewing technique, gorging on holiday films, etc. - and yes seeing a few people here and there by initiating invitations.

A bit sad, stop, that's it. I think I did say that in my OP; I certainly didn't say I resented anyone and nor did I insinuate it - I am confused as to how you gleaned that from my posts.

How was it supposed to go?

OK, I'll leave it. It's my fault I'm alone because I haven't invited anyone round and I'm bitterly resentful. Happy?

it was just a question.

I just found it hard to see what you were trying to get across, or what you wanted people to say.