Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give them some space even though it means I'm alone over the festive period

215 replies

eatthebloodymincepie · 20/12/2015 11:36

AIBU to realise that it's not about me at all, that family and friends need to spend time with their own family and friends and being alone isn't the worst that can happen?

but to secretly wish I had one thing to look forward to?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 21/12/2015 08:32

I'm sure none of us mean to be unkind with our suggestions hesterton but equally we all have a responsiblity for ourselves and there is a tendency for some posters to come across as 'poor me' without accepting at least some responsibility for the situation they are in.

Does the op really just want 'awwww, sorry, poor hun' type replies or is it more useful to have suggestions and shared experiences from other people who have had Christmas alone?

juneau · 21/12/2015 08:32

Flowers for you OP. Christmas can be an exceptionally lonely time for a lot of people who live alone and don't have immediate family. And that feeling that everyone else is busy, has things to do, people who need them, etc, just make it worse. As does everything being closed for days on end so that you can literally be stuck at home on your own without even being able to go out and browse the shops or waste bit of time running errands and having casual contact with other people.

allypally999 · 21/12/2015 08:53

You sound like a nice person and I'm sorry people are being a bit negative (some of them) though I haven't read it all.

MN tends to be a bit young so perhaps most still have family alive. Evenutually we will all be in your situation and I have no idea how I will cope as it gets closer. It must seem like a very long time indeed. On the plus side seeing all your family can be a pain (fights, etc). Not everyone is having a perfect Hollywood time of it. I'd probably volunteer at a soup kitchen or go away (where obviously you will still be alone).

Put your feet up and try not to think about it .. just enjoy the crap tv and have a wee drink! Wine Cake. Merry Xmas to you!

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 21/12/2015 08:55

Ragwort, I'm really not being pity me at all and I don't feel bad but comments like that MAKE me feel bad! Volunteering is a great thing to do but I have a friends dog over Christmas so can't. On the whole I think I'd prefer it if the thread could be left there; it's upset me a bit even though most posts have been nice the idea that I wallow, am self pitying or a martyr is NOT me!

OP posts:
StoptheRavelry · 21/12/2015 09:01

Just one q - why did you say it was 'too late' to have something special to eat? There are four days left to buy food - I've not got anything yet for Christmas dinner.

allypally999 · 21/12/2015 09:01

Actually on reading this properly both Ragwort and hesterton put it better than I did .. MN is still basically a supportive place

hesterton · 21/12/2015 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairenuff · 21/12/2015 09:10

I was wondering the same Stop, I haven't got any Christmas food in yet either, surely there is plenty of time to buy yourself something nice to eat and drink on xmas day OP?

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 21/12/2015 09:33

Boy do I regret starting this :)

OP posts:
StoptheRavelry · 21/12/2015 09:36

It's not that hard of a question.

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 21/12/2015 09:38

I've told you that your questions on this thread are upsetting me. Why are you still here?

Im actually not that into food and cooking and eating it doesn't interest me that much and I dare say you'll attack me about that too

OP posts:
StoptheRavelry · 21/12/2015 09:40

I don't get why my question has upset you. Someone else asked exactly the same thing.

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 21/12/2015 09:42

And also to go into even more detail the thought of sitting alone with a special dinner makes me want to cry. It feels pathetic and lonely and horrible (that's how I feel on holiday alone that's just how I feel not how it is.)

PLEASE leave it now.

OP posts:
StoptheRavelry · 21/12/2015 09:44

Well that I can understand.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 21/12/2015 09:48

Ah, Eat, I'm sorry the thread hasn't helped.

The OP was a bit confusing and I think that's potentially why it went off course - on initial reading, it did make it sound like you'd had invites but declined them because you wanted your friends to be with their families, and I think that might have set you in a bit of a 'martyr' light that hasn't quite left.

Regardless, it does suck. I'll be on my own too. I felt much like you until last weekend, when I decided that Christmas is going to happen whether I want it to or not, so I put up the tree and I am planning to go and buy some good food. Not a turkey and all the trimmings, because there would be so much waste and I can't cook well, but some of my favourite bits because I'll still need to eat!

The rest of the suggestions are well-intended, but it's easy to say "Ooh volunteer" if you haven't had to look into it - it's packed for Christmas, there's nowhere left to do it, and sometimes it doesn't help. It is well-intended, though, people were trying.

There will be people on MN on Christmas day and there are other people who are on their own. Maybe not in your immediate world, but we do exist.

Hopefully once the big day is done, your friends will feel like having 10 minutes away from their families and you'll have more company.

All the best.

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 21/12/2015 09:50

I get that some people were trying to help but many were not. Many just wanted to stick the boot in by smugly telling me their lives were so jam packed they'd love two weeks of quiet and the resentful / wallowing comments were horrible. I've been through multiple bereavements and if I hadn't I wouldn't be in this position. But you know, whatever; some of you made me feel like shit so merry Christmas to you too.

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 21/12/2015 09:53

I get that too. Even professionally. You're orphaned? I'd love not to have parents to worry about. Got no plans? Why not go travelling.

I try to take it on the chin and just carry on, but it is hard. It is.

I think, if I'm honest, the comments around Christmas are because everyone feels like they should extend an invite to someone who is alone, but few actually wants too, so they try to convince themselves that you're better off alone/you'll have some lovely peace and quiet/you could have gone travelling so that they feel better?

I'll stop replying to this so it doesn't keep getting bumped but truly, I hope you have an okay day, at least. I hope all of us on our own get through it okay.

ohhelpohnoitsa · 21/12/2015 09:55

I haven't read.the whole.thread but get.the gist. I think many people could actually enjoy Christmas alone if the whole commercial world would.stop pressuring us in to some ideal scenario. My sil chose to be alone one year.and felt compelled to.tell her brother, mother and best friend she was at someone elses house as they all 'took pity' on her.

ohhelpohnoitsa · 21/12/2015 10:00

eatthe sorry I didn't mean to bump. I hope you have a better time than expected.

harshbuttrue1980 · 21/12/2015 10:01

Have you tried meetup.com? Its free, and you can search a calendar to see what is happening in your local area. I'm spending christmas with my parents, but didn't have any plans for new year as all my friends are coupled up and my parents don't really "do" new year. I've joined a meetup group, and about 40 of us are going for a meal on NYE. In another meetup group, I've signed up for a walk on new year's day. Please don't fall into the trap of thinking that everyone has people to spend the festive season with - plenty of people don't, and groups like meetup were made for that purpose!

Fairenuff · 21/12/2015 10:05

It's just that you said it was too late to buy food.

But if the real reason is that it will make you feel worse, you don't have to cook a christmas dinner and sit there feeling sad, that's the whole point. You can have what you want, when you want.

You can stay in bed all day if you want. I hope you feel better about it once the day itself is over and things start to get back to normal. Have you made plans for NYE?

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 21/12/2015 10:07

Oh yes I'd LOVE to stay in bed all day as I have nothing to get up for Hmm

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 21/12/2015 10:09

I said if you want. Jeez Hmm

FretYeNot · 21/12/2015 10:17

Have you got facebook? Could you put up as a status 'Eathebloodymincepie has two weeks off and would love to spend it with friends, would anybody like a visit? Form an orderly queue!'

The worst that could happen is that you get no invites, which would be horrible, but you might get the opposite?

The problem with this time of year is the expectations that come along with it. Two weeks alone in summer feels like a holiday, two weeks alone as Christmas feels like an abandonment.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 21/12/2015 10:20

Op I do sympathise to an extent but you do seem rather doggedly determined to have a bad time and don't seem to have made a huge amount of effort to invite people round to yours or to arrange any other social events. If that's the case then you can't be that surprised that you don't have much planned.