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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give them some space even though it means I'm alone over the festive period

215 replies

eatthebloodymincepie · 20/12/2015 11:36

AIBU to realise that it's not about me at all, that family and friends need to spend time with their own family and friends and being alone isn't the worst that can happen?

but to secretly wish I had one thing to look forward to?

OP posts:
Fallstar · 21/12/2015 15:58

Oh, OP, I'm so sorry you're feeling sad.

I get what you're saying and why you feel the way you do.

Feeling sad and alone sucks, and this time of the year makes it far worse. So sorry for your losses.

Hugs to you and hang in there, love. I hope some of your friends come through for you over the holiday.

CockwombleJeff · 21/12/2015 16:04

Well that's where you're wrong Mincepie and that is why I have suggested you look outside of yourself and consider why others might think you are blessed.

As I nurse who will be working Christmas I can categorically tell you that for many patients it would make their month for some "random" person to sit , and talk to them .

Yes you are alone for 2 weeks but youhave a home , job and friends. Far much more than the people I see on a daily basis.

Again if you don't want to be alone - offer your time and make yourself feel good at the same time.

All the people on mumsnet can offer you empathy ( which they do) but it won't make your situation different will it?

Accept your situation or change it -

And if you want fluffy replies ... Don't post in AIBU Smile

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 21/12/2015 16:14

The whole thread was about accepting it. The whole thread.

You have no idea what I do and what I know about others. Don't assume.

OP posts:
Notimefortossers · 21/12/2015 16:19

If you want the thread to die ask MNHQ to delete it and probs don't post in AIBU again unless you're fully prepared to be told that you are

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 21/12/2015 16:24

I want the thread to die because it's actually the opposite - people are telling me I'm being unreasonable because:

I should be thankful for what I have (I am just a little sad) and
I should start the new year with no friends because I spent the festive period whining about being alone.

Anyway, great username that. Me too. Me too.

OP posts:
Notimefortossers · 21/12/2015 16:31

It's the opposite of what?

I think you are reading the majority of comments completely wrong. You have been through a lot in your life OP. Perhaps counselling might help you.

As I said. If you REALLY want the thread to die get it deleted. Or stop replying and stop looking at it

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 21/12/2015 16:39

What I wanted when I posted over 24 hours ago was a couple of supportive comments and so I'm not going to get the thread deleted and I'm not going to hide it as they are nice to read.

It's a shame that in the midst of that are rude, hurtful comments about me and my friends and it's for that reason I would prefer it to drop so I don't have to keep defending myself although for spending Christmas alone I really shouldn't have to.

Perhaps you could also consider counselling for your lack of empathy or maybe you could visit a hospital to help you with that.

OP posts:
Snowfedup · 21/12/2015 16:40

Hi

Are you on facebook at all ? I don't know whereabouts you are but there are lots of local groups near me and i have seen people just putting up simple open invitations to anyone who is at a loose end wanting to meet for coffee - many are new to the area and just want to meet people and make friends.

You might find others in the same boat?

sorry if this is late to the thread and not helpful !

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 21/12/2015 16:44

Thanks snow. I've spent pretty much all my Christmases on my own for a long time and I'm fine and used to it. I was just having a low day yesterday and felt a bit weird and disconnected, probably after finishing work. Today I'm just a bit annoyed at the unpleasant comments on here but grateful for people's kindness.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 21/12/2015 16:44

I think you are the one showing lack of empathy in the replies you give to anyone who doesn't just give you a supportive comment.

This is chat forum and you have posted in AIBU so you must expect robust replies and there have been a lot of comments and suggestions about what you could do to change your situation but you seem to just want to hear people saying 'ah, poor you, what an awful time you are having' - how does that really help you? Hmm

And if you want the thread to die then just stop responding.

Fairenuff · 21/12/2015 16:45

people are telling me I'm being unreasonable

OP, you actually asked 'AIBU to realise that it's not about me at all, that family and friends need to spend time with their own family and friends and being alone isn't the worst that can happen?' and posters have in fact told you that you are not unreasonable.

They have agreed with you that being alone isn't the worst that can happen and some have even said that they would love two weeks to themselves. Also, I haven't seen any name calling on this thread.

You can hide the thread if you've had enough of it.

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 21/12/2015 16:51

True but I still think if your only response to someone alone at Christmas is to angrily tell them it's their own fault take a long hard look at yourself. And fairenuff - don't tell me what to do. Hmm

OP posts:
Snowfedup · 21/12/2015 16:55

You've made me really sit and have a think about any friends who might be on their own now. I have a toddler with a birthday just before christmas and am busy with work and i might well have overlooked someone in all the madness in previous years. If even half the posters on here did the same maybe you could take that as a positive from posting ?

FeralBeryl · 21/12/2015 16:57

I'm sorry - I hadn't seen the bit about you wanting to let it die off when I commented earlier 🙈
Flowers and Flowers for Scarlett too, we'll get through it eh

IrritableBitchSyndrome · 21/12/2015 16:59

OP... are you aware that you come across as being a bit depressed? Do you think you might need a bit of help with depression generally, or am I mis-reading you? (If so, sorry!)

PrivatePike · 21/12/2015 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 21/12/2015 17:04

I'm not depressed but I have been unwell which is why I've got less patience than normally I have.

Plus it is a hard time of year. I certainly have been sharp on this last page but I really am so fed up now with the comments. It isn't the suggestions I mind but the fact that if I won't or can't do them then it's my own fault that I'm upset at and I do find them upsetting.

OP posts:
EvaBING · 21/12/2015 17:10

I am not taking the piss here - being genuine - if you could afford it - would you consider booking a week somewhere sunny? Last minute deal. Get the fuck out of here and enjoy yourself?
Not sure if it's not something you could afford - flights on Xmas day should be cheap surely?

You'll have something exciting to look forward to!

Original poster
eatthebloodymincepie · 21/12/2015 17:12

Thank you. I don't think you are taking the piss but holidays alone aren't something I tend to enjoy :)

OP posts:
IrritableBitchSyndrome · 21/12/2015 17:14

I'm not finding you impatient, particularly. I thought a lot of the responses you received were harsh or not v helpful. I was just thinking that in my own case (and I totally accept that this might not be true for you) that when I feel that no-one has time for me, but also stop myself from contacting friends, it's because I'm having a period of low mood. Other times the circumstances can be the same but I'll handle things fine depending on mood. Totally understand if you're also ill - nobody feels social when ill!

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 21/12/2015 17:20

Sometimes you can just feel too worn down by what life's thrown at you to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. That's understandable and you shouldn't feel bad about it eat. Sometimes getting through to bedtime is enough until you're feeling a bit stronger. Flowers

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/12/2015 17:25

I'd hate it OP Sad, I know I would.

I don't know what I'd do. Make a plan to do something each day I suppose, on top of the dog walking. Shopping, go to the library, teach myself how to knit Grin

PhoenixReisling · 21/12/2015 17:27

Flowers for you eat

I am a little Hmm at some of the posts on this thread! Where are people's compassion, empathy?

So what if you posted on AIBU....you were looking for support!

eat you sound a very considerate friend. Also, it has made me think about Christmas is not just one day....but many many days. For those alone I can only imagine how difficult it can be.

Notimefortossers · 21/12/2015 17:35

Perhaps you could also consider counselling for your lack of empathy or maybe you could visit a hospital to help you with that.

See, this is the kind of thing I'm talking about. You are mis-reading people. Where exactly have I shown a lack of empathy? I've offered a suggestion as to something you could do to make yourself feel better and to have a better Christmas break. I've not berated you when you said you couldn't do that for whatever reason. And I also suggested a way that you could make the thread die as that's what you said you wanted to happen?

I never thought your OP was unreasonable and never said so, but I'm starting to think you might just be an unreasonable person in general!

I didn't see anyone angrily telling OP it was her own fault.

That's because no one did. OP clearly has problems, but it not yet in a place where she can admit it or accept help. So I'm out

AtrociousCircumstance · 21/12/2015 20:19

YANBU op.

Sending you some Christmas love Flowers

I'm sorry you're feeling blue. It's no surprise. Get through the Xmas period the best you can.

So sorry for your losses. And please don't let this thread upset you. You're not wallowing, at all, but you know what? If you do feel like wallowing - go for it. Wallowing has a lot to offer if it means connecting to how you really feel.

I love a good wallow, followed (on your own time frame and when you're ready) by the customary dusting-yourself-down-and-carrying-on.

You will probably feel some sadness this holiday. Hopefully the doggy will cheer you up and there will be some unexpectedly nice moments. Then it will pass.

When you're alone you just have to fall back on your own resources, as you know, and sometimes that feels really hard.

The new year will be here before you know it. And it's brand new. Yes, sentimental, I know, but - it's true Smile