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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas & PIL... Sorry!

303 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 14/12/2015 11:03

Me, DH, our DD's and DDog always spend Christmas with my parents. They really go all out, my siblings go, our nieces and nephews, my nan, and even our two best friends get invited. There's loads of people and games and other children to play with, and we usually go out with all the above people on Christmas Eve, go there Christmas morning, pop to PIL to give presents for a few hours, back to my mums for lunch and the rest of the day, and go there again Boxing Day with all the same people.

That sounds mean written down, but PIL have previously been invited and declined, they don't like DDog and won't have him in the house and I can't leave him for that many hours, and it's just not as fun for the children.

Last year BIL & SIL (who pop round to PIL's) at the same time as us on Christmas morning moved away, and so MIL has offered to work on Christmas morning and FIL wants us to just move 'Christmas' to Boxing Day.

That's absolutely fine by me... A small part of me was a bit insulted that without B&SIL there it isn't worth it for them, but it makes it easier for us without having to rush around in the morning. We'll miss Boxing Day stuff at my mums which is annoying, but that's life.

But yesterday MIL says to DH 'so will you get here about 7.45 on Christmas morning?' And it transpires she wants to be taken and collected from work on Christmas Day, that's leaving our house about 7.30 and not returning until about 8.45, which is when our young DD's will wake up and want to open presents, and will delay is getting to my mums to open presents with the children waiting there...

She wants to be picked up at 1.30, which means asking my mum to delay dinner by a minimum 45 mins which I just feel rude to do when she's cooking for so many people and others have made plans to come and go based on timings we always do.

It's really pissed me off that she is expecting him to do this on Christmas Day... And give up our Boxing Day. AIBU?

OP posts:
RideEmCowgirl · 14/12/2015 11:05

Errrrr no YANBU. I gather your DH did refuse?

How does she normally get to work?

Sandbrook · 14/12/2015 11:06

How does she usually get to work?

thequickbrownfox · 14/12/2015 11:08

Can't she get herself to and from work?

FlameProofBoots · 14/12/2015 11:08

Just say no.

srslylikeomg · 14/12/2015 11:10

NO no way.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 14/12/2015 11:10

A friend she works with usually gives her a lift, but isn't working Christmas Day. (Neither was MIL Angry)

It's fair to say it's quite far, and there won't be buses on Christmas Day... I don't think anyway??

OP posts:
FuckingCrumbs · 14/12/2015 11:11

YANBU. Say no.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 14/12/2015 11:13

She can find herself a taxi then can't she. Just remind her it will be more expensive due to the Christmas surcharge. What an entitled brat she is.

HeadfirstForHalos · 14/12/2015 11:14

No chance, just say no!

srslylikeomg · 14/12/2015 11:15

Taxi. Book it for her if you have to but it's not ok to disrupt Christmas Day like that. Surely she can see tha???? Does FIL not drive?

Littleredhouse · 14/12/2015 11:15

That's very presumptuous! If she can't drive, why can't FIL do it, or failing that she'll have to get a taxi.

YoniMitchell · 14/12/2015 11:15

If your MIL felt happy enough to arrange to work then she really needs to sort her own way there and back.

I think I'd be happy enough to drop her there but wouldn't be picking her up given the timings and that it would mean putting so many people's (long-standing) plans out of whack.

What did your DH say to her?

MaxPepsi · 14/12/2015 11:16

Regardless of all the other arrangements you have.

Asking someone you don't live with to drive you to work is taking the piss at the best of times.

Why can't FIL take her?

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 14/12/2015 11:18

Why on earth would she think that DH is taking and picking her up from work?

Are you sure he hasn't offered? Because this - But yesterday MIL says to DH 'so will you get here about 7.45 on Christmas morning? - sounds to me like he has.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 14/12/2015 11:19

FIL doesn't drive for a medical reason.

DH has no backbone and didn't say no! It was only when I heard her telling him the times that I said 'can we chat about it and get back to you? Because that's right when DD1 & 2 will wake up and run downstairs for presents.' I only heard about the PM pick up on the way home.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 14/12/2015 11:22

Apparently he didn't offer... That was my suspicion too. He said she just assumed...

We have taken her to work before when her friend has been ill or away.. But it's usually been a weekend or he's been working from home so we've been able to fit it in with school run.. Christmas Day is entirely different.

OP posts:
AnneTwacky · 14/12/2015 11:22

She knew the transport situation when she volunteered to work on Christmas Day. She will have to get a taxi or maybe FIL can take her, if he drives.

Your DH is not obliged to drive her to and from work, particularly if he would rather be at home enjoying the day with his wife and kids.

AnneTwacky · 14/12/2015 11:23

Sorry for the crosspost Blush

RB68 · 14/12/2015 11:23

My question wld be does she not drive herself never mind FIL - does he always drive her to work - thats quite a commitment!!

RB68 · 14/12/2015 11:23

In fact reading back friend usually does - that also is quite a commitment

mamas12 · 14/12/2015 11:24

How unreasonable of her.
Taxi needs to be booked or she can't work
Harsh but a fact of life.
Surely if your dh pointed out that her plans of getting a lift from the father of her grandchildren will result in a huge disruption
Sorry op but this won't go down well but really your dh was just going to do that! Gird your loins and try not to engage in too many to and from arguing . Present it as best for the children.
Good luck

XiCi · 14/12/2015 11:30

She needs to book taxis. There are plenty working on Xmas day so she'll have no problem there.
Sounds like she is deliberately trying to piss you off

TheBouquets · 14/12/2015 11:32

Given that you spend every Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day with your family and presumably your DH spends those days with you at your family home I think your PIL are more than reasonable in asking for a tiny amount of contact with their own son on Christmas Day. It seems that nothing must interfere with what your family do. Given that MIL is working Christmas Day I wonder what her job is. It would have to be something very necessary to need staff in on Christmas Day

ENormaSnob · 14/12/2015 11:33

No way jose.

Yanbu.

whats shes saving on not running a car will easily cover a taxi xmas day.

Crabbitface · 14/12/2015 11:33

YABU - she is your husbands MUM! She never gets have a full Christmas day with her child or her grandchildren because you have said it's not as much fun as at your parents. And now you grudge her a lift to work when it won't even take that long. I'm sure your kids can wait until 8.45 to open pressies and I really don't reckon my mum would mind delaying dinner by 45 mins if it meant doing someone a favour on Christmas day.

Isn't Christmas supposed to be the season of goodwill and kindness after all.

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