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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Downstairs neighbour complaining about my breastpump, AIBU not to change rooms at night?

733 replies

Cealee · 08/12/2015 17:11

Just bought a new powerful pump as I'm exclusively expressing. We live in a flat that's split over 2 levels so our bedroom is on 1st floor, our lounge upstairs on 2nd floor. Our neighbour (on ground floor) caught me in hall to ask what the 'mechanical noise' is that wakes her up Blush I explained its my breastpump and that I need to express at 11pm, 3am and 7am to maintain supply. She said it makes ceiling vibrate and is very loud (even though it's not on the floor it's on a cushion on my bedside table!) She asked me to do it upstairs. I explained this isn't practical as my DH wears earplugs so I need to be able to hear baby if he wakes. She suggested I take baby upstairs with me!! Why should I have to move my sleeping baby upstairs (and risk waking him) every time I express milk? He's just started sleeping through and got used to his cot. And there's no way I'm going to move cot upstairs and sleep on sofa for the next 8months Angry

AIBU to think it's rude to tell someone not to express milk in their own bedroom? It's not like I'm playing loud music! I don't see why neighbour can't just get some earplugs!

OP posts:
OldFarticus · 10/12/2015 12:17

DH is against FF? Well if he has a pair of boobs in his next life, he can EBF to his heart's content. Until then, he can pipe the fuck down.

Is it 1954 in your house OP? It sounds like it.

And if I was your neighbour, I would be buying some big ass speakers and sticking them right over your bedroom then going on holiday for a week

differentnameforthis · 10/12/2015 12:18

DH is against FF. If my dh was against me feeding my children in way shape or form, which made me have to be awake & going to lengths such as you are every night, he wouldn't be sleeping either.

Its OK to be against something when it isn't affecting your life. Selfish arse. Perhaps you need to get rid of him, I wouldn't tolerate being told how to feed my child if it only ever impacted on me & not the person dictating to me.

Stimpack · 10/12/2015 12:19

OP you and your husband are really coming across as twats.

SilentBob · 10/12/2015 12:19

DH is against ff so you put your damn neighbour through sleepless nights in order to do something you 'probably wouldn't be doing' if it weren't for him plus he never has an undisturbed night?! Wow, just...wow.

Tell me this is a wind up thread?!

lorelei9 · 10/12/2015 12:30

OP, I'm sure no one can specify that if you own. But really, your neighbour should not have to move to some magical place in order to get a little basic consideration. I am feeling sorry for your neighbour and we have babies in my building....but guess what, they are lovely neighbours who do their best to keep the noise down.

anyway, if you don't realise by p24 that your attitude stinks....but now I see your husband's attitude does too. If you want to formula feed, do. He doesn't get to make the decision. It sounds like he is prepared to do zero for the baby and expects you to deal with everything.

TaliZorah · 10/12/2015 12:30

*Using equipment to enable baby to feed is not same as choosing to do housework at 3am.
*

It is when you could easily make it quieter by doing it in another room.

OP I have a mood . Sleep deprivation can set it off. I'm a single parent, if I have an episode it will be very hard for me and my son. Someone else may have to have time off work to look after us. I would miss certain things with my child.

There are loads of illnesses set off by sleep deprivation. You are being a selfish arse about this whole issue. your neighbour may be really affected by sleep deprivation, how would you feel if you caused something like I mentioned by not moving your bloody breast pump?

lorelei9 · 10/12/2015 12:30

SilentBob - where's the "like" button?

TaliZorah · 10/12/2015 12:33

DH is against FF. Otherwise I would probably be combination feeding by now or at least using f as a back-up. He also thinks expressing is unnecessary and says baby will latch if he's hungry enough (he won't, he just screams and screams!)
He does help out in evenings but considers nights my job since I'm on mat-leave which seems fair enough (I thought this was normal for most people?)

OP I actually feel sorry for you now, DH must stand for dick head.

He's not the one being sleep deprived is he? He's not the one having to exclusively express. He's not the one with a screaming baby at night.

It's not up to him how to feed your child.

TaliZorah · 10/12/2015 12:34

Mood disorder that should say

NoSquirrels · 10/12/2015 12:39

However, Cealee, you say that you are concerned that, if you 'give in' to this, she will carry on and complain about other, normal noises. You could find that, if you do 'give in' on this, it will make her feel positive about you, which might make more complaints less likely rather than more likely. But if you carry on waking her at night, that WILL make her pissed off at you - and if she is pissed off, every single thing you do will annoy her - and may generate more complaints, not fewer.

What Wolef said, YY to all her post, but particularly the above. As I tried to say earlier, as your baby gets bigger, you may need more not less understanding from her.

Your DH cannot be "against" FF if he is not the one lactating or struggling to latch a baby. I had a friend who had a 'D'H like this too, right down to the same details. The relationship didn't last due to his selfishness.

I have a preference for breastfeeding. I was lucky I didn't need to challenge my preference. But I would have mixed fed or FF in your situation, as there's no medical reason for your baby not to have formula. And my DH would have supported me to do what I felt was best for the baby and FOR ME. FF is not a big deal, it really isn't, whereas sleep deprivation really IS (as your DH seems to agree, as he needs to sleep through with earplugs, and as you seem to limitedly agree, as you let him sleep through with ear plugs but don't worry about your neighbour's sleep.) But apparently in this your sleep deprivation doesn't matter to HIM. If you weren't having to be up at 3am to express you might find things easier especially with the colicy baby.

Given your last post, about your preference to switch to mix feeding and your DH's attitude, I would urge you to consider how you have things set up. It is normal in some ways for the mother on maternity leave to do a lot of the nights, but don't set a precedent you will struggle to escape when you need to go back to work. By that time, if baby is not used to anyone else in the night, you'll end up doing it all AND working. You say you walk around with the baby in a sling when he cries int he evenings - your DH needs to be doing this as well - is he? It's really easy to become the "expert" and martyr yourself - resist it at all costs.

Flowers OP. You have had a pasting, because you are sounding like you can't see that it's your and your DH's problem to solve, not your neighbours. I hope your compromises work, but if I were you I would still just bloody go upstairs at 3am.

littlemermaid80 · 10/12/2015 12:42

Wow!!!
Your Dh "considers the nights your job?!" He is "against FF?"

Tell him to grow up and stop being so selfish.

roundtable · 10/12/2015 12:43

I don't think op comes across as a twat, she's taken people's opinions on board.

Her 'D'H on the other hand...Angry

Blacktealeaves · 10/12/2015 12:54

Your husband is against ff? What the actual fuck???? I had to write that out in full because so flabbergasted.

He can be against ff all he likes when he has boobs and has to deal with this crap. He gets to laid down the law so that you have to do something utterly debilitating, getting up in the middle of he night, and waking up the poor neighbour (plus probably disturbing those on either side) while he gets a full night sleep with ear plugs in? What prize cunt.

Op, for the love of God stand up to this man. You seem well able to stand up to the poor neighbour. Tell him, "no, the baby won't latch if hungry enough, he will starve and not thrive. Please don't give me your opinion until you have conducted some actual research and consulted an expert. And no, I will notbe getting up in the night to pump in order to satisfy your rules any more. I will be getting the good night sleep I need to look after our child and using some formula. If you don't like it tough."

Please get some formula into that child and some sleep for yourself. You can't look after a baby on such broken sleep. It can be dangerous, and it's at least as important for you to be alert looking after baby as for him to be alert at work. You have the care of the most precious thing in the world during the day, not him. Napping in the day does not make up for a night's sleep ime, and you will need to be able to go out and about with the baby.

One good thing - you are renting so don't own property with this twat.

Blacktealeaves · 10/12/2015 12:59

I bloody knew it was the husband that was the root of all this.

Absolutely classic that someone getting unreasonable shit at home lashes out against an outside party.

I'm sure you feel between a rock and a hard place op. But neighbour is not the one you need to break down.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 10/12/2015 13:00

Why the fuck do women procreate with such twats?

Enjolrass · 10/12/2015 13:02

So your dh is a bastard?

And you are more bothered about upsetting him than upsetting the neighbours.

Yabu for not telling him to fuck off.

Enjolrass · 10/12/2015 13:04

And tell your dh he can demand how the baby is fed when he can lactate himself.

Having an opinion or preference is fine. Demanding you do it a certain way and telling you that expressing is unnecessary is being a twat.

Awadebumbo · 10/12/2015 13:06

Honestly OP if I was your neighbour I would be now thinking of new and interesting ways to make your life unpleasant. I'm actually gob-smacked at your selfishness.

Chippednailvarnish · 10/12/2015 13:15

OP you and your husband are really coming across as twats

Yup.

sweetsomethings · 10/12/2015 13:18

Wow your husband is a delight and very controlling. After reading all your updates i think you must be on the wind up or are indeed the most selfish person ive ever come across.

Shutthatdoor · 10/12/2015 13:26

Why live in a family-friendly building if you are intolerant of noise? Lots of buildings are 'no children or pets' we struggled to find a flat near city centre when I was pregnant. Or neighbour could choose an area with mainly retired people or a bungalow.

No 'lots' of buildings aren't!

Why should your neighbour move! They have every right to live there.

You want 'retired' people to all live together so it doesn't inconvenience you.

Your attitude as does your DH stinks.

Your DH right to sleep is no more important than your neighbours.

Katastrophe13 · 10/12/2015 13:28

Poor OP is a new mum. She has recognised that she was being unreasonable and has now tried to sort the situation, so can people stop calling her a twat!! I get your point op that if you have to take the pump off and go downstairs your baby will prob be screaming by that point. The easy solution to this would be your DH taking his plugs out and giving your baby back his dummy or checking his nappy or whatever. He could always bring the baby up to you and go back to sleep. Alternatively he could let you FF. I don't know what your relationship is like with your DH, but you should stand up to him about this. I get that it's his child too, but it's your body and you are the person who is not being allowed to sleep. His comment about the latching has made me quite angry on your behalf.

slowdownyourneighbours · 10/12/2015 13:29

Op I have such sympathy for you - breastfeeding simply didn't work out for me, the baby just wouldn't latch. I would have been extremely distressed if my dh had made the situation harder by being 'against ff'. I expressed and topped up with formula for 7 weeks till shifting to ff completely.

If my dh had worn earplugs for any reason while I was dealing with a crying baby or pumping milk I would have considered kicking him out of the house. He sounds absolutely awful and controlling, this whole situation reflects so badly on him.

Sorry Op, the problem is not you or your neighbour your problem is your husband.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 10/12/2015 13:34

She has recognised that she was being unreasonable

Whilst saying that her neighbour should move if they don't like it.Hmm

KakiFruit · 10/12/2015 13:36

She has not recognised that she's being unreasonable.

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