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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Downstairs neighbour complaining about my breastpump, AIBU not to change rooms at night?

733 replies

Cealee · 08/12/2015 17:11

Just bought a new powerful pump as I'm exclusively expressing. We live in a flat that's split over 2 levels so our bedroom is on 1st floor, our lounge upstairs on 2nd floor. Our neighbour (on ground floor) caught me in hall to ask what the 'mechanical noise' is that wakes her up Blush I explained its my breastpump and that I need to express at 11pm, 3am and 7am to maintain supply. She said it makes ceiling vibrate and is very loud (even though it's not on the floor it's on a cushion on my bedside table!) She asked me to do it upstairs. I explained this isn't practical as my DH wears earplugs so I need to be able to hear baby if he wakes. She suggested I take baby upstairs with me!! Why should I have to move my sleeping baby upstairs (and risk waking him) every time I express milk? He's just started sleeping through and got used to his cot. And there's no way I'm going to move cot upstairs and sleep on sofa for the next 8months Angry

AIBU to think it's rude to tell someone not to express milk in their own bedroom? It's not like I'm playing loud music! I don't see why neighbour can't just get some earplugs!

OP posts:
accendo · 10/12/2015 13:38

It is absolutely possible to exclusively express, I have 4 kids all 10 mths apart and managed it for about a year each for my last 2. I tried for my first 2 but I was ill informed and had no idea. Tounge thrusting issues and inverted nipples made breast feeding a horrid time for us, so expressing was my next option. It does take a bit of planning and a lot of support, I would express in bed at night and my husband would be up at beside me feeding the baby. He also had to work early but these things need to be done! Without his support I dont think I would have been able to do it.

You are constantly trying to up your milk supply, suppliments are are a huge help, so look into those. It's all about the pump, I used a hand pump to start with but the sheer amount of expressing make this a hard task. I wised up and bought a double Medela hands fre rechargable pump, my husband made me a boob tube thing to wear that allwed me to not have to hold the pumps and the pumP could be cliped to my belt or waist band and it was amazing portable and very quiet.

Katastrophe13 · 10/12/2015 13:39

I think she was saying if the neighbour is noise sensitive and doesn't like living around noise of families she should move to a non familyfied area which is prob true. If she was not doing anything about the pump and saying the neighbour should move over the pump instead of her sorting it out. That would be unreasonable

Katastrophe13 · 10/12/2015 13:40

And she has recognised she said 'I recognise that I was being unreasonable'

DownstairsMixUp · 10/12/2015 13:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Pyjamaramadrama · 10/12/2015 13:42

Op I think you've had a bit of a hard time on this thread.

Your neighbour does sound very sensitive to noise and your dh sounds very unhelpful.

What I would say is seek support to try to get your baby to latch on before your milk supply goes.

Could you afford to go private?

nowirehangers · 10/12/2015 13:43

It's not being "noise sensitive" to dislike being woken at 3am every night. No one would like it. The OP's husband clearly wouldn't. I've seen many entitled posts on mn but this is in a different league

WeThreeMythicalKings · 10/12/2015 13:43

You and your DH sound well-matched. You seem to be selfish twats.

Katastrophe13 · 10/12/2015 13:44

sigh

Pyjamaramadrama · 10/12/2015 13:45

Not the breast pump but the op has resolved that and the neighbour is now asking her to go upstairs with her baby when he cries.

There is no need to call a new mum a selfish twat.

Katastrophe13 · 10/12/2015 13:47

The op says that the neighbour prefers silence. THAT is being noise sensitive. Obvs being woken up by something very loud at 3am every night isn't, but to expect absolute silenc when living in a flat is NoT reasonable

Redglitter · 10/12/2015 13:47

A child friendly building Hmm Wtf makes it child friendly. Soft play area round the back? Chute from floor to floor??

It's like 95% of flats just a building. How arrogant to suggest the neighbour should move to a bungalow. Living in flats means a bit of consideration to other people. Let's hope your neighbour doesn't suddenly start playing loud music late at night or at nap times

TaliZorah · 10/12/2015 13:52

It really isn't unreasonable to not want to be woken at 3am!

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 10/12/2015 13:59

What time was it when you listened to the noise in your neighbour's flat? That which is quiet and barely audible at 6pm could be horribly loud and disturbing at 3am when trying to sleep.

MTPurse · 10/12/2015 14:06

Lots of buildings are 'no children or pets' we struggled to find a flat near city centre when I was pregnant.

So you have not lived there very long at all?

Not the best way to start a relationship with your neighbours Op.

I have to agree with pp, You are coming across as very selfish, If I had a baby screaming from 5pm -11pm (sometimes 1am) then was woken by noise 3 times a night I would be livid.

Have a bit of respect for the ones around you and give your DH a bloody shake.

Cellardoor1 · 10/12/2015 14:21

There are no vibrations just a very faint whirring sound that I had to strain to hear in neighbour's bedroom. Neighbour would prefer silence. I feel if I give way on this it will spiral, next she will be complaining about sound of my footsteps or the loo flushing!

It's not just 'a faint whirring sound' if it can be heard in your neighbors bedroom, which you admit you can. Obviously at night things seem louder too so she is absolutely not being unreasonable to complain.

I don't know why you are ignoring all the people saying that YABU, you must have very thick skin! Prepare for further complaints and a breakdown in the relationship with your neighbour if you continue your selfish behaviour.

Your husband is probably against FF because that would mean he might actually have to help with feeding.

Enjolrass · 10/12/2015 14:30

There is no need to call a new mum a selfish twat.

how old does the baby have to be to make it acceptable?

KakiFruit · 10/12/2015 14:34

Katastrophe13 but she clearly doesn't recognise it. "I accept I'm being unreasonable but I'm going to carry on anyway"...

blueturtle6 · 10/12/2015 14:37

I have an 11 week old and never been told to express every 4 hours, I do express in morning but pump sounds much quieter than yours

Pyjamaramadrama · 10/12/2015 14:38

I don't know but if a friend or colleague asked you this question there's no way you'd say "well you and your husband are selfish twats". There's something about hiding behind anonymity that makes some people particularly vicious.

Those early weeks and months with a new baby can make the best of people a bit crazy and wrapped up in their new baby bubble.

There's no date and time when it's ok to call someone a selfish twat.

Pyjamaramadrama · 10/12/2015 14:40

She's having to express that regularly because she exclusively expressing not putting the baby on at all.

ProudAS · 10/12/2015 15:02

OP it sounds like you have sorted the pump eventually.

And no I don't think the neighbour is BU to ask you to take crying baby into another room. She might be more tolerant of him had she not been sleep deprived in the first place due to the pump.

user838383 · 10/12/2015 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blacktealeaves · 10/12/2015 15:20

I agree op's position is u, but I think everyone should be a bit gentler with her.

Her dh is putting her in a horrible position. I think she is being u because of the sleep deprivation and his shitty behaviour.

Not an excuse but she is clearly not in a good place at the moment.

I know that's not neighbour's problem but maybe she would be more likely to see sense if not called a twat on the internet...

UmbongoUnchained · 10/12/2015 15:28

The only person being unreasonable is your useless prick of a husband.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/12/2015 15:31

"There's no date and time when it's ok to call someone a selfish twat."

Not even the selfish dh?