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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Downstairs neighbour complaining about my breastpump, AIBU not to change rooms at night?

733 replies

Cealee · 08/12/2015 17:11

Just bought a new powerful pump as I'm exclusively expressing. We live in a flat that's split over 2 levels so our bedroom is on 1st floor, our lounge upstairs on 2nd floor. Our neighbour (on ground floor) caught me in hall to ask what the 'mechanical noise' is that wakes her up Blush I explained its my breastpump and that I need to express at 11pm, 3am and 7am to maintain supply. She said it makes ceiling vibrate and is very loud (even though it's not on the floor it's on a cushion on my bedside table!) She asked me to do it upstairs. I explained this isn't practical as my DH wears earplugs so I need to be able to hear baby if he wakes. She suggested I take baby upstairs with me!! Why should I have to move my sleeping baby upstairs (and risk waking him) every time I express milk? He's just started sleeping through and got used to his cot. And there's no way I'm going to move cot upstairs and sleep on sofa for the next 8months Angry

AIBU to think it's rude to tell someone not to express milk in their own bedroom? It's not like I'm playing loud music! I don't see why neighbour can't just get some earplugs!

OP posts:
lunar1 · 08/12/2015 20:12

Why is your husbands sleep important but your neighbours not.

I think if I were your neighbour is start making lots of noise all the bloody time till you got the message.

tattychicken · 08/12/2015 20:12

Carry on pumping. You're doing great, and doing a wonderful thing for your baby. It is not unreasonable noise. Your neighbour is not your priority.

Sharoncatastrophe · 08/12/2015 20:13

I don't think the OPs attitude is bad at all tbh. Neighbours who can't handle normal levels of noise are normally in the wrong, in my experience

CocoDeJour · 08/12/2015 20:16

Yanbu. She can get ear plugs.

CrazySexyCool123 · 08/12/2015 20:17

Another exclusive expresser here. I ee'd for my first for 9 months and mix fed for 3. Im 13 weeks into pumping for number two. I have just dropped to 6 ppd (70oz pd) and that motn pump is essential to keeping a good supply. DD sleeps through but i wont be dropping the motn pump until at least 6m. I also use the spectra s2 and I'm really surprised it could keep anyone up as its so quiet! I had a Philips pump for my first and you really could hear it all through the house.

Keep pumping!

Stillunexpected · 08/12/2015 20:18

Neighbours who can't handle normal levels of noise are normally in the wrong, in my experience There is nothing normal about being woken up 2-3 times a night by vibrations.

DisappointedOne · 08/12/2015 20:21

For every breastfeeding problem, there's a breastfeeding solution.

Utter bullshit. Sometimes expressing is the only viable solution.

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 20:21

There's nothing normal about a breast pump at 3am though, it's hardly a washing machine at midday.

Sharoncatastrophe · 08/12/2015 20:21

If that happens Confused

Still, it's not normal to watch TV at 4am but I'd still do it if I had insomnia. There is being considerate, and there is creeping around your house like a church mouse, curtailing your own needs. If I were the OP I'd be telling the neighbour she needs to give me a break.

DisappointedOne · 08/12/2015 20:22

There's nothing normal about a breast pump at 3am though, it's hardly a washing machine at midday.

There is if you need to express milk between 11pm and 7am.

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 20:24

But it's not a regular occurrence you'd expect to hear is it? I'd be going up the wall if I lived next to the OP.

Bf didn't work for me either so I do know how hard it can be, there's no need to be an arse to everyone else though!

AnyoneButSanta · 08/12/2015 20:24

Surely if you are adhering strictly to the "baby must be in the same room as me at all times" (perfectly valid approach) then presumably you pick him up and move him around while he sleeps a lot, so carrying him upstairs would be no big deal. It's not like you're doing a full Gina Ford silent darkness while they sleep in their own room routine.

Nothing wrong whatsoever with exclusively expressing if that's what you have to do, and if 3am sessions are required then they're required, but the OP has to find a way that doesn't wake the neighbour up at 3am every sodding morning - and if the new vibration-proof set-up doesn't work then either you need to move upstairs, with or without DS, or try another handpump, I agree the Avent is good, cheap convenient and well worth a try.

And yes do try the various good suggestions above to access more help to see if there's any way you could manage to switch back to direct BF. Then all 4 of you would be able to get the sleep you need.

Original poster
Cealee · 08/12/2015 20:24

Thanks for all replies

To clarify, DH will sleep through anything with earplugs in, if he doesn't wear them he's kept awake all night by baby grunting (baby grunts loudly in sleep!) I don't expect him to help at night as he has a long commute and stressful job. I'm on Mat-leave so can nap in the day.

I'd love to BF but baby doesn't latch on (more he doesn't want to rather than a mechanical issue, no tongue-tie). I initially expressed due to poor latch and jaundice, did combination of expressing/BF for first weeks. Soon he was rejecting breast and when had breast would be hungry within an hour. Now I offer him breast several times a day but usually he pulls back and screams until I give him a bottle. Occasionally he latches on and feeds from breast which is lovely. But I have no idea how to make him latch against his will! We do skin-skin, tried nipple-shields etc. I'm still hopeful he might start BF again but seems unlikely now so expressing is next best thing.

I disagree that vacuuming in the night or playing loud music is same as using a breast-pump.
If I don't express every 4hours my supply drops. I'm already on metaclopramide for low milk supply.
Also I find looking at my baby while I express helps stimulate letdown so it's an advantage to have baby nearby.

What if your neighbour used a nebuliser (or other noisy medical device) at night, would you expect him/her to move rooms so it didn't disturb you? I don't think using medical kit for an essential reason is same as thoughtlessly vacuuming!

But I take on board your points about reducing noise/vibrations for neighbour's sake, I'll do my best to find a solution! Those mats look like they might do the trick.

OP posts:
sweetsomethings · 08/12/2015 20:25

Maybe the neighbour can't just get ear plugs coco. What if she has her own children. Op is the most selfish unreasonable precious poster ive read on here.

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 20:25

Sharon you can turn the TV down to a reasonable level. If a neighbour asked me to not watch TV at 4am cause it was waking them up, fair enough imo. Either do it quietly or dot do it.

The breast pump is loud clearly

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 20:27

OP a nebuliser might stop someone dying. No one will die because you left your baby for 15 minutes. It isn't the same at all! It's not medical

sweetsomethings · 08/12/2015 20:28

There is a difference between medical equipment that keeps someone alive and a breast pump OP you can not be serious.

RattusRattus · 08/12/2015 20:28

One day OP you will look back on this post and have a good chat with yourself. YABVVU. But I'll put it down to being sleep deprived. I can't believe a health visitor is seriously expecting you to pump every four hours at night time.

Skiptonlass1 · 08/12/2015 20:29

I have a spectra and it's really not noisy at all. I've just put it in the kitchen and turned it on and gone into the living room (no door between them it's kind of semi open plan) and I can't hear it. Is yours really that loud? I'd contact customer service and get them to listen down the phone

Op, the best outcome here is that your neighbour can sleep, you can sleep and your supply is maintained. So let's look st how you can achieve that?

  1. Is the pump defective? I have a spectra and it is very quiet, much much quieter than a models swing for example (that sounds like a duck farting loudly, the spectra purrs.)
  1. Change your alarm. If this is waking the neighbours it not ok. Put your phone to vibrate alarm and put it by your pillow (not under as they can overheat) it's probably the alarm that's waking your neighbour and that's an easy fix
  1. Put the pump on your bed and muffle the noise with duvet/cushions as much as you safely can OR consider using a manual pump just for the 3am feed.

My sympathies for the latching issues but you can sort this so everyone wins I think.

sweetsomethings · 08/12/2015 20:29

Plus I doubt they set alarms at all hours of the night with their medical equipment . I've heard it all now.

CrazySexyCool123 · 08/12/2015 20:30

Are you sure it's not something else you neighbour can hear? I pump downstairs where I can clearly hear dp snoring, but he's never heard the spectra from upstairs.

Libitina · 08/12/2015 20:31

OP, would it work expressing at maybe midnight and 6am instead and miss out the other one? If you were breastfeeding, you would not be doing all those night feeds if your baby is more or less sleeping through. More sleep all round that way.

LadySilvia · 08/12/2015 20:32

Have you given fenugreek a try Cealee? It really helped my supply could have been the shed load of flapjacks I ate too.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 08/12/2015 20:33

Op you are ridiculous. Seriously.

A nebuliser is a necessity! A mechanical breast pump that makes life easier for you but disturbs your neighbour, to the point of waking her at 3am, is a luxury! Get a quiet one and stop being so sodding self centred. I am honestly gobsmacked and appalled by your attitude. Having a baby doesn't make you special, common decency is still expected. Waking people in the middle of the night is not decent.

DisappointedOne · 08/12/2015 20:34

OP, would it work expressing at maybe midnight and 6am instead and miss out the other one? If you were breastfeeding, you would not be doing all those night feeds if your baby is more or less sleeping through. More sleep all round that way.

PLEASE stop comparing expressing to normal breastfeeding. They don't work in the same way!