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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Downstairs neighbour complaining about my breastpump, AIBU not to change rooms at night?

733 replies

Cealee · 08/12/2015 17:11

Just bought a new powerful pump as I'm exclusively expressing. We live in a flat that's split over 2 levels so our bedroom is on 1st floor, our lounge upstairs on 2nd floor. Our neighbour (on ground floor) caught me in hall to ask what the 'mechanical noise' is that wakes her up Blush I explained its my breastpump and that I need to express at 11pm, 3am and 7am to maintain supply. She said it makes ceiling vibrate and is very loud (even though it's not on the floor it's on a cushion on my bedside table!) She asked me to do it upstairs. I explained this isn't practical as my DH wears earplugs so I need to be able to hear baby if he wakes. She suggested I take baby upstairs with me!! Why should I have to move my sleeping baby upstairs (and risk waking him) every time I express milk? He's just started sleeping through and got used to his cot. And there's no way I'm going to move cot upstairs and sleep on sofa for the next 8months Angry

AIBU to think it's rude to tell someone not to express milk in their own bedroom? It's not like I'm playing loud music! I don't see why neighbour can't just get some earplugs!

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 08/12/2015 20:35

I second fenugreek. Used to swallow them by the handful. There was also a good herbal tea - I'll try and remember what it was called.

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 20:36

Disappointed you're not expected to do 4 hours constantly though. I tried expressing and was told after a few weeks I could drop off one night expressing.

I gave up before then so I don't have experience but it seems ridiculous to expect someone to get up every 4 hours

Kanga59 · 08/12/2015 20:39

Wow I'm totally shocked at the responses here. Of course you're very very not being unreasonable. Pumping round the clock is difficult and exhausting. Why should you have to move everything upstairs to do it. You need to do it where it's most convenient for you. And it's your house. Let your neighbour move or sort a work around off her own back. I think the neighbour is being totally unreasonable and I actually think, how dare they bring this up and suggest you change your life

DisappointedOne · 08/12/2015 20:40

Tali. I did it. Night after night, day after day, week after week, month after month. I experienced first hand what happened if I didn't pump 4hourly at night. So excuse me, but I think my experience of actually doing it trumps any theory you have.

DisappointedOne · 08/12/2015 20:41

it seems ridiculous to expect someone to get up every 4 hours

It's not "expected". It's biologically defined. Hmm

PaulAnkaTheDog · 08/12/2015 20:42

Kanga I honestly took your post as a pisstake, but worried now that I actually think you're being serious. I just can't believe there are people so self-centred and arrogant.

blytheandsebastian · 08/12/2015 20:42

As someone who has suffered from insomnia, I know how devastating it can be to have nightly disturbances. It could become a medical problem for your neighbour very quickly - many people can't get back to sleep again after being woken once, or develop migraine/sleep disturbance problems, or depression if they end up a significant amount of sleep on a regular basis - or they simply may be too incapacitated to do their job effectively, which could impact many other innocent, vulnerable lives, depending on what she does. It is not as simple as 'I have to feed my baby and everyone should work around me'.

I do understand what it's like to be obsessed with your first-born and everything relating to them, but there's no reason why anyone else should be. You can understand that your DP needs to wear earplugs (which is why he sleeps through everything, BTW!) because he has to get up to do his job. It's exactly the same for your neighbours; they have to sleep. She isn't even asking you to move the baby (though I would move a baby in a heartbeat to improve a neighbour's chance of a good night's sleep), she's simply asking you to move yourself. When the books tell you to sleep in the same room as your baby, they don't mean every second of the night. You don't stay beside your baby for every second of their day time naps, do you? And it's not as if your baby will even be alone for that time. And obviously you can take a monitor if you need to hear them....it sounds like you just don't want to get out of bed really.

Medical kit is oxygen tanks, hoists, incubators, that kind of thing. And even then it would be nice to work around others in every way you could - I say that as someone who knows disability from the inside. I can't begin to understand how you could, as someone who is personally experiencing how horrible sleep deprivation is, know there is someone getting tireder and tireder in the next room, without the massive accompanying joy of a new baby in their lives, and not give a toss, even though it's within your power to fix it. I don't get how anyone can be that selfish.

Try removing DH's earplugs and see what it's like to share the insomnia around a bit - perhaps it will help you to understand why this is an issue for her. After all, it's not fair that he's getting a good night's sleep while his baby disturbs someone else's sleep.

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 20:42

Disappointed just saying what I was told. Several posters who expressed have also said the same thing.

More fool you for carrying that on for months imo

lushaliciousbob · 08/12/2015 20:44

OP I'm glad to see you are going to take steps to reduce the noise even if you can't see how utterly unreasonable you are being!!!! seriously... your dh wears ear plugs so that he gets a good night's sleep... why should your dh (who chose to have a baby) get a good night's sleep but your neighbour (who didn't choose to have your baby) be woken up by you pumping? Your baby will be FINE while you pop upstairs to pump! What do you actually think monitors are for? do you not leave the baby to wee? You are going to make life so difficult if you keep going like this. Please be more considerate to your neighbour. I get up at 6:30 for work every morning and if I was being woken up at 11 and 3 every night I wouldn't be happy. I live in a flat by the way and the people below me have a young baby, I know that my washing machine is very loud so I always put it on during the day instead of the evening ... despite me working full time! I do this because I'm a considerate neighbour!

DisappointedOne · 08/12/2015 20:45

Tali I did it for DD. I couldn't give a flying fuck what you or anyone else thinks about it.

But perhaps you might not be best placed to advise the OP as your views and -in-experience are so different to hers on this subject.

sweetsomethings · 08/12/2015 20:45

Kanga why should the neighbour move their life around and sleep in a different room. You are not being serious, you can't be.

lunar1 · 08/12/2015 20:48

I took a patient for a home visit recently, he's on a ventilator and will be for life. The first thing he said when we got in the house was we better switch my bedroom, don't want to wake the neighbours with all this crap, you never know when ill need to be in their good graces.

Get some perspective and let your neighbour sleep.

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 20:48

Disappointed regardless on my views on pumping, my views on sleep deprivation are as valid as anyone's.

You sound incredibly touchy about it to be honest

shinynewusername · 08/12/2015 20:49

Overly rigid schedules for BF/expressing tend to make the milk supply worse, - as does sleep deprivation. A very early morning feed is a good idea, as this is when prolactin levels are highest, but it can be 6am, not 3am.

If the OP tries gradually making the 3 am express 10 minutes later each day, while maintaining the same total frequency of pumping, including last thing at night, she will probably find that her supply improves.

EddieStobbart · 08/12/2015 20:50

Well, I'd been thinking of moving back into a flat. This thread has reminded me why I'm better off sticking with a house. Thank you!

Italiangreyhound · 08/12/2015 20:50

YABVU. Why should I have to move my sleeping baby upstairs (and risk waking him) every time I express milk? Why should your neighbour have to wear ear plugs (which once gave me an ear infection, and may not drown out the noise) or be kept up because you need to express.

Either buy a quieter pump or go where you will cause the least noise, with your baby.

Falling out with neighbours is not good.

LadySilvia · 08/12/2015 20:50

Tali it is some people's choice to 'keep it up': me included. I am certainly no fool. You, however, are fucking rude to disparage Disappointed's feeding choices for her own child. Wind your neck in.

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 20:51

Lady she was complaining about it and seeming to martyr herself about how hard it was and how unfair were being to OP... Hmm

schrodcat · 08/12/2015 20:52

So... breast pumps are not all that noisy. There is a suggestion that OP's breast pump is faulty if it is so noisy it can be heard through a floor/ceiling divide. Isn't there a possibility that the neighbour is an especially light sleeper, if not a full-blown insomniac? This would obviously make sleep/life very unpleasant for the neighbour and sympathy should be extended to her. She has, quite reasonably, asked OP to take steps to tone the breast pump down. OP sounded initially quite reluctant and possibly on a breastfeeding high-horse, but from the tone of some of these replies you'd think she'd told the neighbour to go f* herself then set the breast pump to max and gone out for the night. I am slightly cynical as to how many people on here would really prioritize their neighbours' sleep over their DHs...

Greyhorses · 08/12/2015 20:54

I really can't believe the Op is serious.

A breast pump is not medical kit.
Your baby will be fine without you for 15 mins while you go upstairs.
Problem solved.

YABVU and I feel very sorry for your neighbour.

LadySilvia · 08/12/2015 20:55

No need to call her a fool though was there Tali? It is hard, yes, so we're sympathising with OP. It's also a huge priority to some of us and is therefore worth it.

lightgreenglass · 08/12/2015 20:57

What breast pump do you have? I have the medala symphony for EE and you would not be able to hear that through walls. I had a medala basic electric one before which my sister commented sounded like a vibrator Blush

I see that you have an issue with supply and need to express through the night, I think to solve your issue you need to get a quieter pump so it's a win win situation.

TaliZorah · 08/12/2015 20:57

Lady then don't moan about it. If you choose to do it fine, but don't choose to and then moan. Or people will tell you you're being silly

chocomochi · 08/12/2015 21:01

YABVU and I wouldn't be surprised if you got a few sharp knocks from a broom on the ceiling back if it carries on. It must be loud enough to disturb your neighbour and think you are being especially U by putting your husbands sleep before your neighbour's.

DrMum83 · 08/12/2015 21:04

I feel for you OP.
You've come back to this thread after 13 pages of people telling you repeatedly how selfish you are and have taken onboard suggestions made.
You're knackered and stressed.

Let's cut her a bit of slack? I'm sure the 'medical equipment' phrase was just OP using a sub optimal description and her well rested self would choose different terminology (right OP? Wink )