Downstairs neighbour complaining about my breastpump, AIBU not to change rooms at night?

[Cealee]

Just bought a new powerful pump as I'm exclusively expressing. We live in a flat that's split over 2 levels so our bedroom is on 1st floor, our lounge upstairs on 2nd floor. Our neighbour (on ground floor) caught me in hall to ask what the 'mechanical noise' is that wakes her up I explained its my breastpump and that I need to express at 11pm, 3am and 7am to maintain supply. She said it makes ceiling vibrate and is very loud (even though it's not on the floor it's on a cushion on my bedside table!) She asked me to do it upstairs. I explained this isn't practical as my DH wears earplugs so I need to be able to hear baby if he wakes. She suggested I take baby upstairs with me!! Why should I have to move my sleeping baby upstairs (and risk waking him) every time I express milk? He's just started sleeping through and got used to his cot. And there's no way I'm going to move cot upstairs and sleep on sofa for the next 8months

AIBU to think it's rude to tell someone not to express milk in their own bedroom? It's not like I'm playing loud music! I don't see why neighbour can't just get some earplugs!

Sharon, I just saw that. Yes, that does change things, it wasn't in the original post so I scrolled through to find it.

My son had a lot of trouble latching on too. I spent an extra day in the hospital because of that, then we went home and we still had trouble for weeks. I didn't think it was ever going to happen, I was so frustrated! I saw a lactation nurse and she helped a little but eventually, it happened and we were off and running and fed until 15 months. OP, don't give up, keep trying to latch, it took my son and I forever too but keep giving it a chance when you can. Good luck!

A number of people suggested she doesn't need to pump overnight. The baby is 11 weeks, it may well be that she does.
I don't really understand the postnatal comparison - those women only had babies a few days ago, they should absolutely be pumping every few hours if they can't BF and want their babies to be fed BM.

I had a spectra s2. It's a low price occasional use pump. If u continue using it so much it will break. I wore out two.

You need a medela symphony or freestyle. They are much quitter.

OP is not being selfish or entitled

With regards to the neighbour yes she is.

If the neighbour was being so load that it was keeping her baby awake would she simply say tough... no thought not.

Why is her DH sleep more important than any one elses!

There are some horrible responses on here.
I sympathise, having to express is fairly soul destroying. I couldn't breastfeed - tongue tied baby, C-section and had to take domperidone to stimulate milk. Couldn't use a hand pump either, nothing came out I needed one of the industrial ones which was so heavy I couldn't have heaved it up and down stairs every night. It was essential.
I'm amazed that a breast pump wakes your neighbour, especially if it doesn't wake your baby in the same room.
Just try moving it so it's on padding to absorb some of the noise and vibration.

YABVU.
Why do you need to express so often? When I returned to work I only needed to express once a day at work to keep my supply going.

To those suggesting the OP 'just feeds normally' from the breast.....at 11 weeks it's very very unlikely that any baby would breast feed at that age if it hadn't been before. And most of us who have exclusively expressed only did it because the baby wouldn't feed in the usual way, and often have feelings of guilt/inadequacy etc (totally undeserved but that's motherhood for you....). So please don't keep suggesting the OP just breast feeds because it could be pretty upsetting.

To all those saying "I can't believe the neighbour hears it or it wakes her". Clearly she can and it does or she wouldn't know, would she?

Apologies, OP, for my first reply! I'm sorry, I didn't know about the latching problem. That is awful to go through! My son also had trouble latching and finally did after around 9-10 weeks. Best wishes to you, you're being a great mom making sure your baby son is getting his milk. Hang in there!

There seems to be a consensus here that although OP is taking steps to mitigate the U behaviour (dampening the vibrations, think she said she would move rooms after all) she has not yet corrected her U attitude... What would be the appropriate level of shame for her to exhibit, I wonder? Bit weird.

X-post LittleBeauty. Sorry about that

that's ok, SouthYarra!! My first post was terrible, I agree!

OP, meant to add my milk didn't come in for a long time either, plus the latching, I feel for you and on top of that you have sleep deprivation, which I felt was one of the worst parts because it really is like torture. Things will get better, best to you.

Why do you need to express so often? When I returned to work I only needed to express once a day at work to keep my supply going.

How old was your baby when you returned to work? Did you feed them when you were with them? There's your issue.

I've been there, setting alarms every 4 hours overnight to express whether DD woke up or not. If I missed just one pump it took 2-3 days for my supply to recover, even at 6 months. That's just how it was. (It's fucking hard work doing it in the early days and then in the long term. The one advantage I had was that I switched the milk and gave DD nighttime (awake) milk in the day and daytime (sleepy) milk in the night.) Even if DD had latched, having to strip my top half everytime she needed a feed would have rendered me housebound (my tits were bigger than any availabel feeding bras and I needed wires throughout pregnancy/feeding.))

LOL at the order of those posts south and little

What would be the appropriate level of shame for her to exhibit, I wonder? Bit weird.

No but people are shocked by her attitude.

Maybe if she realised (or even answers questions) about why her dh can 'sleep through everything' and yet wears ear plugs because the baby's grunts keep him awake and why his sleep is more important that the neighbours.

Or maybe its the 'it's essential medical equipment' attitude.

Or maybe its the insinuation that the neighbour is trying to prevent her breast feeding which is not the case.

My guess is the OP will look back at this in a few months and cringe at her behaviour and will realise that the entire world doesn't revolve around her baby.

Agree with boffin that the avent manual breastpump is pretty efficient and well worth a try as a solution. I only ever used the electric one downstairs at night when I was having bf trouble. Btw at various stages over the next year your dc might be crying at night so maybe don't irritate your neighbour unnecessarily with a noisy pump that is within your ability to control.

take your DHs earplugs out, might make him wake up. If not, I would be shaking him until he did wake up

Does you baby grunt like a wounded wildebeest? Just curious how your husband 'doesn't wake up at night' but needs earplugs because of a grunting baby.

God, OP, you were very brave to come back and post here after being flamed by apparently the whole of mumsnet. I don't think you're being that unreasonable, really - it's a flat, you have a newborn, everyone's doing their best to get through it.

I particularly loved the people who tried to give you advice about feeding your baby - 'Have you had the latch checked' - hilarious. MASSIVE eyeroll.

Please stop telling the OP that pumping at night is unnecessary. Every set of boobs is different and continued night pumpings maintain supply for some women. LLL (page from ebook attached) and bf counsellors also recommend rental grade pumps for exclusive pumping for at least the first three months ime (DS2 had a thick posterior tongue tie snipped at 3 weeks and couldn't latch again until 13 weeks; I pumped in the meantime).

OP, you are doing so well to keep up the routine and I know how hard it is. It's not fair to keep your neighbour awake though, and I'd personally go for the monitor/DH supervising DS options instead. Babies need to hear a regular breathing pattern to maintain their own: it doesn't have to be yours. All the best with your feeding choices for your son (and shushing your milk machine! 😉)

OP did I understand this correctly? That you set your alarm and wake yourself 3 times a night to pump while your baby is sleeping ????

Your priorities have got confuddled in the fog of new motherhood. Sleep my dear, SLEEEEP.

(Express day times, early morning and late at night, but for the love of everything don't wake yourself up at 3am).

PS Even Important Working Men with Important Shiny Jobs can manage to wake once or twice a night to bring their crying baby to their pumping partner. It's good for them to bond with their baby and wife .

OP, why can't your baby latch? For every breastfeeding problem, there's a breastfeeding solution. Have you contacted a member of LLL or got advice from a lactation consultant? Exclusively pumping is such hard work so I really hope you've sought professional advice from a qualified person first rather than a random HV (who tend to not know much about breastfeeding).

Purple green did you return to work at 11 weeks?!

Even so I returned when my baby was 6 months and had to express twice a day as my boobs were completely full of milk.

You have to be really careful op. I have so many friends who got mastitis from skipping expressing