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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why some parents don't go to parents evening?

207 replies

Lampsinthemist · 03/12/2015 20:42

I don't pretend to be the best parent but surely you'd go, wouldn't you?

I was one of the few there - why would you miss this?

OP posts:
Darvany · 03/12/2015 20:45

We skived off DC1's year eleven one recently. With months to go before GCSEs and careers evenings / sixth form visits on top we decided to give it a miss. We felt like proper rebels. I was half expecting a letter home...

ginmakesitallok · 03/12/2015 20:46

Because all we ever got told at every parents evening was what a joy dd was to teach, and how nice she is. Nothing about how she was actually doing. Waste of time.

Went to first secondary parents night last night, got told the same and that she's near top of class (not such a stealth boast).

redexpat · 03/12/2015 20:47

Some parents just dont give a shit.

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/12/2015 20:47

Working. Other siblings to take care of and no childcare. Assume that if there were any problems with their DC's schooling they'd have been called in to discuss it, so the parents' evening isn't going to highlight anything meaningful. Or just not that interested in academic attainment. Choose your own adventure.

I had a school friend whose parents thought parents' evenings were a waste of time. They were both teachers! Looking back at my parents' evenings I can kind of see their point. Five minutes with the teacher in most cases.

attheendoftheday · 03/12/2015 20:48

I've been to dd1's, but nearly didn't due to the school providing a mighty 2 days notice of it happening. If the school isn't giving a lot of notice missing it may be unavoidable.

megletthesecond · 03/12/2015 20:48

Some might not be able to make it due to working late. Or a lp who can't get a babysitter. I have one relative I have to book weeks in advance for parents evenings, we do not speak about the time I took the dc's and then 4yr old dd climbed over one of the teachers tables

hedgehogsdontbite · 03/12/2015 20:48

I missed parents evening because it served no purpose for us. A 10 minute chat in a room full of other people was not appropriate/necessary as DD had/has SEN.

jeanmiguelfangio · 03/12/2015 20:48

I go, but my dh isnt always there. He works shifts and invariably he is working. Seems silly to take time off to be there. What happens if you are a single parent family with other children and no sitter? Or working full time and not back in time, or any number of reasons

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 03/12/2015 20:49

Speaking for myself, I often missed them when I was an employee as I couldnt get there when they were on. I didnt want to take an afternoon off (the only option at the time, couldnt take an hour on its own) for the sake of ten minutes. They are held between 3:30 and 5:30, so no chance.

Instead I would arrange a quick word before school started as I always dropped them off before work, and got their levels etc.

Senior school ones are later, but when I was a SP I would have to drag all the kids there or get a sitter, so I used to have to miss them and rely on yearly reports.

SummerHouse · 03/12/2015 20:49

I recently didn't make an appointment with the teach. Everything was perfect and I had no issues and it was the third meeting that year. I then got head hunted. "I assume you do want an appointment?"....... Erm...... "Yes". I feel like a slacker saying this. Don't tell anyone.Smile

ohnoppp · 03/12/2015 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Lampsinthemist · 03/12/2015 20:49

I understand work can be an issue with varying shifts but childcare issues wouldn't matter: plenty of people bring younger children.

Gin - that's not a waste of time, surely?

OP posts:
annandale · 03/12/2015 20:50

I go to prove to the teacher that I'm watching them interested, not because I get anything huge from them. They were more useful in primary school when ds wasn't bringing his work home every night so that I could pore over his books when he's in bed ask him to show them to me.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 03/12/2015 20:50

Believe it or not, not all parents who dont go "dont give a shit" Hmm

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 03/12/2015 20:52

childcare issues wouldn't matter: plenty of people bring younger children.

Yes they do and its a pain in the arse for all concerned. The one time I did take the others (not always younger) they were bored and I spent more time keeping them quiet than i did listening tothe teacher, who didnt really have much to say anyway.

BondJayneBond · 03/12/2015 20:52

Maybe some of them couldn't get off work?

When it was parents evening at DS1's school, some of the parents were complaining in the playground about having to book the day off work to get to the parents evening. All the appointments were between 3:30 - 6pm. And afterwards some of them were complaining about how it had been a waste of time as everything was fine with their DC.

WildStallions · 03/12/2015 20:53

Because the teachers refuse to discuss anything important at parents eve. Instead they want to stick to a script which tells me nothing.

They feel very much like a box ticking exercise rather than anything else.

catfordbetty · 03/12/2015 20:54

5 minute slots. Not nearly enough time to give the teacher a proper haranguing.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 03/12/2015 20:54

And also, I prefer to not take the child concerned with me. I find that the teacher and I can both speak more freely without the child listening, so if there have been behaviour or concentration problems, we can talk frankly about it and about possible solutions far better.

DragonsCanHop · 03/12/2015 20:56

I find them a waste of time tbh. It doesn't tell me anything I don't already know. DD is doing well, no issues, no new goals, nothing extra needed at home.

Best bit is getting to root through the lost property at leisure and finding a cardi with her name on (lost 3 since Sept so far)

Felt the same about her sister who is now doing well in year 11.

AnyFucker · 03/12/2015 20:57

I have to say, that after 16 years of parents evenings, my attendance at every single one probably has made fuck all difference to any outcomes

Passmethecrisps · 03/12/2015 20:57

Having been at a parent's evening the other night as a teacher and watching a mum wrestle young children round when they should have been in bed was tough. Yes you can take them but really, no one's focus is on the child in question when a toddler is trotting around or wailing on the floor or picking chewing gum off the tables and eating it

Some parents choose not to come as they get such a lot of additional information due to ASN or social and emotional that it seem unnecessary. Or the nature of the child's needs doesn't suit a 5 minute chat.

Schools make some parents nervous. Many parents has dreadful school experiences and being face to face with a teacher talking about your child can be emotional and hard to manage.

The child could be an ace all rounder and it seems unfair to take up appointments to hear that they are an ace all rounder.

There are lots and lots of reasons. Not giving a shit could be one of a very large number of options.

Artandco · 03/12/2015 20:58

Time. Most are 3-6pm, most people work then surely?

Tamponlady · 03/12/2015 20:59

As a foster carer I can tell you their is a link between children doing badly and parental invloment in their child's education

I have been to my sons parents evening and some parents even delegate and send their 6th former children to go in place my sons in year 11 so not sure what good that would do

But in all honesty the children who are often in trouble are often the ones you never see at parents even it's as it ever was same when I was at school and it's the same now

Mistigri · 03/12/2015 20:59

I only go if I have something to say, which is not often, as I have academically able children and their teachers are (mostly) competent.

DS's is next week and I'll be away for work so won't go. I went to DD's because she has just changed school, but it was a waste of time tbh.