Page 4 | To wonder why some parents don't go to parents evening?

Lampsinthemist · 2015-12-03T20:42:46+00:00

I don't pretend to be the best parent but surely you'd go, wouldn't you? I was one of the few there - why would you miss this?

pinkhousesarebest · 03/12/2015 21:35

I am a teacher and I no longer go. Cannot be doing with waiting three hours to see four teachers who will not tell me anything that their (pretty regular) report cards won't.

Higge · 03/12/2015 21:36

I might judge you for not talking to your childs teacher every day as I do No you don't want 30 parents wanting to speak to the teacher everyday - no one wants that - you'd judge parents who need to speak to the teacher everyday about fuck all - getting in the way of parents of child with real issues!

At our school the turn out is huge - it's almost a social event....and I think to not go would make your dcs feel uncared for.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 03/12/2015 21:36

AF we are going through the torturous process of UCAS applications/interviews too.

I pointed out to DD that if she applied to Portsmouth (we live in the North Midlands) she would a) be going to the interview alone and b) moving down there alone as there was no way I was going to do an 8 hour drive for the sake of an hour each time!

She changed her first choice to Sheffield :o

SquinkiesRule · 03/12/2015 21:36

I went to one when my oldest was in high school, it was on till 7.30 so we got there are 6.30 all but one of the teachers who taught my son had already gone home, they couldn't stay as they had children to pick up too, childminders closed at 6 that's why I was there at 6.30 I was a child minder So never went to another one.
The school moved to putting everything online, we could log in and see only our child's progress, grades, assignments due or missing, everything. Worked really well.
I never went to another, I followed everything online. I was/am very interested in my children's education.
Our junior school doesn't have parents evening, it's all appointments only and over three days. We always go to those.
Youngest will go to a different high school that the older boys, so I will try again with the parents evening unless the school uses a different method of contact.

Chattymummyhere · 03/12/2015 21:37

I always go but it seems pointless. A 10 minute slot where the teacher reads off a sheet about grades which I then get to take home anyway.

WhatTheHellDoIDoNoww · 03/12/2015 21:42

I decided after the last one last month that I won't bother any more with the DTSs secondary school ones. They are in Yr9. THEY have to remember to book the slots with the many teachers they have which were 6 each this year (about 11 in Yrs 7 & 8). They invariably booked consecutive 5 minute slots where one teacher was in the hall, the next one in the science block and the next one was in the technology block, sometime booking them at the same time as each other so it was impossible to get to see them all and I would be running round like a blue arsed fly! Sometimes they did not get slots with some teachers at all.

It is absolutely chaos in secondary schools with people going over their time so you are behind for your next slot or people getting ready to jump in as soon as the teacher finishes with the people in front of them when it is your time slot. Have seen many arguments about who should be going next. Dreadful. This year I got to see 4 teachers before giving up.

AnyFucker · 03/12/2015 21:42

gladys, I don't even want to think of Uni stuff

at least 6th form college is local (although he has applied to 4 of them...)

expatinscotland · 03/12/2015 21:43

I didn't go to the last one because DD2 didn't bring the letter home.

Johnny5isAlive · 03/12/2015 21:47

jessicasRabbit Thank you! Gives a really good balance to the thread. Having one of each (nice,pleasant,easy going,hard working vs nice but disruptive, distracted, more boisterous) child I am pleased to see teachers want to talk about both cases

Enkopkaffetak · 03/12/2015 21:52

Sometimes I was working so unable to go.
Once I couldn't get a time as they had not booked enough slots.

However I tried to make it each time.

Libitina · 03/12/2015 21:53

Because sometimes I am stuck at work with no one to relieve me.

ClancyMoped · 03/12/2015 21:54

OP, I wonder how old your DC are?

I'm old and jaded and when I look back at all the parent teacher evenings I've attended I can't remember why I kept going back for more. It certainly wasn't for the hours wasted while waiting for late running appointments.

It was nice to show the kids I cared and it was nice to put a name to a face but I Rarely, if ever learnt anything from them.

I've had quite a few teachers not even know who my DC were.

The funniest was when DD2 and I sat through a meeting with her RS teacher when she was about 15 - the teacher raved and raved about DD2 and went on about how she should easily get an A*. I guessed that she had mistaken DD for someone else but played along. We were really laughing about it afterwards until we remembered that some other poor child must have had a really dissapointing interview

Hellochicken · 03/12/2015 22:00

I've only primary school age children, I've missed some meetings because of work. We only get 1 or 2 weeks notice and it's only on one day, usually about 2-4pm. I need at least 6 weeks notice for my work to be covered by someone else. However as it is in the middle of the day (I could make it after 7pm) I can sometimes manage to get there.
I think I know how they are getting on in school already.

WitchSharkadder · 03/12/2015 22:06

Surely it's obvious that of the parents who don't attend the most likely reason is work or childcare?

I didn't/don't go to primary parents evenings at the allotted times/days because DH works late and I have no childcare. As for taking them, 1. Some schools do not want the child present while they discuss them. 2. Four children including teen with very severe disabilities and a small baby make it absolutely impossible to hold a conversation. I generally arrange to see teachers for 10 mins after school on a day when my mum can help. Most teachers are fine with this, one couldn't accommodate this and it wasn't an issue, I knew DS was doing well anyway.

Nice to know I'm being judged as a bad parent for not being there on the actual evening though...

DrSausagedog · 03/12/2015 22:07

These days written reports are pretty comprehensive and give a lot of information about the child. I tend to agree with PPs that you don't tend to find out much new information about children at parents evenings tbh.

If you have a particular concern or issue then it makes sense to go. As a teacher I certainly wouldn't think badly of parents who don't attend, especially if their child doesn't have any behaviour or progress issues.

SurferJet · 03/12/2015 22:09

Agree with Anyfucker - I've been to every single parents evening but doubt it's made the slightest difference to anything.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 03/12/2015 22:10

The last two parent's evening I went to were a shambles.

Weird booking system with each teacher so you had to wait around for 20-40 minutes in between appointments and some teachers (despite having appointments booked) just didn't turn up.

I can't be arsed with that. If they want to arrange a proper one I'll go but I'm not voluntarily involving myself in that chaos again.

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2015 22:10

I find them quite stressful (High School). Hot, loads of people, queuing up and trying to establish who is next, it all running late because those parents feel they can have triple the time of everyone else.
Plus you have to rely on your child getting some slots for you to start with.

In 6th Form the teachers tell DS1 if they want to see us or not. Result.

reni2 · 03/12/2015 22:13

They are nice. Not overly useful though. Teacher tells parents how fabulous the child is. Parent thanks teacher for being so wonderful. Makes everyone feel good. I don't think not going would change anything.

I like looking at their workbooks, we only get to do that at parents evening and I like seeing the classroom. We are fortunate our school is good at communicating what they do in class and the teachers are very approachable, so no surprises. Might be different with a badly communicating school.

IPityThePontipines · 03/12/2015 22:13

"I go to prove to the teacher that I'm watching them interested".

Yes. I've had to be a bit pushy in previous years, as Dd1's the sort to happily sit and float along, so Parents evening is a good opportunity to make sure that's not happening.

I would also agree with newname99, that it's good to show the child that you value their school, but I understand that the timeslots are not convenient for many.

I also agree with many parents finding school terrifying, you see that in other settings with "authority figures" too. It's very sad and because people don't feel able to divulge that, it's very hard to rectify.

JessicasRabbit · 03/12/2015 22:13

Thanks idaclair and johnny, it's good to know that parents value that input too. Btw, kids like yours often (and unfairly) get overlooked because teachers know that they'll do well in life regardless of us. They have good parents who encourage them and (imo) hard working trumps naturally bright every day of the week. It's just nice to tell parents how great their kids are face to face once each year.

SpinachJelly · 03/12/2015 22:15

I went to all of our (3) lads parents evenings - in secondary school took a photograph after one particularly frustrating evening when it was obvious a small minority of teachers had no clue who my son was..

RaspberryOverload · 03/12/2015 22:15

I hate parents evenings.

Having to use an online booking system should make it a doddle, but as the system opens for bookings at midnight on a set night, you can guarantee that by 6am the majority of appts have been all booked up, so it's a case of staying up to access the system.....

You never see the teacher at the booked time anyway. Most end up overrunning. Often due to parents who seem to want to go over every tiny detail (frequently the parents of the high achievers).

And then there's DP, who likes to waffle on about our DD, who's doing really well and should get very good grades for her GCSEs next year. He wasn't able to come for this last evening, which actually worked well, as I got a succinct round up including tips and hints on where DD should focus her efforts. No need to kick DP under the table as previously

We've also got college interviews lined up. First one's next week, and DP will have to do that one as he's off that day. Thanks goodness parents aren't allowed into the actual interview.

ouryve · 03/12/2015 22:16

In DS2's case because I already have a personal handover at the start and end of every day, plus an hour long meeting at least once a year.

JessicasRabbit · 03/12/2015 22:17

reni, I think you're underestimating the importance of 'everyone feels good'. Kids feeling good about their education works wonders. Parents feeling good about their kids education also works wonders. Teachers feeling good about the kids and knowing parents are on board works wonders. Put the three together and it is easily worth a couple of hours once each year.