To wonder why some parents don't go to parents evening?

[Lampsinthemist]

I don't pretend to be the best parent but surely you'd go, wouldn't you?

I was one of the few there - why would you miss this?

Parental involvement does not require attendance at parents evening. As the parent of a child with SEN I can assure you I was more involved with her education than you can possibly imagine. It's ignorant to make out that parents like me 'don't give a fuck'. Seriously, what is the point of a 10 minute, once a term chat when I was speaking to her teachers every single day, with a weekly hour long meeting?

My DD is now at university doing linguistics. I don't think we've done too badly.

like a job appraisal, if you are hearing bad news on the night, there is something wrong with the process

Deprivation does seem to equate to low turn out at parents evening - but why?

And I do think not having a phone no that the school can contact you on is poor parenting.

I go in case something comes up. I was really excited about them, but we're only in Y1 and so far they've been so vague as to be practically useless. I just want to know, honestly, how my DCs are doing in terms of academics, friendships and behaviour. But that's apparently too much to ask

Even DDs preschool ones are a drag. The (albeit wonderful) teacher lists the things dd can do against the EYFS outline which are evident at home. Yes I know she can count to whatever. Yes I know she can hold a pencil correctly. Yes I know she can use complex sentences.

I want to know stuff I cant learn at home. What toys of your does she gravitate towards, what conversations does she instigate with the teachers, who has she bonded with during play, which does she prefer indoor outdoor play areas?

I dont want stats. Shes not even four yet.

As a teacher I find about 30% of them are actually useful. If there are problems, I'll have been in touch before it anyway.

It really pisses me off though when parents don't turn up. Of course sometimes it's unavoidable, but we have serial offenders in my school - each year they have booked a slot, not turned up and then expected a 30 min session late in the evening next week

Ther have been several of dd's parents evenings we haven't been to. She's almost 11. We frequently speak to her teachers, she's never had so much as a warning the whole time she's at school, she's very studious and doing fantastically. Why would we go unless there were concerns? I trust he teachers to discuss things with me when they need to be discussed, not save them for special occasions.

We have so far gone to all ds's but he is finding school a bit more challenging.

It's not easy finding the time tbh, we both work full time.

Our school provides a crèche for younger children in the nursery classroom.

Unfortunately they only provide it in the infants which makes the whole idea pretty much pointless.

I go, I drag kids, I don't see the point, but I go.

poster Passmethecrisps Thu 03-Dec-15 21:11:31

Only a awful school would just simply say their bad it's about making plans on how to move forward well that's what happens at my sons anyway they set goals and and we write a plan of how we can help at home

when we moved quite a distance away they took parents evening as a oppatuintly to talk through any issues he may have getting to school, and what to do if he was late and how we would deal with making sure he could sit in the library if we arrived early

Actually, I have twice had (sort-of) useful information.

Once was the rather odd art teacher (with whom DS had carefully NOT made an appointment) who said 'DS has to do art, I'm tellin ya, that boy's my secret weapon!' So DS did, and did jolly well, too.

The other was the meeting at which we gradually realised that the school thought DS2 was his autistic brother.

A lot of parents had a crap experience of school themselves and are too angry or terrified or indifferent to turn up to Parents evening. Quite often they are too scared...,,,,,,,

See my other thread about how vague and pointless the slot was. Then add to it that I took half a days annual leave, got there half an hour early and then had to wait 50 minutes past my booked slot only to have the deputy head burst in and tell me my retention mins was up. I would have happily kept to ten mins if the same had applied to earlier slots. Oh and I had to scramble for a sitting favour as they overran so badly. Utterly pointless

I go because I want the dcs to manage their education - and we use it as an opportunity for them to bring up problems, encouraging them to have a more adult relationship with their teachers. For example dd was upset over her French mark - she'd worked hard but wasn't happy about her score, teacher was brilliant, and offered her some one to one break time sessions and encouraged her to participate more and it has really made a difference to how dd approaches French.

I do think it's important that dcs learn to take responsibility for their education, ask questions they can't ask in class about their performance and while it's seen as parent's evening, I try to take a supporting role - I notice lots of teachers prefer to engage with their students rather than me too and I'm all for that.

I teach and I like parents evening. It's a chance to make contact with the parents of kids who are well behaved. The quiet ones, who don't cause trouble but don't excel. I like the positive reinforcement and the chance to point out that while Jenny isn't setting the world alight with her academic prowess, she is a kind, considerate, well-mannered girl who works hard and is a pleasure to teach. I think it does Jenny good to hear that, and I think it helps her parents' positive attitude towards education.

So while parents' evenings can be a pain in the arse when I'm tired and don't feel like three hours of talking to parents, I actually do think they help. But the ones they help are the middle-of-the-road kids who are all too easily overlooked. They deserve some attention too.

My parents never went to parents evenings and they were both in the education sector only one was a teacher though. They thought it was a complete waste of time.

I teach Family Learning. There are thousands of parents out there crippled by low self-confidence and terrified of walking through the door of a school.

IME these vastly outnumber the ones who can't be arsed.

You described my kids JessicasRabbit. Thankfully they are super special at home - cleverest kids I've ever given birth to ;)

That sounds great tampon. Like well-focuses planning. That doesn't happen at a typical parents evening though. That for me would normally happen at a proper meeting.

I know I have already given the Point about parental experience of school being dire but as I see someone else has touched on it I feel the need to second it. Schooling for some was awful and sitting hearing your beloved child judged against standardised criteria must be like a nightmare. History repeating itself.

The last one was on my 40th birthday. Strangely I couldn't change my plans at short notice (I got 8 days notice from the school).

It never occurred to me not to go. Two hours out of your life per child per year to show to the child and school you value their input? (obviously SEN parents are in a different position).
I did find that the private schools are much franker that state schools about everything.

My mum didn't go to many parents evenings and it sent a strong signal to me that school wasn't important.I think if you try & fail to go then that's better than just not going from the outset.You need to make the effort.

Also I recall friends talking about it the next day and it reinforced the difference between my home & others.

I think you have to show your children you value school, just meeting the teachers that have your children each day is important.I have learned a few things from 15years of parents evenings so for the minimal effort its worth it.

I'm so surprised so many parents don't go.

I missed both parents evenings last year. First one because ds1 had been in hospital for an operation the day my appointment was on (app was booked then got a phone call telling me the op was then) and the second one coincided with my dad dying, it was either the week leading up to his death when I was spending as much time as I could with him as we knew the end was near or the week after where there was no point seeing the teachers as I would have been wasting their time as I was in no position to listen and take in what was being said.

What does make me sad is when kids make appointments then parents don't come. There could still be perfectly valid reasons but still it makes me a bit sorry for them

Our school (US) has actually changed these meetings so that if you need to go, teachers will ask you to make an appointment. Everyone else is able to make an appointment if they really want to, but they aren't encouraged to. This way, teachers get to spend more time with the parents they really need to speak to, and they don't have to waste their time telling other parents that little Johnny is doing just fine. Then again, we do have lots of regular communication with them before and after class, by email etc, so we don't really have any surprises.

Just over a weeks notice, last appointment 6pm, I'm still at work at 6pm. Just not doable. I've asked for an email instead.