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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why some parents don't go to parents evening?

207 replies

Lampsinthemist · 03/12/2015 20:42

I don't pretend to be the best parent but surely you'd go, wouldn't you?

I was one of the few there - why would you miss this?

OP posts:
itsmeohlord · 03/12/2015 22:18

I forgot to go to one once when DS was in Y12 or 13. And once when DH and I were away we sent my Dad who was looking after them (he was a Headteacher in a former life)

Never found them particularly useful and always assumed that had there been something of concern I would have been called in anyway. One teacher spent the whole slot once telling me how well she thought my daughter was coping with her dyslexia. Dyslexia I did not know she had (she was 13 at the time) Turns out she was referring to the child above my DD in the register.

Samcro · 03/12/2015 22:19

i am so glad its over. i hated it. secondary was the worse. took ages as parents hogged the teachers and the teachers just wanted to go home.
even at sn school it was dire as I always got stuck behind someone who went way over time, they then changed it to 5 mins in a busy room yeah like I want to talk about private sn stuff in a busy room.

reni2 · 03/12/2015 22:21

That's true, Jessica, I do walk away feeling good about the school and the teacher. The kids like it, too.

AnyFucker · 03/12/2015 22:23

thank Gawd I only had two kids, that's all I can say

Sallystyle · 03/12/2015 22:24

I don't always go.

I know what they are going to say, it's the same thing every year and I get progress reports through the post monthly and any other problems they call me.

I very much give a shit, but I know how they are doing and they repeat what I already know.

Higge · 03/12/2015 22:25

Mind you my Sil says at their school the teachers at parents evening tend to say the kids are doing really well even when they aren't. I think I'd probably give those meetings a miss....I do think that's a bit pointless - the dcs know it's BS as do the parents - nothing is achieved no good feeling, just annoyance at time wasting and dishonesty!

SurferJet · 03/12/2015 22:29

Oh crikey - sorry JessicasRabbit I didn't realise there were teachers on this thread.
Blush at me saying I didn't get much out of parents evening.
Teachers do a fantastic job Flowers
< backs out of thread slowly >

JessicasRabbit · 03/12/2015 22:32

Well dishonesty is never good higge, teachers should absolutely be honest about a child's progress. But, tbh, if I had concerns about a child's progress I wouldn't wait until parents' evening to discuss it. Equally, if I had concerns about behaviour I wouldn't wait. Any teacher that lies about progress, or saves behaviour issues until parents' evening isn't worth their salt imo. And if a teacher is like that, it is good for parents to know.

SaucyJack · 03/12/2015 22:34

I go to at least one per year.

I went to them all until one of DD1's teachers blatantly lied right to my face about her "wonderful" progress in a particular subject she struggles with (a month later I was informed she was bring given catch up lessons).

I got the hump after that and stopped bothering quite as diligently.

JessicasRabbit · 03/12/2015 22:35

surfer, sorry! I'm not a parent-hating teacher (tbf I've never met any that are), and I can see why many parents find it hard to make it. I just wanted parents to know that lots of teachers value the 'waste of time' parents evening appointments too.

CainInThePunting · 03/12/2015 22:36

I think it does show a lack of care in most cases. Not all obviously.

I missed a handful over the years for various reasons but would never 'just not bother' which I think happens.

Because I've always worked full time, I was never able to have any drop off/pick up chats. Perhaps many parents get their info then.

I generally felt there was far too little communication from the school about my DS so any opportunity to ask questions and make sure we were 'on the same page' was important to me. Even if it was just a five minute chat.

AvaCrowder · 03/12/2015 22:37

I've always gone, but honestly I don't know what difference it makes. I think I'm quite an interested parent. It's nice to hear somebody talk about your child, but it doesn't change anything does it?

MsMermaid · 03/12/2015 22:38

I missed dd1's parents evening last year (yr10) because I was doing a parents evening myself for the year 10s in my own school. I wish I hadn't bothered this year tbh, it was a lovely half hour hearing lovely things about dd1, but there were a lot of other things I'd have been more productive doing.

I love going to dd2s parents evening, she's only in y1, and I only ever get to see her teacher at parents evening because I'm always at work. It was nice meeting her.

It is usually the parents I want to talk to who don't come. I'm never sure whether those parents don't want to /can't come or the children don't take the letters home. I know that the one child who hasn't made an appointment to see me next week won't have told her parents, because she doesn't want them to hear how she behaves at school. She's never quite bad enough to warrent a phone call home, but it would be an uncomfortable conversation for her at parents evening.

MrsDeVere · 03/12/2015 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Higge · 03/12/2015 22:42

Jessica I think my SIL's point was that her ds was doing the bare minimum and she knew that but the teachers were saying he was making good progress, she wanted the teachers to expect more and to tell her ds that they expected more. Their school is in a low performing area - not much seems to be expected of them. They see a grade c at GCSE as good enough.
Our dcs go to a high performing school, the teachers expect them to excel and their words mean something - my dcs are heads down, work hard, not dazzling clever but they are exceeding expectations every year.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 03/12/2015 22:43

I've recently attended Ds's very first one! (He's 3 and one term into nursery) I found it reassuring to see that Ds's teacher "gets" him and interesting to learn what activities he likes (sand and water table and singing). Also got a surprisingly detailed round up of his next attainment goals (recognise his name written down, recognise numbers, get more confident in group and get properly potty trained Blush)
I have to admit the main reason I attended was performative though. If anyone asks, I'd like the nursery to be able to say "Oh yes, Unlimited diluting juice always engages with us"
The actual usefullnes was an added bonus!

trufflehunterthebadger · 03/12/2015 22:43

i didnt get to go to dd's parents' evening. i was on shift answering 999 calls. is that ok with you, OP ?

FriendofBill · 03/12/2015 22:45

Transport, childcare, unsuitable time slots, add the three together with torrential rain and its just too much on top of everything else. Putting a cold wet coat back on to go to parents evening.

When all said and done and I have weighed it up, sometimes I haven't attended.

Don't judge until you walked a mile in someone's shoes. How privileged / fortunate you are not to perceive these issues.
And there are undoubtedly others.

Thanks for speaking for everyone pp and saying mostly we can't be bothered. Hmm

MrsDeVere · 03/12/2015 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BalloonSlayer · 03/12/2015 22:46

Very few posters have mentioned how a child might feel if their parents didn't go to parents' evening.

The people who say "I don't go because it's all OK" - why don't you think it would be valuable for your DC to sit there and hear their teachers tell their parents nice things about them?

serin · 03/12/2015 22:47

We go but I hate it.

Always end up sat in a sweaty overheated hall behind Mr and Mrs Pushy parents who are making notes on a clipboard and hog the teacher for 20mins oblivious to the fact that they are causing a backlog.

Then I am expected to shake hands with the teacher and share the germs of everyone else S/He has shook hands with.

All to be told what we already know.

MrsDeVere · 03/12/2015 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JessicasRabbit · 03/12/2015 22:49

I know what you mean higge, and that's crap. They're in a poorly performing area so C is fine, even if the child is capable an A? Screw that. Teaching should be about helping each child reach his/her potential. Whether that be an A or a C.

Higge · 03/12/2015 22:49

serin take some hand sanitiser with you - that's the germs sorted!

MrsDeVere · 03/12/2015 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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