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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not send my Dd back to school until they address my concerns

233 replies

Allisgood1 · 25/11/2015 09:34

I am fuming.

Dd is 7. She is VERY shy and sensitive (and yes, probably very annoying for teachers).

In June she fell off a fence after school and hurt her wrist. The next morning she was fine but she was holding her wrist close to her. DH took her to school and specifically asked that she not do PE as she had a sprained wrist. She did PE. When I picked her up they said "oh she was fine to do it". Dd was still holding her wrist in one position and very tearful. I took her to ooh and she had a broken wrist. Our fault for not realizing but we also hadn't been with her all day.

About two weeks ago she had a filling at the dentist. The next morning she was complaining of pain so we gave her calpol and ibuprofen and sent her to school (with the meds) and told the office to call us if she got any worse. That afternoon when DH picked up her teacher said she shouldn't have been sent in. That evening an ooh dentist diagnosed her with an abcsess. When I emailed the teacher to explain she would likely be late in Monday as we were taking her to the dentist she said that Dd was "unable to concentrate and very tearful on Friday". Wtf wasn't I called then!????

Yesterday was final straw. She was fine going in but had missed two doses of antibiotics because school didn't give them to her at lunch and didn't give them to her at going home time (by the time we realized it was evening). I had a call from the office saying Dd had been for her flu vaccine and the nurse had taken her temp and it was "very high" and the nurse had advised she go home. Dd got home and looked awful. How in the hell did she go all day without anyone noticing "Dd looks unwell".

The school is new and they obviously care about their Ofsted but the neglect in care to protect attendance records has resulted in a loss of trust. I emailed the head and said she won't be coming back until I am able to come in and review their sickness at school policy. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:

Sirzy · 25/11/2015 09:37

What is there policy for giving medication?

I wouldn't be happy but you need to clarify that, a lot of schools won't give medication unless it's for a long term problem with a care plan in place.

I don't think you can blame them for you forgetting to pick up the antibiotics though.

Zippidydoodah · 25/11/2015 09:41

Each childcare provider and school I've worked with only provides one dose per day of medicine. If agreed/signed for etc it is actually negligent of them not to have provided at least one dose.

However, perhaps you shouldn't have sent her in in the first place, given the wrist pain/toothache etc?

VinylScratch · 25/11/2015 09:43

However, perhaps you shouldn't have sent her in in the first place, given the wrist pain/toothache etc?

^This

TheFairyCaravan · 25/11/2015 09:48

Stop sending your child to school when they're ill/in pain then the teacher won't have to decide if they are well enough to be there.

She's not the only one in the class, there's over 20 others who need looking after/ teaching/ attention too!

mumeeee · 25/11/2015 09:49

Most schools I know don't administer antibiotics and if a pupil is on them they usually say pupils should stay home until they have finished the course.

ShatnersBassoon · 25/11/2015 09:49

You unwittingly sent your child in to school with a broken wrist and a dental abscess. Surely you can understand how very often it seems that chivying along a tearful child is the best thing to do, and that is what the teachers have been doing. If you didn't spot the real problem, how could the teacher be expected to when they have tens of children to monitor?

Presumably you filled in a consent form for a dose to be administered at lunchtime (they wouldn't give a home time one, you would). Was the teacher supposed to have given it? What was said when you collected the medicine?

EnaSharplesHairnet · 25/11/2015 09:49

You know your child far better than any one else can. Also the school is dealing with a class of children so any monitoring is by definition less than you could do.

I know that school cannot observe and look after my children as well as me. So I am confident in my decisions when I keep them off.

So do trust them generally but not to do as careful a parenting job as you and your DH would do.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 25/11/2015 09:50

I think yabvu. Seriously.

BertrandRussell · 25/11/2015 09:50

Why do you keep sending her to school when she's hurt/ill?

honkinghaddock · 25/11/2015 09:50

Most schools have a form to fill in if you want a child to be given meds in school and this generally won't be allowed for things like for calpol etc unless there is a long tern need.

bluebolt · 25/11/2015 09:52

All the cases you have stated my DCs primary would of not have even excepted the child and I would of been phoned within minutes to collect with a few tuts and head tilts at me sending DC in.

BastardGoDarkly · 25/11/2015 09:53

I really do think you need to take some of the blame here op.

GreenTomatoJam · 25/11/2015 09:53

I don't know - at our school, I would expect medicine to be given (you have to fill in a form etc. it has to be prescribed, but it will be given - including antibiotics if the child is otherwise fine to be in school)

I wouldn't expect a call if I hadn't informed them there was a potential issue (the wrist, the tooth) but, if I'd spoken to the teacher, told them that DS was probably fine, but to call me if that changed then they would reset their expectations and give me a bell if he got tearful.

I've had calls just to check if I'd noticed anything, and see if I thought I should come and get him when he's suddenly started feeling ill for instance, on the other hand, they've chivvied him on if he didn't seem too bad.

He does go to a particularly caring school though, that's why I picked it for him.

Sirzy · 25/11/2015 09:55

Ds school will only give antibiotics if they are needed 4 times a day as any less it can be done at home. Even then they will only give them if they have been on them more than 48 hours.

They won't give calpol or brufen (unless it's for a long term ongoing illness/injury) because if a child is ill enough to be needed extra then really they shouldn't be in school.

Original poster

Allisgood1 · 25/11/2015 09:56

We filled in the form. They agreed to give the meds. They forgot. They also agreed to give pain meds if when/necessary and do. This isn't about that.

Yes, I fully accept that perhaps I shouldn't have sent her in (in hindsight) but parents are called in for a telling off regularly (we have managed to avoid it so far) if attendance dips below 90% I think. And it doesn't matter if they are excused or unexcused. So I am trying to avoid that. The school on both occasions were given the heads up (wrist and tooth) to please CALL US if she was worse. They DIDN'T but clearly KNEW she was because (in the tooth incident) they commented on it.

TBF, on all three occasions we didn't know she was as sick/in pain as she was. We judged based on the first hour in the morning.

I fully accept there are 23 other children in her class and that's a fair point.

OP posts:

BeanGirls · 25/11/2015 09:56

The only person at real fault here is you.

CarrotVan · 25/11/2015 09:56

hurt wrist You should probably have taken her to out of hours the day she did it, certainly in the morning if she was still in a lot of pain. You should have given a note not a verbal request to excuse her from PE.

dental issue/tearfulness I don't think it would be normal for teachers to call home if a child is distracted and tearful but if they say she shouldn't have been sent in then they probably should have called home. Again though if she was in that much pain do you need to reassess your threshold for keeping her off?

antibiotics depends on their policy for managing medications. Also someone did notice she was unwell and called you.

I don't think the school is hugely at fault here. Your daughter has had a bad run

Snossidge · 25/11/2015 09:57

If they had agreed to give the medication and you'd signed the relevant forms etc, it is very wrong of them not to give it!

However, with her being ill/injured - the teacher probably thinks you're the best judge of whether she should be in school or not, so if you've sent her in the teacher will do her best to jolly her along. If your child is shy she probably isn't telling the staff that she doesn't feel great. Next time she is ill or injured keep her at home.

Enjolrass · 25/11/2015 09:57

Yabu.

I not going to defend the school yet on the anti biotics, as I am assuming the agreed to give her the antibiotics twice.

Is that correct? Or did you just put them in her bag?

You sent her to school with a broken wrist. She was at school all day, but at home the previous afternoon and evening. Chances are they felt that of you sent her to school she must be fine and maybe just a bit sore or putting it on a bit. She was with you and you didn't think to take her to a&e.

Most schools will not administer calpol etc. If she was in that much pain she should have been at home.

Again did they agree to give painkillers? Or did you just 'send her in with them'

Personally in most of these situations you have caused at least 50% of the problem.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 25/11/2015 09:58

Stop sending your child to school when they're ill/in pain then the teacher won't have to decide if they are well enough to be there

this too, OP see this as a lesson but really if she is off form, she is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY

I would eat a but of humble pie TBH

Fratelli · 25/11/2015 09:59

You're trying to blame the school for your own faults. Yabu.

Enjolrass · 25/11/2015 09:59

TBF, on all three occasions we didn't know she was as sick/in pain as she was. We judged based on the first hour in the morning.

And they should have noticed?

She may have been a bit tearful and when they spoke to her she may have said she was fine.

You shouldn't have sent her in.

The school should say they won't give pain mess. People complain about this but I can see why they don't.

Why didn't you just keep her off?

KeepOnMoving1 · 25/11/2015 10:00

I don't think the school is at fault here. Why was she sent in with an injured wrist and told not to be included in PE. She shouldn't have been sent in if she was in pain.
And being tearful isn't something to call parents about? They won't have noticed she looked awful because they have 20 other children to see to.

Wolfiefan · 25/11/2015 10:01

If you as a parent can't tell when you are 121 with your child (who you know better than anyone else does) for a whole hour, then how are the school supposed to know she's unwell. She may not be so prepared to speak up either.
The only real issue I would have is the antibiotics. But I can't see why you wouldn't send her in.

Snossidge · 25/11/2015 10:01

Of course the school is at fault! They agreed to give medicine and then forgot!

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