to not send my Dd back to school until they address my concerns

[Allisgood1]

I am fuming.

Dd is 7. She is VERY shy and sensitive (and yes, probably very annoying for teachers).

In June she fell off a fence after school and hurt her wrist. The next morning she was fine but she was holding her wrist close to her. DH took her to school and specifically asked that she not do PE as she had a sprained wrist. She did PE. When I picked her up they said "oh she was fine to do it". Dd was still holding her wrist in one position and very tearful. I took her to ooh and she had a broken wrist. Our fault for not realizing but we also hadn't been with her all day.

About two weeks ago she had a filling at the dentist. The next morning she was complaining of pain so we gave her calpol and ibuprofen and sent her to school (with the meds) and told the office to call us if she got any worse. That afternoon when DH picked up her teacher said she shouldn't have been sent in. That evening an ooh dentist diagnosed her with an abcsess. When I emailed the teacher to explain she would likely be late in Monday as we were taking her to the dentist she said that Dd was "unable to concentrate and very tearful on Friday". Wtf wasn't I called then!????

Yesterday was final straw. She was fine going in but had missed two doses of antibiotics because school didn't give them to her at lunch and didn't give them to her at going home time (by the time we realized it was evening). I had a call from the office saying Dd had been for her flu vaccine and the nurse had taken her temp and it was "very high" and the nurse had advised she go home. Dd got home and looked awful. How in the hell did she go all day without anyone noticing "Dd looks unwell".

The school is new and they obviously care about their Ofsted but the neglect in care to protect attendance records has resulted in a loss of trust. I emailed the head and said she won't be coming back until I am able to come in and review their sickness at school policy. Am I overreacting?

But she's not complaining to the school for missing the fracture, she's complaining because they made her DD do PE when they'd been asked not to.

It's not that they missed the fracture, clam - it's that her condition worsened during the day, and despite the OP's dh having told the school about the wrist, and requested she was excused PE, no-one at the school noticed she was in more pain.

Even the most well of children can get ill during the day, and the schools usually notice that change in the child, don't they? Not every time, and not every small change - I know they are only human, but in general, my experience is that the schools have noticed when children become unwell during the day.

That's OK, huffle. Easily done.

Mind you, also in my experience, there's not a school in the country who would actively allow children to climb on fences. Doesn't stop them trying it when you're not looking though.

Wow. I am amazed to see how much response, judgement, and assumptions are being made here. Just a word of advice to those who have passed judgement of me as a parent: you don't know the shoes I walk in.

I think it's fair to say that we are at least 50% at fault. Clearly I put too much trust into the school. At nursery, in the same class size, I would have been notified.

I will also say I think it's sad that I can't expect my child's teacher or TA to know when she's unwell. I think it's sad that I am being OTT for expecting staff who are around my child all day to actually give a damn about how she may or may not be feeling. I think it's sad that I can't trust my child's school to ring me if they think she's unwell. I think it's sad that I have to keep her off even if I think she's well enough to go in because not doing so implies I think she's well. I think it's sad that so many schools are driven by attendance and as such, punish parents and children. It's sad that by expecting teachers to keep an eye out means you are expecting "too much".

I also want to point out that had my child been in tears, or in enough physical pain that I could tell by looking at her I would never send her in. In every instance she was fine.

*I did not know she had an abcsess.
I did not know she had a broken wrist.
I'm did not know that at lunch time she would develop a fever.

In all of the cases above she was ok going in. I asked the teacher and office to ring me if this changed and they didn't. This is why I am angry.*

Okay, faults both sides but OP keeping the child off school until she gets her concerns addressed.....could take some time, as OP thinks she's totally in the right, me thinks

"my experience is that the schools have noticed when children become unwell during the day."

Usually, yes, and I don't know what happened here, although it might be relevant that the OP said her child was "VERY shy and sensitive." It's an unfortunate fact that in a busy class, particularly if there are a number of needy or behaviourally-challenging children, such personalities can get overlooked sometimes. And for sensitive, if you assume "cries easily," then that too might have clouded the issue.

I haven't passed judgement on you as a parent. I am saying YABU to be pissed off with school.

And aren't you the one posting for advice ?

the phonecall where it revealed the nurse had advised she was sent home happened in the Evening, not during school time!

"I asked the teacher and office to ring me if this changed and they didn't."
But you said the nurse noticed and you were rung. Maybe the fever hadn't developed sufficiently during classtime for the busy teacher to see, but that the medically-trained nurse who saw her one-to-one, did see.

What, so it wasn't a school flu-jab thing? Ah OK, I stand corrected.

i would be furious if they forgot the AB's
you can't win these days if you keep your child home, you get in trouble for poor attendance.

Antibiotics - if prescribed then most schools will give a dose after a form has been completed at the office. Different schools deal with this in different ways. As your school, OP, says they will and you completed the form then they should have done so. Unfortunately sometimes things can get missed - human error is always possible even when at home with parents. I would expect a 7 year old to be partly responsible for remembering too - this would be y2 or y3 so old enough to do so. But they should have things in place to ensure this happens and children are not forgotten.
I think it is usually down to the parents to collect medication. Most schools would not give the child a bottle of medication for H&S reasons, so the parent normally has to collect.

Painkillers - most school will not give unprescribed medication, including calpol, etc. However if OPs school stated they would, again it should follow the school's formal policy for this including times, dates, who to give it, how much etc.

Not sending home - this is so hard for schools to judge. Parents complain either way you do this in my experience.
It does sound like on each occasion the OP knew their child was unwell and probably not up to school. Forget the perceived worry of unauthorised absences, etc. If your child is poorly, they don't go and you call in/send a note with the reasons.
In class ill children often mask how they truly feel, or tell teachers they are "ok" when asked. Teachers can't send home every child who says they feel poorly, or who become tearful - parents will complain if they are made to come in and collect a child who cheers up or feels better on parents arrival. They have to make a judgement and will always try to jolly a child along as much as possible beforehand, and if it is nearing the end of the day often feel the child will probably be okay to wait a little while longer. When you have several other children to watch it can be hard.

I suspect part of your crossness over this is that you also feel some guilt that you sent in a poorly/hurt child.

Actually, it's not clear when it was. The OP said they didn't realise until evening that the ABs had been left at school. The flu jab was in school hours. (is this a thing now? It's not in our school)

Clam, the jab was done in school, by a nurse, who told the school the DD had a temp and needed to go home.

From what the OP has said the school didn't phone her parents, or send her home, didnt give her the Ab's or send them home, but they got a call later AFTER the dd was home to tell them what the nurse said.

yes its a thing :) all yr2 children have been offered the nasal flu shot things. my dd had hers in school last week.

OP thinks she's totally in the right, me thinks

I agree even though they admit they are 50% to blame

clam - this year, all y1 and y2 in England (not sure about rest of UK) have been offered the nasal flu vaccination.

I had a call from the office saying Dd had been for her flu vaccine and the nurse had taken her temp and it was "very high" and the nurse had advised she go home. Dd got home and looked awful. How in the hell did she go all day without anyone noticing "Dd looks unwell".

When did she have her flu vaccination?
When were you called?

I also assume they didn't give her the flu vaccination as a result of the high temperature

Ah, OK. Must have missed that happening.

#toobusytoreadstaffnoticeboard

Child gets sick in the morning then you wait and see how they are at breaktime, try to get them to midday, then call home if obvs they are ill.

Child gets sick in the afternoon try to get them to breaktime, see how they are then call home for early pickup if they need to go home.

Schools don't want sick kids in as they spread the bug and then attendance nose dives. They also don.t want to call a parent at work to collect a child who could ave held on until the end of day and isn't that unwell. This means it is often a judgement call that develops over an hour or so.

Some children also go downhill very quickly and that can take a teacher by surprise.

Broken wrist might not have appeared as bad as it actually wass and they had no idea it was broken - neither did op. So seeing how they go in pe is the way forward.

School meds - as a parent I would want the office to make sure they were given on time, but would not be surprised if they weren't unless I had come in and talked it through with them and give list of timings.

Schools aren't out to hurt kids/keep them in if they are sick. Or force them to do things that hurt. They want to nudge the kids that are a bit more reticent to join in and get them to have a go before they excuse them or send them home.

Forgetting the antibiotics and making her do PE= School's fault, and it is reasonable to bring it up with the school.

Everything else- Yours/DH fault.. not even fault as such, just one of those things that happens.

I have sent mine in with a little cold and a few hours later they got sent home with a high temp and body aches. It happens to all of us. It can be hard to judge in the small time you have in the morning. Equally, I have kept mine off school and an hour or two later they aren't as bad as I thought.

OP did NOT send her dd to school knowing she was is in a lot of pain. She thought she was well enough to go. That is not the school's fault but it isn't really the OP's fault if her dd's condition worsened and she misjudged it, it happens. OP is bu to complain about that, but not the PE/Antibiotic thing.

But you didn't ask them to tell you if she was unwell just if she got more worse.
If she goes in dosed up on meds - it is hard for them to tell if she is more unwell or it is just the meds wearing off- product of long day.
Teacher may have thought that the condition she was in at the beginning of day was too bad to be allowed in school but you didn't - its not clear that it was the deterioration that was the problem. they may have noticed from the start that she looked unwell but they knew that you had chosen to send her in.
I also don't think that you can expect the same attention that you get at nursery - its a totally different setting with different priorities, Plus in nursery the children can't communicate as well so the nursery staff have to be more alert. you also tend to speak to the same staff. here you seem to have spoken to the office and not to teachers or PE staff

if they developed a filling I would be mortified as well but that's just me.

Just for the record. My son had two fillings at that age. Sucks I know but mostly just genetic/luck.

My children all have the same diets and hygiene.. four of them have never had a filling and neither have I. One has had two, just like his dad who was full of them. Nothing I did wrong.

I'd be bloody annoyed if the school didn't call me if dd became unwell during school hours.
I'd be annoyed if they made her do PE when I had specifically asked them not to.
I'd be annoyed if they didn't give ABs at lunch time when they had agreed to do so.

I think you do need to talk to the Head about how they deal with these things and what they will do to ensure that they will do them in future.

I need to add that dd's primary, despite being a pretty shitty school and going into Special Measures, did manage to do all those sort of things^^