to not send my Dd back to school until they address my concerns

[Allisgood1]

I am fuming.

Dd is 7. She is VERY shy and sensitive (and yes, probably very annoying for teachers).

In June she fell off a fence after school and hurt her wrist. The next morning she was fine but she was holding her wrist close to her. DH took her to school and specifically asked that she not do PE as she had a sprained wrist. She did PE. When I picked her up they said "oh she was fine to do it". Dd was still holding her wrist in one position and very tearful. I took her to ooh and she had a broken wrist. Our fault for not realizing but we also hadn't been with her all day.

About two weeks ago she had a filling at the dentist. The next morning she was complaining of pain so we gave her calpol and ibuprofen and sent her to school (with the meds) and told the office to call us if she got any worse. That afternoon when DH picked up her teacher said she shouldn't have been sent in. That evening an ooh dentist diagnosed her with an abcsess. When I emailed the teacher to explain she would likely be late in Monday as we were taking her to the dentist she said that Dd was "unable to concentrate and very tearful on Friday". Wtf wasn't I called then!????

Yesterday was final straw. She was fine going in but had missed two doses of antibiotics because school didn't give them to her at lunch and didn't give them to her at going home time (by the time we realized it was evening). I had a call from the office saying Dd had been for her flu vaccine and the nurse had taken her temp and it was "very high" and the nurse had advised she go home. Dd got home and looked awful. How in the hell did she go all day without anyone noticing "Dd looks unwell".

The school is new and they obviously care about their Ofsted but the neglect in care to protect attendance records has resulted in a loss of trust. I emailed the head and said she won't be coming back until I am able to come in and review their sickness at school policy. Am I overreacting?

Falling below 90% attendance is easy. It's 6 days off school in an eleven week term. For 7 year olds, a couple of winter bugs and that's quite possible.

Bluebell20 yes I intended to do just that. Going in screaming and shouting never gets anyone anywhere! I have asked to review their sickness at school policy (if one exists) and come to an agreement in order to move forward.

And yes, I will be far more cautious in the future about sending her in. Right now I'm worried that if do send her in fit and well and she becomes unwell (as was the case yesterday) then I won't be called. I am also concerned that antibiotics will continue to be forgotten and her abscess will flare back up.

If you tell the school your 7 year old is not to do PE that day as they have a sore wrist it's reasonable to expect that they won't make her do PE.

So you didn't notice your child had a broken wrist and a tooth abcess but you are fuming because the school didn't either !
yabvu.

I think you should be "fuming" with yourself TBH

But twice you did not get appropriate care for your own daughter for quite serious injuries/illness. How can you complain to the school, when actually these were your oversights (I could use a stronger word, but I expect you feel bad enough). But you might want think about not projecting your sense of parental failure on the school. Why should teachers do more for children than their own parents are prepared to do? You sound like you want to hand over responsibility to teachers, rather than step up.

Allisgood,
multishirk has made some very good points.
Maybe you should take some of them on board in future.

That's the right approach. List the specific incidents and refer back to their own policy. I'd be worried too. You could mention that their failures to treat her appropriately and/or send her home are steering you towards keeping her home for any signs of illness.

I wouldn't keep her off now when she isn't in pain or or ill. That won't help your case. To have attendance go below 90% and you be called in she'd have to miss nearly 4 weeks of school per year, so I wouldn't let that influence whether you send her in.

I think there are a combination of errors on both sides, yours and schools. I don't think it's fair for you to place blame on them entirely. But in my experience of working in childcare and education once you get a bee in your bonnet about something it's very hard to see subsequent events clearly. I would draw a line under this and move on.

There are loads of posts on here about people not noticing that a child had a broken bone for 24-48 hours. It's not always obvious.

The parent sees a system where poor attendance will result in a "punishment" - a formal interview. I do think that is unhelpful.

Young children can pick up ailments at a regular rate, and in the case of my family it all landed on one child so their attendance wasn't good. Luckily where we lived (in Scotland) at the time there was no sense of being in trouble for this.

I don't think you were unreasonable, and I think each individual incident could be somewhat explained away individually. But as three of these incidents have happened, both you and the school need to look at how you both manage illness and injury.

You've been assuming that if she continues to be unwell/sore during the day that they will call you to send her home. They seem to be assuming that you have sent her to school and are happy with her there at that degree of soreness/injury and would only contact you (hopefully they would) if she had a very significant deterioration. Between home and school there seems to be a culture of presenteeism - with you believing if in doubt its better to send her in, and them believing that if in doubt its better not to send her home. Both maybe need to change, and if it is a new school then maybe they need to check that the class staff do know what to do if a child is sick/injured and feel empowered to enact it.

I think you do need to talk to the school about this and I'd keep her off whilst she's on the medication if you doubt their ability to ensure she has it.

But you also need to maybe change your own threshold for sending her in and keep her off, knowing that the school isn't keen to call home during the day. And maybe have a word your daughter about it being a good idea to tell the teacher when she's in a lot of pain/if she's remembered her medicine etc because they can't always guess. (To make her more assertive about this, though obviously from their comments they did notice!)

I hope she's feeling better really soon

I don't think you're a bad mother for not knowing she would get ill but using that logic, neither do I think the school did anything wrong. YABU.

Also, the school probably don't call parents of frequent absence children in for a right old bollocking, it's probably just to talk about it in case there is a problem

I feel bad for the child being sent in so unwell, you know it's bad when a teacher can tell a child is unwell and the mother can't

No one has alluded to you being a bad mother.

As I said you are at least 50% to blame.

If you don't know she has a broken wrist or abscess, then how do you expect the school to know?

If you didn't se her in the evening she hurt wrist, who did? Why aren't they to blame for not taking her to a&e. What about her dad that looked at it the next morning and missed it?

You are definitely not a bad mother! I just think a frank but polite conversation with the head is all that's in order you set out your expectations, and then listen to theirs!

All I can add is that my DC school would not have forgotten to give medicine and would have sent my DC home with no hesitation in both instances re hand and abscess. It would have been noticed my DC were in distress and pain and I would have been called to collect.

However on both occasions you knew she was unwell so you should have kept her at home.

Natkingcole- it's not always that straight forward though is it, have you never gone to work feeling ok but then get progressively worse throughout the day?

In this case, as I said in PP, there have been errors on both sides, but there is no need to sit and type remarks like that, it's unhelpful and unnecessary

I have read your posts very carefully twice and have failed to see that the school did anything wrong

The reality is that, as one of 30, they won't notice she's ill unless she throws up, collapses or comes out in a rash (and then only maybe) - unless she tells them. If she is too shy then she'll have to cope til home time.

AF, I think making her do PE probably wasn't on, although I'm not at all how she managed with a broken wrist.

The antibiotics issue has been ignored so clearly they didn't agree to giving twice.

The rest of it could conceivably be no-one's fault (as I said I have sent my kids in a bit unwell, hoping they would get better as they day progresses, and mostly they do, occasionally they don't). Or could be the parents' fault if she was really ill in the morning and it was very genuine. But I don't see the school's fault.

"If they had agreed to give the medication and you'd signed the relevant forms etc, it is very wrong of them not to give it!"
^ this.

"I don't think the school is at fault here. Why was she sent in with an injured wrist and told not to be included in PE. She shouldn't have been sent in if she was in pain. "

I disagree, why should the child miss lessons? She can take part in all other activities but not pe as her wrist is hurt seems straightforward. I think the teachers were not listening to you and their med administration system is flawed. Def speak to the head but send your dd in if she is well enough. Good luck.

did you know that schools are rarely in the wrong on MN?

it was asked she shouldn't do PE she was made to do PE, how is that the parents fault?
But she was fit to do all the other sitting at a desk learning activities, with a sprained wrist.