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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not send my Dd back to school until they address my concerns

233 replies

Allisgood1 · 25/11/2015 09:34

I am fuming.

Dd is 7. She is VERY shy and sensitive (and yes, probably very annoying for teachers).

In June she fell off a fence after school and hurt her wrist. The next morning she was fine but she was holding her wrist close to her. DH took her to school and specifically asked that she not do PE as she had a sprained wrist. She did PE. When I picked her up they said "oh she was fine to do it". Dd was still holding her wrist in one position and very tearful. I took her to ooh and she had a broken wrist. Our fault for not realizing but we also hadn't been with her all day.

About two weeks ago she had a filling at the dentist. The next morning she was complaining of pain so we gave her calpol and ibuprofen and sent her to school (with the meds) and told the office to call us if she got any worse. That afternoon when DH picked up her teacher said she shouldn't have been sent in. That evening an ooh dentist diagnosed her with an abcsess. When I emailed the teacher to explain she would likely be late in Monday as we were taking her to the dentist she said that Dd was "unable to concentrate and very tearful on Friday". Wtf wasn't I called then!????

Yesterday was final straw. She was fine going in but had missed two doses of antibiotics because school didn't give them to her at lunch and didn't give them to her at going home time (by the time we realized it was evening). I had a call from the office saying Dd had been for her flu vaccine and the nurse had taken her temp and it was "very high" and the nurse had advised she go home. Dd got home and looked awful. How in the hell did she go all day without anyone noticing "Dd looks unwell".

The school is new and they obviously care about their Ofsted but the neglect in care to protect attendance records has resulted in a loss of trust. I emailed the head and said she won't be coming back until I am able to come in and review their sickness at school policy. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:

MerryMarigold · 25/11/2015 11:40

Ah, I see. They needed to administer one, and then give the bottle back for you to give the other one.

OP, how did you manage without the AB's? She must have missed loads of doses.

MerryMarigold · 25/11/2015 11:41

x post AF

Wolfiefan · 25/11/2015 11:41

If her wrist was so sore she couldn't do PE (regardless of whether it was broken or not) why didn't you inform school?
And if it was that sore why didn't you seek medical advice?
You seem intent on blaming the school for not spotting things that you didn't spot and your child didn't inform them of.

AnyFucker · 25/11/2015 11:41

By that token, she must have missed more than 2 doses as you didn't have the bottle at home in the morning either.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 25/11/2015 11:43

Don't bother disagreeing with OP. Seriously. It's pointless.

BabyGanoush · 25/11/2015 11:44

I agree that sending a child in to school when unwell is the parents making the wrong call (OP).

School is going to have to assume a child is well enough for school if the parents have sent them in, and would only call if child is visibly unwell (vomiting) They can't really check every individual child's temperature for example.

About PE, schools would usually need a written note from the parent, not something said in haste at drop off when other kids and parents are also vying for the teacher's attention.

You made some bad calls, and lack in communication. However, the school could definitely be a bit more pro-active about calling you.

But laying all the blame on the school is not fair IMO.

Next time you send your child in with a fever/pain/hurt maybe call the school at break time to ask how she is? Or even better: keep her home

shazzarooney99 · 25/11/2015 11:45

Our school has parents coming to administer medicines, if the medicine is 3 times a day and they missed one lot, which could perhaps be because the child did not go at the required time to get meds? as i know some schools will say to a child come and get your medicine at such and such a time, you could also have gone into school at the end of the day to get the meds.

I also agree with someone else about the boy that cried wolf, if a child is always complaining of something or other, then the teacher probably is sick of hearing it and probably heard it a gazzillion times when there was nothing wrong. To be honest i think its wrong to totally lump the blame all on school, can you imagine how many children perhaps have to go for meds? perhaps next time you could go in and and medicate your daughter yourself?

MerryMarigold · 25/11/2015 11:46

When my kids have had 3x per day meds, they have 1 in the morning, 1 straight after school and 1 before bed. I don't really see why the school need to do anything and risk leaving the bottle behind [I know I would forget to check in the chaos of pickup, so I wouldn't risk it].

tiggytape · 25/11/2015 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 25/11/2015 11:47

same here, MM

why hand over responsibility for something to school when you could be doing it yourself ?

erm...

Original poster

Allisgood1 · 25/11/2015 11:51

Please read the thread.

OP posts:

Witchend · 25/11/2015 11:53

Sounds like all your responsibility except the missing lunchtime medication.

You were with her when she fell off the fence.
You sent her to school with a broken wrist.

You sent her to school with toothache.

You forgot to pick up medication at the end of the day.

I've done all that or similar. (although it was dd1 who insisted on going to school with toothache, and I offered to keep her off) But I did not blame the school at all. it was entirely my fault. (and it's happened over 3 children and 10 years of school so not in such a short period of time)

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/11/2015 11:54

I think Allisgood is getting a bit of a hard time here.

I am a trained nurse, and ds2 broke his wrist on a Saturday lunchtime, but we didn't realise how serious the injury was until 24 hours later, when he couldn't put his weight on it - up to then, he'd been a bit sore (relieved by calpol) and able to play football, and had slept fine - it took an x-ray to diagnose.

And she has said she didn't send her child in with a dental abcess - that developed later - her child had had a filling, been sore afterwards (not unexpected, imo) but that soreness had been relieved by calpol - so she assumed, as I would, that it was just post-filling soreness, and sent her in to school, expecting that if her dd was in pain later on, she'd be notified.

In the third example, her child did not have a temperature when she sent her in - it developed during the day - to the point where the school nurse took her temperature and recommended she be sent home - and the school did not send her home - how is that OK?

Schools are full of adults who are just as capable as a mum of judging a child's condition - plenty of us have been phoned by our children's schools to fetch them home when they become unwell during the day. No parent has a crystal ball - we all make the best judgements we can, with the information we have at the time. In each of these examples, the OP thought she was making the right decision to send her child to school - had she had x-ray vision, or the power of foresight, and had known the wrist was broken, an abcess was going to develop, or her dd's temperature was going to rise dramatically from normal - of course she would have kept her at home.

But she didn't - so she sent her child in, and trusted that, if her condition changed, and she was not well enough for school, she would be sent home - and that is not unreasonable, IMO.

If a child vomits at lunchtime, should the school keep them there, because they were OK when the parents sent them in? Of course not - they should send them home. Same would apply if a child had an injury at school - as ds2 did when he broke the other wrist playing football - the school rang us to take him to A&E. They didn't keep him in school because his wrist hadn't been broken when he arrived there that day!

Yes, with the power of hindsight, the OP shouldn't have sent her child in - but no-one has hindsight BEFORE the event - that is why it is called hindsight. Her dd's condition worsened each time, during the school day, and the school did not contact her.

NewLife4Me · 25/11/2015 11:55

Why do some parents expect school to be responsible for everything to do with their child?
It seems to be getting worse, no wonder teachers are leaving the profession, they are required to be doctors and nurses now.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 25/11/2015 11:55

My DD is currently taking a course of antibiotics for an infection on her finger, and is on 3x daily doses. Like PP have stated, I give her one in the morning, one after school and one before bed. I don't understand why you are asking the school to administer it when you could just do it yourself later? DD'S school won't give antibiotics at all unless the prescription states 4x per day anyway, which is absolutely fair enough given all the routine meds they already have to do (asthmatics, diabetics etc), I wouldn't want to add to an already large workload to be honest.

As for the wrist and tooth situation, I'm with practically everyone else OP, if you didn't realise your own child was in serious pain and in need of medical attention, how on earth do you expect a class teacher responsible for 25 children to?!

Your DD is 7, she is plenty old enough to speakup for herself and tell the teacher she doesn't feel well surely?!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/11/2015 11:58

NewLife - I think it is utterly reasonable to expect the school to be responsible for the child while they are in school and to notify the parents if they are not well enough to stay.

Anything else would be very unreasonable - who else is going to be responsible for the child's well being during the school day? Not all conditions are apparent/visible/diagnosable/present at the start of the school day - the parent will not know if their child has fallen ill or injured themselves since the start of the school day - and if the school are not responsible for noticing if a child is ill or injured whilst in their care, who is?

BarbarianMum · 25/11/2015 11:59

Do we know when the nurse took her temperature? If it was already midway through the afternoon session, they may not have called as hometime was approaching anyway.

AnyFucker · 25/11/2015 11:59

OP isn't getting a hard time for missing the fracture/abscess but for expecting us all to agree that the school was responsible for doing so and she and her husband were not.

Also there are some solutions for future predicaments here (and there will be if dd is only 7...) if op is willing to listen.

thelittleredhen · 25/11/2015 12:01

I don't think keeping her at home would be a good idea. Visiting school at lunch time or phoning them to remind them to give her medicine and then give it yourself at home time would be a better idea.

Make a complaint though. When you categorically said "do not let her do PE" and then they did, and she had a broken wrist - a complaint is in order, not keeping her off school.

Our school's policies are all online. If they are not online, email school (paper trail) and ask for them to forward it to you.

Shakey15000 · 25/11/2015 12:02

I get that she developed an abscess then prescribed antibiotics. It's at that point I would have kept her off.

tiggytape · 25/11/2015 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleBearPad · 25/11/2015 12:03

If she was in three doses of antibiotics then there was no real need for school to give them to her anyway. One at breakfast, one at picking up time, one at bedtime.

Whilst you are cross the school wasn't paying attention you don't seem to have either. Sorry.

NewLife4Me · 25/11/2015 12:04

SDTG

It doesn't sound like the child was too ill to be at school though, apart from the temperature and if this was late on, they may have waited until pick up time.

MerryMarigold · 25/11/2015 12:06

SDTG, that's a good post to balance. I agree with you, and have said that in most of these cases it was not really the parents' fault OR the school's fault. She is a quiet child who doesn't make a fuss, so a bit difficult for the school to know how bad she was. Looking a bit off colour is ok for a couple of hours after lunch. Other than the missed antibiotic dosage (although this was something that also could have been avoided by the parent by giving it herself at home).

It's the OP's desire to blame the school so much so that she is not sending her daughter in until it is resolved, that has everyone's backs up.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/11/2015 12:14

My point is that children's conditions can and do worsen/change during the day, and the schools are well able to spot that, and to take the appropriate action, so whether or not the OP was right to send her child in, if her child became ill during the school day, she should have been notified.

As I say, we are all being wise in hindsight

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