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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if my 4 year old wants me to take him to his classroom that shouldnt be a problem?

624 replies

firefly78 · 18/11/2015 09:06

he's 4 for goodness sake. he loves school and if he wants me to take him to his classroom door rather than go all the way in on his own i dont see why that's an issue. Teacher shouted over to him today saying "come on ds otherwise mummy will have to leave you at the gate". Its irrationally upset me. silly I know but i think they are still so little. Hes coped brilliantly with school, loves reading etc and we have just had a great report. he has an older sibling at school who runs in happily. Oh amd im most definitely not the only parent who does this. He ran in happily before half term cos they got a sticker but dont know so he doesn't see the point! i just think they are still little and i dont know why school tries to make them grow up so fast!!!

OP posts:
Toffeelatteplease · 18/11/2015 09:10

Because he can do it by himself. It is good for his independence. It's not growing up too fast, just growing up.

Flowers and Cake for you though.

AChickenCalledKorma · 18/11/2015 09:10

It might be an issue because other children haven't got their mummies there and get upset about that, or because there isn't much space in the cloakroom, or because it delays them getting on with their day. Not unusual for teachers to prefer parents to stay outside.

Honestly - if you want a happy relationship with his teacher, I would suggest listening to what she's telling you. It doesn't stop you saying goodbye - it just means you do it in the playground and he will cope just fine if he knows that is always what will happen.

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 18/11/2015 09:11

You said yourself he can do it by himself, why would you want more people in the corridors, in the way, delaying everything, just get out of the way.

PennyHasNoSurname · 18/11/2015 09:12

Well he is perfectly able to do it, he is choosing not to now, so I think you should back the school up on this.

DD is nearing four, and if she suddenly decided not to do this id reply "stop being silly, in you go, Mummys and Daddys have to stay outside".

Itd be different if he had just started and hated going in alone but he has proven he is capable. Give him a sticker at home yourself if needs be.

reni2 · 18/11/2015 09:13

I was glad when our school stopped the 60 reception parents all pile in with the kids, it used to be an absolute pain, confined space and 120 people.

Once the kids went alone, they were inside and ready in a minute, teachers could help the last stragglers. With parents, it took ages.

HumphreyCobblers · 18/11/2015 09:13

I do understand it seems like a minor issue to you, but the problem is often one of space. If everyone brought their children to the door it would be chaos. If your child was very distressed then I think maybe some leeway should be allowed, but otherwise a blanket rule is much easier.

JumpingJack56 · 18/11/2015 09:14

There is a difference between not being able to and not wanting to, your son is perfectly able to take himself down and if it's anything like my dc's school if all parents walked their children in to the classroom door it would be too packed in too small a space and cause mayhem.

Original poster
firefly78 · 18/11/2015 09:17

theres loads of space in the cloakroom and other parents are doing the same!!

OP posts:
Lostcat2 · 18/11/2015 09:17

Because if you do it others will too and there would be a safeguarding issue with lots of big people milling about the cloakroom while little people are trying to sort out book bags and boxes etc.

Then there would be sibling toddlers and push chairs causing havoc too.

Also it's not fair on those parents who arnt at try school gates.

He is clearly fine.

Not saying this is you op but as a child care prof it's amazing how some parents almost see it as a failure that their child isn't clinging into them at the gates. It's not it's great you have a confident happy little boy.

Don't be that parent! Smile

TheBunnyOfDoom · 18/11/2015 09:17

It's a question of space/practicality not making them to grow up too quickly! 60 reception children, 60 parents, any younger siblings (and buggies etc) plus teachers and TA's. That's a LOT of people to squeeze into a couple of small primary classrooms.

You can't expect to take him into his classroom beyond maybe the first week or two. It would be absolute mayhem!

Original poster
firefly78 · 18/11/2015 09:18

he is distressed. oh but maybe you are all right and i do baby him a bit. will get him to go in on his own again tomorrow. there are only 16 children in his class mind so not hundreds of parents!!

OP posts:
hotdog74 · 18/11/2015 09:20

My DD is in reception and this is problem here. There is very little room in the cloakroom area before you enter the classroom so my DD goes in by herself but then wants me to go in with her when she sees other parents taking their children in. There simply isn't enough room for every parent to do this and it causes issues for parents sending their children in unaccompanied when some parents insist on taking their children in when they are quite capable of going in on their own.
So I'm afraid that I am with the teacher on this one and wish my DDs teacher would be similarly hard line. Sorry!

TwoSmellyDogs · 18/11/2015 09:21

It's probably not a good idea to reinforce his belief that there's no point in running in now because he doesn't get a sticker! That way entitlement lies.

He'll be fine - these issues are all yours and whilst understandable you need to work on letting go a bit. They DO grow up so it's up to you to make it easy for him.

Original poster
firefly78 · 18/11/2015 09:21

ok holding my hands up and realising im totally in the wrong! its hard to let go of your youngest though isnt it. I wasn't remotely like this with my DD!!

OP posts:
reni2 · 18/11/2015 09:21

I have unpleasant memories of kids being shoved out of the way by over-eager parents, teachers lambasted with instructions how to treat some pfb, parents having long social chit chats clogging the way and endless good byes at the door. Quite a few kids started crying 5 minutes into a needless wave and air-kiss routine.

The kids can do it, the parents struggle, so best let the kids get on with it.

Original poster
firefly78 · 18/11/2015 09:22

oh i dont reinforce his belief that theres no point running in! although i guess i am by my actions arent I?!!

OP posts:
reni2 · 18/11/2015 09:22

And yes, it is hard, but only for us, not for them.

JumpingJack56 · 18/11/2015 09:22

I know it's hard when they are upset, my eldest has asd and used to literally be clinging to me at drop off, to the point were I had to peel her off me and hand her to the TA whilst she screamed and tried coming back to me (and then I'd be the one in the playground walking out in tears) but prolonging the goodbye for them doesn't help in the long run and it does make it harder if all the parents go in for the teachers to et everyone be settled and start the day.

DeltaSunrise · 18/11/2015 09:24

YANBU That's so sad. 4 is still so little.

Fine if he wants to go in by himself but I see no harm in having you walk him to the door if that's what he wants.

At our school, parents are welcome into the classroom. School starts at 8.45 but classes are open from 8.30 so parents are in and out, reading stories, looking at work, having chats with the teachers. It's lovely and there's never a problem with crowding or mayhem.

My ds is 6. I probably take him right into the classroom twice a week because he has something he wants to show me.

I wouldn't choose a school for my dc that banished parents from the classrooms.

dementedpixie · 18/11/2015 09:24

We're not even allowed in the playground never mind the school building!

Athrawes · 18/11/2015 09:28

Bollocks to that. He's my child, if I want to stay all day I will!

Satsunday · 18/11/2015 09:29

I don't think you're totally in the wrong at all! Certainly not in how you feel anyway, 4 is still very young (too young even to be starting school imo but that's a whole other debate :) )

Satsunday · 18/11/2015 09:30

Totally agree with delta and athrawes

BeanGirls · 18/11/2015 09:32

It's because if all the children did this then there would be mayhem in the morning. It's calmer and more productive for all of the children. They are growing up whether you like it or not and you should encourage your ds to walk in by himself. It's better for him in the long term. So Yabu sorry.

Felyne · 18/11/2015 09:34

Delta Sunrise, my DD's school does the same. Reception parents go into the classroom and help settle their child. It is lovely, the teacher and TAs are there to talk to parents if you want to, you can see what the kids are doing in their classroom and you feel actually involved in your child's learning (well I did). She's Y1 this year, parents don't go in, kids are dropped at class door. I miss it! It's a small one-form infant school though, I get why larger schools might have to operate differently.