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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if my 4 year old wants me to take him to his classroom that shouldnt be a problem?

624 replies

firefly78 · 18/11/2015 09:06

he's 4 for goodness sake. he loves school and if he wants me to take him to his classroom door rather than go all the way in on his own i dont see why that's an issue. Teacher shouted over to him today saying "come on ds otherwise mummy will have to leave you at the gate". Its irrationally upset me. silly I know but i think they are still so little. Hes coped brilliantly with school, loves reading etc and we have just had a great report. he has an older sibling at school who runs in happily. Oh amd im most definitely not the only parent who does this. He ran in happily before half term cos they got a sticker but dont know so he doesn't see the point! i just think they are still little and i dont know why school tries to make them grow up so fast!!!

OP posts:
TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 13:28

Kids are all different, they're ready for things at different ages. If a child isn't ready at 4, there's nothing wrong with them having their mum there.

Can't stand this all the same one size for everyone bollocks

HSMMaCM · 18/11/2015 13:28

DD had to go into school on her own as I couldn't take a double buggy in. She complained that another parent was shouting at her in the cloakroom. I raised it with the school and they spied kept an eye open and DD was completely correct. All parents were banned from the cloakroom the next day onwards and DD went into school much happier. Please spare a thought for the children who have to go in alone.

The children were (generally) so much happier going in without their parents, that parents have only been allowed for the first two weeks of reception since then. If a child has a particular need to take a parent in, they can.

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 13:29

Lol so instead of ban the culprit ban everyone. That makes so much sense doesn't it.

Zippidydoodah · 18/11/2015 13:30

Ok have caught up now!

The nursery who told your dd that she was stupid for crying- Shock No wonder she only went there briefly. That's a hideous way to treat a little one, and as a op has said, no good school or nursery would be like this. In fact, I changed my own dd's nirsery as she was told not to cry as she would wake the babies up Sad sounds like you have had a bad experience; not all places are like this! You can't be a good teacher of small children without being gentle and caring towards them.

Lostcat2 · 18/11/2015 13:31

Laughing my socks off at posters who think they can stay all day in a school!

Er have you ever heard of safeguarding proceedures?

As a cm I can't allow parents to be alone in the playroom for a second if other children are there.

Seriously if you are so lax with your attitude to protecting children you really need to wise up. You seem to think 'parents' don't abuse.

I can assure you a parent insisting in staying all day in a school would be told to go and at the same time be regarded with deep suspicion.

If a parent insisted on staying in my setting I wouldn't sign a contract with them as I would be afraid of their motives.

Sirzy · 18/11/2015 13:32

Tali even if the parent hanging around causes distress for the other children?

If a parent has so little trust in the school that they don't think their child will be cared for then either home school or find another school,

Zippidydoodah · 18/11/2015 13:33

It's just laughable, really. Poor child who has his mummy crouched on a tiny plastic chair next to him all day!! Ffs. Grin

budgiegirl · 18/11/2015 13:33

No point crying if there is noone there who gives a crap?

My DD went to nursery (briefly) and constantly got told not to cry, that she was stupid for crying, that she could just sit in the corner and not join in the games if she wouldn't stop crying

IceBeing - If that's truly your DDs experience, then that's shocking, and you should have reported this to the nursery manager.

But I think it's unlikely that there are many teachers that don't care, and just because a parent can't go to the classroom, it doesn't mean that the teachers don't give a crap. It probably means that in their experience, this is best for the children.

yummumto3girls · 18/11/2015 13:35

I'm with OP, 4 is young! We are "encouraged" to leave ours at the school gate, which requires a very small child to then walk through two very busy playgrounds around to the back of the building. My DD is yr 1 now, but during reception I use to walk her around to the classroom door to say goodbye, she now walks in on her own. OP do what you feel best, I accept going inside causes problems but if you don't want to leave him at the gate then don't feel forced to. I know it's hard letting go!Flowers

NewLife4Me · 18/11/2015 13:35

State education is one fit all system so you can't have one doing one thing and another doing something different.
Ther may be some who don't like this approach or believe it's the best way, but unfortunately it's what you sign up for with a state education.
There are rules, policies and procedures set out to protect children amongst other things.
I know some schools where even at Reception age you drop off at the gate and only with appointment do you get through.

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 13:36

Sirzy I'm not prepared to have my child distressed over others. That's incredibly selfish but DS comes first, and I'm pretty sure any parent thinks the same.

Zippidydoodah · 18/11/2015 13:36

Imagine being five and having something you've been DYING to tell your teacher since last night! But you can't even get close because the room is full of parents and buggies and toddlers. Then you can't conventrate all morning because you really REALLY want to tell your teacher, but it's not time as its maths/literacy/whatever.........

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 13:36

State education is one fit all system so you can't have one doing one thing and another doing something else

And that's the problem with it. It's not tailored to the individual.

Zippidydoodah · 18/11/2015 13:37

Oh my god, tali! What a disgusting attitude!

Zippidydoodah · 18/11/2015 13:38

I mean re: other children being upset. You are right that one size doesn't fit all. Schools have been trying to tailor the curriculum to individuals for years, but unfortunately the pressure from the government for each child to tick each box, makes this almost impossible. It is sad.

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 13:39

Zippidy that I prioritise DS over other kids? Of course I do. That's not to say Id want others to be upset or to cause distress but I'll always do what I can to provide the best for him.

Dawndonnaagain · 18/11/2015 13:39

I think this is more about parents needing to be needed by their baby than it is about the child not being comfortable going into class alone.
Depends on the child, they may have additional needs. I go with some days with 19 year old dts. Depends on how they are feeling. I didn't get to come home today until about an hour ago.

Dawndonnaagain · 18/11/2015 13:40

apologies, that's an abominable sentence up there!

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 13:40

Zippidy I agree about the government. It's not teachers fault, the goverenmebt are ruining education with their target driven agenda

Lostcat2 · 18/11/2015 13:41

It's as tailored as a good school can get but you seriously must see that each parent can't just ignore policies in place to protect all the kids in favour of one.

Seriously some here don't seem to understand that local
Authorities and Ofsted have safeguarding policies that haveto be adhered to by the school or they can close them down.

budgiegirl · 18/11/2015 13:43

And that's the problem with it. It's not tailored to the individual

With classes of 30 with one teacher and one TA, it would be impossible for education to be completely tailored to the individual. Teachers have a very difficult job as it is, and while education can be a bit flexible - teaching in 'sets' to ability and so on, it's never going to be completely individual.

For that to happen, you would need to find a small private school that fits your childs needs, tutor, or home educate.

Sirzy · 18/11/2015 13:43

But realistically tali hovering over a child isn't going to be doing the best for him. You can't stay by his side forever can you, one day you have to leave!

I go in with ds occasionally as he has extra needs so sometimes I need to talk to his TA but 9 times out of 10 he goes in alone because that way he has learnt that is the norm in school and if he has problems the adults there - who are fantastic - will help.

Lostcat2 · 18/11/2015 13:44

Dawn kids with additional needs are usually treated according to their specific needs though.

There's no additional needs here in the op.

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 13:44

I think it's depressing that policies would stop a loving parent comforting their distressed child.

Sirzy · 18/11/2015 13:45

But tali the staff in the school can comfort the child. They don't need mummy hovering all day as long as they have someone in school who cares.