to think if my 4 year old wants me to take him to his classroom that shouldnt be a problem?

[firefly78]

he's 4 for goodness sake. he loves school and if he wants me to take him to his classroom door rather than go all the way in on his own i dont see why that's an issue. Teacher shouted over to him today saying "come on ds otherwise mummy will have to leave you at the gate". Its irrationally upset me. silly I know but i think they are still so little. Hes coped brilliantly with school, loves reading etc and we have just had a great report. he has an older sibling at school who runs in happily. Oh amd im most definitely not the only parent who does this. He ran in happily before half term cos they got a sticker but dont know so he doesn't see the point! i just think they are still little and i dont know why school tries to make them grow up so fast!!!

Sorry I'm with the school, it got ridiculous at our school when parents were allowed to enter the classroom. A crowded, busy classroom full of adults can be very unnerving for children, it is also very isolating especially if their own parents are not there.Perhaps you could request the help of a teaching assistant to escort your child in.Id also be very aware that children can feed off adults insecurities.

I'm with you OP. 4 is so little and I certainly wouldn't leave DS at the gate if he didn't want me to

school at the age of 4 is ALL about training kids to follow arbitrary rules.

I completely understand why schools are forcing kids to grow up fast and follow arbitrary rules...what I REALLY REALLY don't understand is why we are sending kids to school at 4.

In our area we don't allow parents in. Schools are secure buildings, teachers 'police' the doors, once the pupils are in the doors are locked. This is for everyone's safety. There is no need for parents to be in. God forbid there should be an attack within a school. We do this to minimise the chances of this, or of an estranged parent taking their child etc.

The teacher sounds mean. Why would she say to an upset child "do this or tomorrow I will make it worse for you"? What a cowbag!

Don't beat yourself up OP, of course you want your DS to start his day happy, but I guess you have to respect the wishes of the school.

DD's school has 60 children altogether in KS1 and all the parents are encouraged to go in and settle the children. I love it because it means I get to wave a cheery hello to the class teacher who is always more than happy to do the same. But DD's school is in a small village where the teachers have often taught older siblings and know all the families (Mums) well. It has very much a family feel to the whole place.

Having said that, when DD goes into Y3 next year, unless I have reason to be concerned, I'm hoping she may go into school on her own... Most parents go into school right up to Y6 though, it's like a social outing!!

IIRC we were never allowed to go down to the classroom ever and certainly weren't allowed to talk to teachers/TAs in the morning, but were allowed to help in the cloakroom down the corridor until October Half Term. After that we were not allowed past the gate and it was policed by the HT very strictly.

at our school when the children are in nursery you take them in. it was a right pain thats 60 small children. and at least 60 adults. big people bending over to do their kids coats. and their bums in the way and people just blocking the way and cant get into the class room. adult knocking into small kids. it was a madness.

by reception the kids are left at the gate and they go into the playground where there are staff. so much better

I don't get the teacher's comment tbh.

Sounds like a threat!

Why couldn't she just say to OP, "we find it easier if you don't come in/to the door?"

If there's enough place, the kids aren't upset & lessons start on time, I can't see the problem with it every so often.

Our school doesn't allow parents inside the building. The first bell rings and they line up. The second bell rings and they file inside with a teacher. We never even see the cloakroom, and it is not necessary.

I am so glad we have it that way.

ha yeah - NEWS FLASH, teachers are overly authoritarian, use threats to manage behaviour, schools make arbitrary rules, individual needs of kids not considered....oh and 4 yo children are really little and find it hard to deal with school.

Given all of the above is utterly obvious and happens all the time, day in day out, year after year...I ask again: why are we sending 4 yo to school?

Civilised places with better literacy and numeracy rates than the UK don't do this on the basis that formal education is detrimental to children's education if it starts too early....

Some of these schools sound like prisons.

Parents not allowed on the school grounds at all? Doors "policed" strictly to stop parents walking their own children in.....

Christ, our school doesn't even have a fence around it.

YABU because he has already proved that he can do it, he just doesn't want to. It's really hard to leave your child, but it's probably more upsetting for you than it is for him!

It is a bit odd though that other parents are allowed to the classroom. Is that because their DC haven't yet managed it on their own? Maybe the teacher is keen that your DS doesn't take a step backwards as he has already managed it.

From my experience (teacher), parents coming in = stress. Children whose parents have gone, want to talk to me/show me their homework/new haircut etc. Responding to them should take priority, to settle them in for the day. When you have a gaggle of parents having a chat, or asking for lost jumpers/water bottles etc, the day doesn't start smoothly. We had repeat offenders (a 15 minute chat about a lost jumper?) who would sometimes still be lingering until I had the children on the carpet for register.

If all parents stay outside, then everyone's day starts in the same way.

I know you have said you'll try and get him to go in alone, op. But to the arrogant poster who said "he's my child, I'll stay there all day if I want", have you considered home ed?

yup all arrogant people should home ed....thats the only answer if you care about your kids stress level more than the teachers....

Or we might consider how many of these problems would cease to exist altogether if the children weren't only 4 yo.

teachers are overly authoritarian, use threats to manage behaviour, schools make arbitrary rules, individual needs of kids not considered

To be fair, although our primary school does not allow parents to take children to the classroom past the first couple of weeks of reception (unless you have a specific reason to talk to the teacher), I have never found the teachers to be any of the above.

And you don't have to send you child to school at the age of 4, it is not compulsory.

I agrees with you Delta, they do sound like prisons. P

I have worked in YR classes for years, I'm so glad I worked with kind teachers who put the children first. I've never worked in a YR class that didn't allow the parents into the classroom. Mostly the room was open 10 mins before the start of the day so there was a staggered time for the children and parents to come in- no overcrowding at all. If a child was upset at the parents leaving they got reassurance and a cuddle- not a threat from the teacher! Makes my blood boil that 4 year olds are being treated like this everyday!

budgiegirl "And you don't have to send you child to school at the age of 4, it is not compulsory" well up until very recently parents had very little choice did they? If you didn't send them in at 4 they had to go straight into Y1, so it was a bit of a ridiculous "choice".

no you don't HAVE to send your kid to school at 4....you don't HAVE to send them at all.

But most people do...because our compulsory age is 5. Move that to 7 and suddenly you don't have the problems of kids who are stressed out by parents not being there, kids that haven't quite toilet trained, kids who can't quite dress/undress themselves, kids who can't quite deal with choosing their own food and feeding themselves, kids who can't quite deal with reading yet having phonics force-fed them, kids who can't quite get maths yet having fucking number bonds drummed into them.

If we shifted the compulsory age to 7 we might end up with adults who actually LIKED maths and reading, rather than were grudgingly functional in both most of the time.

"If we shifted the compulsory age to 7 we might end up with adults who actually LIKED maths and reading, rather than were grudgingly functional in both most of the time."

But that would just being sensible and following those countries who have a better educated population. Why would we want to do that?

They don't start until 5 in Scotland, plus we have the awful memory of Dunblane here (after which our schools were secured). We have had parents high on drugs/alcohol trying to get into our building to 'take their child'. We're glad of secure schools. For pupils who really can't cope (as opposed to parents), we have the option of them coming in quietly through the main door away from the hubbub. 99% of children don't need this, they manage fine (with a little help hanging up coats/changing shoes).

bakeoff I agree that it's not ideal, but if your child is desperately unhappy at school at 4, or is just not ready, then it is at least an option.

Reception year really is just an extended form of playgroup/early years education, all about learning through play, and learning to be at school and how it all works.

Sometimes, for many children, a quick kiss and goodbye at the gate is best, even if they get upset. The vast majority will be absolutely fine 5 minutes later. Long drawn out goodbyes, clinging to mummy for 15 minutes, is often far worse, both for the child concerned and the other children, not to mention the parent !

I've been that child getting upset (it was much better once the teacher told my mum just to go).

I really like the way our school does it for Reception children.

The parents take them as far as the outside of the classroom where the teachers greet the child and the parents and pass the time of day.

They have boxes to put their bags in and their drinking bottles (they feel really grown-up knowing what to do). Then the parents say good-bye and they go off into the cloakroom where a TA keeps her eye on the coat hanging-up.

It's nowhere near as time-consuming as it sounds and gets the day off to a really nice start with courtesy mixed in with a bit of independance.

Ps none of this makes me an 'unkind' teacher. I'm actually a very gentle/huggy teacher, but pupil safety comes first and trumps the need of a parent who has difficulty separating in the morning, or who believes that their child's (unlabelled) lost glove trumps the importance of me getting my class settled quickly and calmly in the morning.

"Sometimes a quick kiss at the gate is best"

Yes sometimes it is best and sometimes it isn't! That's the whole point! Schools should take into consideration that tow YR children can be poles apart emotionally and they should take that into consideration when planning the day. In fact it is their duty to do that. Some 4 year olds need a parent to take them into the classroom. What is wrong with accomodationing that if it means the child has a happy start to a very long day?