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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if my 4 year old wants me to take him to his classroom that shouldnt be a problem?

624 replies

firefly78 · 18/11/2015 09:06

he's 4 for goodness sake. he loves school and if he wants me to take him to his classroom door rather than go all the way in on his own i dont see why that's an issue. Teacher shouted over to him today saying "come on ds otherwise mummy will have to leave you at the gate". Its irrationally upset me. silly I know but i think they are still so little. Hes coped brilliantly with school, loves reading etc and we have just had a great report. he has an older sibling at school who runs in happily. Oh amd im most definitely not the only parent who does this. He ran in happily before half term cos they got a sticker but dont know so he doesn't see the point! i just think they are still little and i dont know why school tries to make them grow up so fast!!!

OP posts:
witsender · 18/11/2015 12:16

I'd be pretty saddened by that tbh. One of the things we loved about our school was how nurturing they are, including treating 4 yr olds like 4 yr old. They're practically babies! They encourage us to come into class and settle them, work though a task with them etc, she has just moved into Yr 1. I thin in Yr 2 they can leave them at the door, but parents are welcome in any time. This maybe because it is a small, one form entry school, but I wouldn't have chosen one that didn't have this attitude.

fusionconfusion · 18/11/2015 12:19

Icebeing, I was saying that it disadvantages already disadvantaged children when they start young and their middle-class, more advantaged children start at the same time as them but up to two years older as can happen in Ireland.

My niece has a March birthday. She started school at 5 years and 5 months. There are children who started in her class on the same day who were barely four. Technically you can have a child of 4 and a child of 6 starting in the same class at the same time in this set up. That disadvantages the four year old, who are often coming from already disadvantaged backgrounds.

babybarrister · 18/11/2015 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IceBeing · 18/11/2015 12:25

fusion yup i got that - but people also cite this about the scotland system were you can choose to defer...it is always the better off that do so. It implies an advantage in deferring in general.

We could get over all this shit by letting people repeat years of course....not clear to me why all kids who have done say 3 years in formal education are expected to have reached the same point. That idea doesn't match up with anything I know about child development or any of the reality of what happens to kids in schools.

witsender · 18/11/2015 12:29

My daughter was 4 and 10 days when she started. There were kids turning 6 the first week there! At their age it makes a big difference.

IceBeing · 18/11/2015 12:32

baby Yes that is indeed a VERY important milestone...I remember thinking when DD was born that the most important thing is that she should by age 4 be willing able and confident to go into a room full of strangers without her parents help.

I mean how will she ever get a job or a life or a significant other if she can't do that aged 4?

Total BS.

reni2 · 18/11/2015 12:39

Ours went from lots of tears and tantrums with parents by the classroom door to no tears and tantrums without parents.

I think this is more about parents needing to be needed by their baby than it is about the child not being comfortable going into class alone.

IceBeing · 18/11/2015 12:45

maybe...or maybe kids hide their emotions when their parents aren't there.

No point crying if there is noone there who gives a crap?

My DD went to nursery (briefly) and constantly got told not to cry, that she was stupid for crying, that she could just sit in the corner and not join in the games if she wouldn't stop crying.

She was crying because she was three and her parents weren't around. It wasn't unreasonable to cry and crying is a very useful process for reducing stress and helping you adapt to a new situation.

A lack of crying isn't actually a good thing when it comes to small children and stressful situations.

reni2 · 18/11/2015 12:48

But who says they were stressed? A quick goo-bye is good, then the exciting day can begin before they had a chance to see upset mummy and be worried about her upset.

IceBeing · 18/11/2015 12:51

who says they aren't stressed?

In a class of 30 odd some will be some won't be.

Is it a good idea to assume they all aren't and tell them to get over it and stop crying like babies?

I don't think so.

reni2 · 18/11/2015 12:57

Our school gets the upset ones to help with the register, hand out pencils or feed the class fish, works a treat.

Nobody said "stop crying like babies", but I can't see a good teacher in a good school do that. I'd worry about that sort of school, too, not because they don't want 30 mums muscling their way into the classroom, but because they lack the caring element.

reni2 · 18/11/2015 13:02

30 mums 30 parents

Sirzy · 18/11/2015 13:04

There is a middle ground between telling them not to be babies and allowing parents into class and to stay for as long as they want/need though.

Realistically for a lot of children having a drawn out goodbye will make things harder when the parents have to go. At our school the teacher/TA will happily help any distressed children into class and look after them. After the first few weeks most children were happily running in when the door opens. Some get upset occasionally but the staff happily deal with it as it is their job.

longingforfun · 18/11/2015 13:06

Bollocks to that. He's my child, if I want to stay all day I will! ShockShock

Athrawes, what a dreadful attitude. Home school if you feel like that.

Sallystyle · 18/11/2015 13:13

We have to take our children into the classroom until they are in middle school- so aged 7.

I would be more than happy to drop off my 6 year old at the gates but for some reason that is frowned upon. The classroom gets so crowded in the mornings. My husband has social anxiety and he takes them in the mornings most of the time and he used to drop her at the door and go home, but the teachers didn't like it. It was mentioned to me one parents evening about how they didn't really like him 'running off'.

I don't think YABU. 4 is so little and I understand you wanting to go in.

CreepingDogFart · 18/11/2015 13:14

:Athrawes: you would need to be DBS cleared and also have an actual purpose for being there other being a helicopter parent. Which you don't. Off you fuck!

Zippidydoodah · 18/11/2015 13:14

IceBeing, I have yet to read the rest of the thread but wanted to reply to you: stress for the children also figures. The longer you hang around, quite often the longer it takes your precious child to settle, especially if they've come in upset.

This is definitely the case for my own three children. Bright and breezy goodbyes are the way to do it.

reni2 · 18/11/2015 13:18

I also saw a parent searching all school bags for their own kid's lost school jumper, she would probably have checked all the kids too had the teacher not intervened. She had to wait outside with all the rest after October HT, which was lovely, no more worries about her rummaging.

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 13:21

Bollocks to that. He's my child, if I want to stay all day I will!

I'm with this tbh, I know my child best and all kids are different.

wiltingfast · 18/11/2015 13:23

Well all I can say is that our school has no issue with parents walking the children to their class and indeed right up to their desk in the morning.

Haven't heard it mentioned at all one way or the other.

Amazingly, you rarely see any child distressed. OP YANU.

reni2 · 18/11/2015 13:23

You won't stay though, there would be child protection issues about a random parent staying, they'd need a chaperone. You'd have to home-educate.

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 13:25

I'm DBS checked

TaliZorah · 18/11/2015 13:26

wilting your school sounds lovely!

Sirzy · 18/11/2015 13:26

And how on earth would staying all day, or even for an extended period of time, help anyone. other than the parents insecurities

Sirzy · 18/11/2015 13:27

Wilting our school doesn't let parents in unless it's really needed but you rarely see distressed children there either!