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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to spend some time with my young DC on Christmas Day?

175 replies

Tazmanic · 08/11/2015 13:43

For wanting to spend some time with my Children on Christmas Day ?

Every Christmas , DH , our 3 DC and I drive an hour away to my parents house for lunch.

We then drive 30 minutes from my parents to his parents for a buffet supper.

We then drive 45 mins back to home .

I'm a bit fed up of it . We spend the day driving to everyone else - we leave in the morning , and get back at night by which point the DC are exhausted and go straight to bed .

This year I want to spend some time back at home with my DC snuggled up with a Christmas film and playing with their new toys .

So I've said to my parents that we will come for lunch as usual but we will be leaving earlier to go to DH parents . No problems .

We then told DH parents that we will still be visiting as usual , but we won't be staying for supper . We've said we want to get back home earlier to spend some time together .

This apparently is very selfish of me as they wont get very long with the DGC . They'll get about 1.5 hours before we set off for home .

They see the DGC every week, however they are not happy with 1.5 hours as its Christmas .

That's my point too though - it's Christmas and we spend it at their house with no time to ourselves as a family .

I just want to keep everyone happy but also spend some time with my DC . We are usually so busy and I work full time so I want to make the most of our time off together.

But I feel bad now .

AIBU ? AIB selfish ?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 08/11/2015 13:45

Have your own family Christmas at home. Cook your own lunch....be at home all day with your DC....
Invite them all over for supper?

Just a thought

LucyMouse · 08/11/2015 13:45

No of course not, it's only natural to want to spend the day at home with your young family.
Could you host either set of parents next year instead?

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 08/11/2015 13:47

Why can they not come over to you? Or can't you make arrangements to have a 'christmas' day with them on boxing day or christmas eve.

I seriously couldn't be fucked with all that driving and visiting. If they want to see their dgc they can do the running around imo.

frazmum · 08/11/2015 13:49

After one Xmas of going between 3 sets of parents (mine are divorced) DH & I said that's enough. The kids are dragged away from their parents and spending too much time in the car. Why should adults get preference. Be honest & say the kids are missing out.

Original poster
Tazmanic · 08/11/2015 13:49

I've offered to have DH parents here , but I won't be able make a buffet for them , so they declined .

OP posts:
ChoudeBruxelles · 08/11/2015 13:50

Tough luck for gps. I've always insisted on spending Christmas at home since we had ds. Parents /in laws welcome to come here but we don't traipse about.

frazmum · 08/11/2015 13:50

Dragged away from 'presents' not parents.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 08/11/2015 13:51

I've offered to have DH parents here , but I won't be able make a buffet for them , so they declined .

Then it's their own fault, they are being awkward for the sake of it and you are picking up the slack.

ImperialBlether · 08/11/2015 13:52

Why can't you do a buffet for them?

scarlets · 08/11/2015 13:53

That's a hectic day. I'd be inclined to visit ILs on Christmas Eve instead. You can stay for a few hours then.

The problem with hosting it for everyone is that you and OH will be just as busy with prep and entertaining, and then cleaning up, as you would've been with all the driving.

FannyFanakapan · 08/11/2015 13:53

Id agree that Christmas should be about the kids and them all playing with their new toys at home. I'd be not going to your parents either. Show no favouritism. Invite both sets of parents for boxing day - their choice.

It always amazes me that its further for them to travel to me, than for me to travel to them.

Only1scoop · 08/11/2015 13:53

Why can't you feed them a few nibbles if they visit ?

scarlets · 08/11/2015 13:54

Just seen the buffet comment. They sound self-centred!

HelenaJustina · 08/11/2015 13:54

We instigated very early that we would be at home with the DC, if people wish to drop in, they are made v welcome but I'm not spending the day dragging 4 children from pillar to post.

My MIL (widowed) usually chooses to spend part of the day with us, and we go to my parents on Boxing Day afternoon. Fortunately for us both sets are very local.

I would gently point out to your in-laws that their inflexibility is making the day less enjoyable for your DC. Suggest 'we try something new this year, of course if it doesn't work we'll return to normal next year'. Do Christmas Eve with one set and Boxing Day with the other so that neither feels you are playing favourites on Christmas Day itself.

rudolphistheboss · 08/11/2015 13:55

Your plan sounds more than fair. My favourite Christmas as an adult so far has been the one where I realised I was an adult, visited just who I wanted to and was home for the afternoon and evening with my children and dh. My best friend and her wife and dc popped round in the evening for an hour. It was bliss.

If they're so worried about missing out could you invite them for a boxing day supper party? You could tell them you want to make Christmas last longer for the dcs

FloatIsRechargedNow · 08/11/2015 13:56

Don't go anywhere - if any GPs really need the Xmas Day experience they can come to yours. Your idea of Xmas with your dc sounds lovely.
Just to reinforce your point - were either you or DH dragged around to 2 sets of GPs for Xmas Day when you were kids? Boxing Day is the day for that I think.

blueandgreendots · 08/11/2015 13:56

Since we moved north last year our in laws are 80 miles away and my parents are over 200 miles away. Christmas will always be in our home for DD and new baby when it arrives next Spring. My childhood Christmases were always at home and I've lots of happy memories. Grandparents are welcome to visit, though

Pipestheghost · 08/11/2015 13:58

Why can't you make a buffet Confused

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 08/11/2015 13:58

Urgh! Sounds like my idea of hell! Not nice for the kids either! They don't get a chance to enjoy what presents they have received.

I'm not sure how we'd work it in your situation. We live 3 hours away from both sets so we visit pil for a a few days before christmas, spend christmas at home and then spend new year with my dp.

I guess if they lived closer we'd visit ine on the eve and one on boxing day. Or invite them round to us on the day x

EssentialHummus · 08/11/2015 13:58

FFS, another of these threads.

Given that you are visiting them, it seems reasonable enough not to have to stay for supper. Possibly alternate them/you each year?

Sunnyminimalist2 · 08/11/2015 14:00

Offer to do lunch at yours

LittleBearPad · 08/11/2015 14:01

Stay at home and invite both sets of parents to yours. If they come, they come. If they don't that's their choice.

I'm a bit befuddled that you can't do a buffet. It's not tricky.

Seeyounearertime · 08/11/2015 14:03

I'd tell em balls personally.

I wouldn't drag my LO out on Xmas day, if people want to see her and us then they can come to us.

Bit I have vivid memories of my younger xms days being rushed and hectic. No time to play with gifts, relax and have fun. Always having to go to someone's house, to people I don't know, sit on an uncomfortable chair in a hot room and eating slightly curly sandwiches. Fake smiles and chep presents everywhere. Urgh. Not putting my LO through that, its her day, not mine.

JustWantToBeDorisAgain · 08/11/2015 14:05

I would see your parents on Christmas Eve and IL's Boxing Day ( or vice versa). I would say why do you always get to have lunch with your parents?

Take the stress out of Christmas Day and make the festivities last longer and more relaxing.

tibbawyrots · 08/11/2015 14:06

Children want to play with their new toys on Christmas Day, not drive around rellies!

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