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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to spend some time with my young DC on Christmas Day?

175 replies

Tazmanic · 08/11/2015 13:43

For wanting to spend some time with my Children on Christmas Day ?

Every Christmas , DH , our 3 DC and I drive an hour away to my parents house for lunch.

We then drive 30 minutes from my parents to his parents for a buffet supper.

We then drive 45 mins back to home .

I'm a bit fed up of it . We spend the day driving to everyone else - we leave in the morning , and get back at night by which point the DC are exhausted and go straight to bed .

This year I want to spend some time back at home with my DC snuggled up with a Christmas film and playing with their new toys .

So I've said to my parents that we will come for lunch as usual but we will be leaving earlier to go to DH parents . No problems .

We then told DH parents that we will still be visiting as usual , but we won't be staying for supper . We've said we want to get back home earlier to spend some time together .

This apparently is very selfish of me as they wont get very long with the DGC . They'll get about 1.5 hours before we set off for home .

They see the DGC every week, however they are not happy with 1.5 hours as its Christmas .

That's my point too though - it's Christmas and we spend it at their house with no time to ourselves as a family .

I just want to keep everyone happy but also spend some time with my DC . We are usually so busy and I work full time so I want to make the most of our time off together.

But I feel bad now .

AIBU ? AIB selfish ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tazmanic · 08/11/2015 14:08

I can't do the buffet here as I simply won't have the time . And as a pp pointed out , I'd spend the time I want to spend with my DC , prepping food .

My parents won't come to us as they host others . Our house is tiny so we wouldn't be able to fit everyone in .

I could put out some nibbles , but they declined as soon as I said I wouldn't have time to make a buffet .

OP posts:
clam · 08/11/2015 14:09

So, it's selfish of you, but not of them? Confused

KatharineClifton · 08/11/2015 14:10

Stop all that now! I opted out of family arrangements when mine were quite small. We enjoy the day at home, usually in our pj's. This year is going to be different because I shall probably be rota'd on at work, but it's been fab for years. Put your foot down! We do family on Boxing Day.

megletthesecond · 08/11/2015 14:12

Yanbu. Stay at home and start your own traditions.

I'm a LP and decided it was actually far nicer to stay at home with the dc's than drive to relatives on Xmas day. I think people were a little miffed the first year but the dc's seem so much happier being able to mooch about and play all day. Less stress for me too.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 08/11/2015 14:15

Yanbu

If they want more time then suggest they visit you on Christmas Eve or boxing day

It's not like you're refusing to visit at all (which you're also entitled to do), they are being childish about it

Pengweng · 08/11/2015 14:15

Ooh stop it now. I spent my childhood being dragged to my Aunties house for Christmas lunch. We had to leave at 10am to get there and spent all day there, lunch and buffet dinner. I hated it, especially as on Boxing day we had to do the same thing all over again but go to my Nanas house for yet another christmas dinner and buffet. I hated not being able to play with my toys, having to get dressed up and be on my "best" behaviour. The DT's are only 3 but i have said that as they get older we will be staying home and people are welcome to come visit us and stay if they like but I won't be dragging them all over the place. It's just no fun for anyone.

Only1scoop · 08/11/2015 14:18

All sounds ridiculous to be honest.

Why not take control of your own family Christmas....cook your own lunch.....and let's face it whipping up a chessboard between you both and presumably you will eat supper also?

Or carry on martyring on with the current arrangement.

Surely you waste more time driving around anyway.

Original poster
Tazmanic · 08/11/2015 14:18

We can't see either families Christmas Eve or Boxing Day as they have their own plans .

I feel we are being fair , they are only getting an hour less than usual , but DH parents have well and truly thrown their toys out the pram .

And I feel bad about it Confused

OP posts:
Inertia · 08/11/2015 14:20

YANBU.

They can come to you and accept whatever your Christmas lunch/ tea arrangements are, or see you another time - Boxing Day, foe example. Start prioritising your children!

Your buffet doesn't have to be the same as theirs BTW- you/ your DH could spend 5 minutes putting some leftover turkey, crackers, cheese, and a bag of salad on the table- job done.

Look at it this way- they are mithering you about how important it is to see their grandchildren, but the grandchildren are not important enough for either set of parents to make any minor changes to their own traditions or go to any inconvenience themselves.

shrunkenhead · 08/11/2015 14:21

Why can't you make a buffet??

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/11/2015 14:22

i was going to suggest you order in buffet food (M&S or similar), but actually, sod it. It is not a legal requirement to have a buffet on Christmas Day, and, though they clearly would not believe it, your PIL will not expire on the spot if they don't get to eat buffet food on Christmas Day.

Have a wonderful Christmas at home with your family - cook Christmas Dinner (with all the things your family love), make some memories that don't involve hour upon hour in the car, drink hot chocolate, play board games and watch bad Christmas TV - it will be wonderful.

shrunkenhead · 08/11/2015 14:24

Sorry missed your post, ignore my question. Surely it doesn't take long to make a few triangle sandwiches, put out some nibbles, olives, pickled onions, cheese board etc, you could buy some quiches if you don't feel you don't have time to make them?
Or is their idea of a buffet a bit posher than mine?!

Finola1step · 08/11/2015 14:24

I don't see why you and your dh can't put together a buffet.

Or do your PILs expect the buffet to end all buffets?

DirtyDancing · 08/11/2015 14:25

Sorry but this doesn't add up. You have time to spend the day driving to other people's houses but you don't have time to put some cheese on a plate, open some nice ham and pickles and put some crisps, coleslaw and salad in a bowl with bread and crackers? Hmm

BusShelter · 08/11/2015 14:26

Why can't your DH make a buffet for his parents.

Do your in laws think you are spending longer with your parents? Is that why they are being mardy.

Only1scoop · 08/11/2015 14:26

Dirtydancing

Quite

I thought it was just me reading a different thread.

NarcyCow · 08/11/2015 14:26

Stay at home. We don't go anywhere on Christmas day. Anyone who wants to see the kids is welcome to turn up and they'll be fed but we don't do visiting.

For the most joyful time of the year, some people seem determined to make it the most angsty and guilt-ridden. Don't let them.

janethegirl2 · 08/11/2015 14:27

Order a takeaway and get it delivered, job done, but don't tell the pil, just say you'd rather provide a meal than a buffet.

boodles · 08/11/2015 14:27

Why can you not do a buffet?

Seeyounearertime · 08/11/2015 14:28

I don't see why you and your dh can't put together a buffet.

Because the time taken to be with the kids would be wasted on prepping buffets. I understand what OP means.
Cook a big dinner then have to spend all afternoon washing, drying, cleaning and then prepping a buffet and then all evening cleaning the buffet up.

So instead of spending the day with the DC OP and OH have spent all day in the kitchen.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/11/2015 14:28

Yanbu with regard to the travelling but I think you're being a bit silly with regard to not doing a buffet. It doesn't have to take ages, and in your plan you'd have to be doing supper for your own family anyway, so what's two more?

AcrossthePond55 · 08/11/2015 14:29

I think I'm the only one in the world who never had this problem! DH's family traditionally 'did' their celebrating on Xmas Eve, my family always did Xmas Day, so things worked out. Plus we were all local (20 min drive) and one set of parents was always invited to the other's. That way no one was alone. It was lovely and the kids enjoyed having all the grandparents around.

Would your parents consider inviting your iLs to theirs? If so, perhaps you could offer to bring a dish or two to help with the increased number or your MiL could be asked to bring her 'speciality' dish?

What's the deal with insisting on a buffet, especially for only 7 people? Do the iLs host others or have an 'open house'?

LittleBearPad · 08/11/2015 14:30

But think of all the time you'll save not driving around all day.

Why can't your parents come to you.

boodles · 08/11/2015 14:30

Sorry just saw your post. Surely if you are spending the evening at home you would have to do some food for you and the children, just make a bit more of that? Also a buffet can be as simple as you like it. Loads of the supermarkets now do buffet platters, you just have to take them from the fridge and put them on the table. Not sure why you or your husband don't have time for that. You can even pre order the buffet food from places like marks and Spencer's.

boodles · 08/11/2015 14:31

Please excuse the rogue '

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