To want to spend some time with my young DC on Christmas Day?

[Tazmanic]

For wanting to spend some time with my Children on Christmas Day ?

Every Christmas , DH , our 3 DC and I drive an hour away to my parents house for lunch.

We then drive 30 minutes from my parents to his parents for a buffet supper.

We then drive 45 mins back to home .

I'm a bit fed up of it . We spend the day driving to everyone else - we leave in the morning , and get back at night by which point the DC are exhausted and go straight to bed .

This year I want to spend some time back at home with my DC snuggled up with a Christmas film and playing with their new toys .

So I've said to my parents that we will come for lunch as usual but we will be leaving earlier to go to DH parents . No problems .

We then told DH parents that we will still be visiting as usual , but we won't be staying for supper . We've said we want to get back home earlier to spend some time together .

This apparently is very selfish of me as they wont get very long with the DGC . They'll get about 1.5 hours before we set off for home .

They see the DGC every week, however they are not happy with 1.5 hours as its Christmas .

That's my point too though - it's Christmas and we spend it at their house with no time to ourselves as a family .

I just want to keep everyone happy but also spend some time with my DC . We are usually so busy and I work full time so I want to make the most of our time off together.

But I feel bad now .

AIBU ? AIB selfish ?

How long does it take to make turkey sandwiches and put some crisps in a bowl?

Can't imagine inviting people over for Christmas afternoon/evening and not feeding them.

I'm intrigued what the PILs buffet has to include to be worth all this angst

Ooh! I didn't mean to sound so smug in my first paragraph. Just thankful!

As kids Christmas Day was always busy. We would go and pick my gran and great aunt up and bring them to ours for lunch. We would then drop them home before going to visit the other GPs and cousins. We got back late at night. We loved it but my parents found it tiring. BUT on Boxing Day we didn't see anyone, it was just the four of us with left over Christmas dinner and all our new toys. As kids we loved both Christmas Day and Boxing Day. Now with my own DC we like to see all the GPs and cousins on Christmas Day and keep Boxing Day just for ourselves. We've done our family bit and have no worries. Would that work?

The excuse of the buffet is a weak one. You would have to feed yourselves so add a bit on.

I'm another one who doesn't get why you can't make some sandwiches in advance and throw some supermarket platters on a table and call it a buffet... Apart from that yanbu.

'I've invited pil over but have told them I can't do a buffet so they declined'

So what did you say 'come over to ours late Christmas afternoon be great to see you'?
Or something similar?

How did food crop up?

Use the time you would have spent driving to the laws to make a buffet. How long does it take to open some crisps and butter some bread?

With the money you save in petrol couldn't you buy some nice m&s buffet food and just whack it on plates? Or even get them to whack it on plates?

I'm not surprised they declined-you've basically said, 'you can come round but I'm not feeding you' which sounds completely unwelcoming! Ask them if they could bring a few bits too.

Leftover Christmas dinner meats, pickles, cheese and crackers is no trouble. I really want to know what the ILs buffet consisted of too!

I've never understood how people can manage a buffet after a big Christmas meal. We have dinner about 1pm and are usually stuffed until about 8pm and then a sandwich is more than enough!
With some people it's more about them not wanting to alter their traditions

With no travelling time or fuel costs, a buffet could easily be done. Just get it all ready made.

I feel for DH and his parents, nothing changes for yours as they still get the grandchildren for Christmas lunch whereas you won't send the time to eat with his.

It seems to be all about what you want.

What's so time consuming about a buffet? Surely it's just putting sausage rolls, cheese and crackers, cold meats etc. onto plates. At most it's bunging some ready to cook M&S canapés in the oven. That said, the IL's are being spectacularly churlish and not coming unless a buffet is provided.

OP if I were you I'd just do what you want and sod them.

Maybe they have a whole cooked salmon? That's a bit of a faff, I wouldn't bother with that!

Sorry and buy cheap paper plates, no washing up!!
Do what you want .. we stay home in our pjs ... lovely

When my stepMIL makes a buffet, she makes pies and quiches from scratch, makes fresh salad, and cooks meat & pasta to cool for the cold meats and pasta salads. Takes her all day. (Woe betide anyone who doesn't eat or compliment it enough.)
I'm of the bag of crisps, packet ham, and picked onions school of buffet, but wanted to point out that not everyone is. If OP says she hasn't got time to make a buffet, she hasn't got time to make one.

I too am baffled by the buffet.
What do the PIL do for their buffet?

Yours could be a different buffet. You can even do sandwiches in advance - Mary Berry has a technique where you cover them with a damp tea towel.

I repeat - a buffet at Christmas is not a legal requirement and no-one will die without it - so if the OP feels a buffet is beyond her, she doesn't have to do one, and her PIL need to grow up and cope!

'you cant see then christmas eve or boxing day as they have other plans'.....well tell them you have other plans for christmas day!

To all the questions about the sodding buffet ....

We won't get back from parents until late afternoon - it's the way the times work with lunch and travel time - we are only going to be there for 2.5 hours max .

My parents are 30 minutes away from DH parents so it makes sense to do both sets on one day .

It will be 4 extra adults to feed as DH parents have DH brothers at home - so they will come too . One has special dietary needs .

I do not want to spend time cleaning and in the kitchen sorting food out for four extra adults when it can all easily be sorted by us visiting them but not staying for supper .

It's madness .

To the pp who said its all about what I want ...

What I want is to stay at home all day in my pajamas with my children ! But I can't because there are other people to consider . That's not selfish ?

I really think Christmas should be about families getting together. Whole families. I think I would be gutted in forty years time if my dc and (hopefully) dgc excluded me. I think you either go to theirs including a meal, or they come to yours including a meal. It's not fair of you to want then to come to you're without offering food.

What does cleaning have to do with anything?

Can't your parents come for lunch along with the PILs?

No my parents can not come to mine for all the reasons I stated up thread .

I also never said I wasn't offering food - I said I wasn't doing a buffet . They will not be happy with nuts and crackers .

Christmas Day buffet - if we did such a thing, in spite of having just had an enormous meal earlier, it would be:

Ready made quiches, heated through and served warm
Pork pie, sliced
Cheese and cold meat on platters
Dips
Crackers, bread, crisps, nuts, olives
Pickles/chutney, mayonnaise
cherry tomatoes, sliced cucumber, Little Gem lettuce leaves, carrot/celery/pepper sticks

Lots of fruit. Christmas cake, mince pies, chocolate biscuits.

Almost nothing to prepare. Put quiches in oven, get cheese out of fridge, set table, wash vegetables, pat them dry, slice them (or buy ready sliced), get everything out of the fridge/cupboards, slice up, put on plates, quiches out of oven, job done.