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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not really understand my friend's angst re stranger stroking her baby's face

227 replies

Imogentlasting · 03/11/2015 16:12

A colleague was sitting in the reception area of a hotel a few days ago holding her baby, and a staff member admired the baby and stroked his cheek.
My friend is now incensed at a 'stranger touching my child'. I mean, she's really annoyed about it. I could understand if it was some dodgy looking drunk, or someone who was coughing and spluttering with a cold or somesuch. But this was just a normal woman working in a hotel.

AIBU to be at her attitude?

OP posts:

LittleBearPad · 03/11/2015 16:14

No, if you have a sense of proportion but is this her pfb? Does your friend have pnd or anxiety which might explain her reaction. I wouldn't worry about it too much. She'll calm down sooner or later

ShamelessBreadAddict · 03/11/2015 16:15

People do this to my DC sometimes and I do find it weird but I don't give it much thought other than that. If your friend is "really annoyed" yanbu to find that strange.

Original poster

Imogentlasting · 03/11/2015 16:16

No, she's not an anxious type at all. The baby is a year old and she has been back at work for four months and is functioning normally, no signs of depression. He's her second child.

OP posts:

troubleatmillcock · 03/11/2015 16:17

I'd have been a bit incensed too actually.

Took DS into work when he was 3 months and someone 'dum dum dum-ed' his lips.

It really pissed me off - don't touch his lips with your dirty fingers FFS!

MrsBojingles · 03/11/2015 16:18

Some people don't like their personal space invaded, and feel the same way about their kids. No big deal if she doesn't like that surely?

SuckingEggs · 03/11/2015 16:19

I don't like people fingering my face, so I'd not want my DC to have that experience either!

yeOldeTrout · 03/11/2015 16:20

I dunno understand other people. It wouldn't have upset me either if it had been my baby. Think I have to spend my days shrugging at most the world.

Cloudyflower · 03/11/2015 16:22

I don't really like people touching my babies face or hands tbh. If that makes me unreasonable so be it. About 3 times now people (usually elderly) have rubbed a coin over my babies hand before I could have chance to stop them.

I know they don't mean any harm but I wouldn't touch someone's baby without asking them first.

Tomboyinatutu · 03/11/2015 16:22

I would be fuming to be honest but I have GBS so everyone for the first few months of my children's lives had to use hand sanitiser. You don't know where peoples hands have been

Original poster

Imogentlasting · 03/11/2015 16:22

Gosh, I didn't realise so many people would feel the same. I could understand a parent not wanting someone sticking their finger in their child's mouth, but stroking a baby's cheek seems so harmless.

OP posts:

spritefairy · 03/11/2015 16:23

It's a hard one....people shouldn't randomly touch other peoples babies but it wouldn't bother me.

In fact a little old lady held my newborn. She admitted it made her day as she has no one left

EmmaWoodlouse · 03/11/2015 16:40

He's her second child.

Was her first child there at the time? Could she have been trying (in a rather OTT way) to get the message across to them that they don't have to let anybody touch them if they don't want to?

pinkcardi · 03/11/2015 16:40

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest, the more cooing over her the better

LittleBearPad · 03/11/2015 16:47

She's overreacted. It's harmless.

YetAnotherUserName · 03/11/2015 16:48

Still a random stranger, even if she didn't have any obvious signs of illness - I definitely didn't like strangers touching my babies: appoaching and cooing, ok. Touching, no. If they'd asked, that would be different.

I feel the same about pregnancy bumps too - invasion of personal space and that's extended to my babies.

usual · 03/11/2015 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 03/11/2015 16:51

I don't get it either but there are plenty of people on here who feel the same. They seem to see their babies as treasured possessions rather than small people.

coconutpie · 03/11/2015 16:52

She is not being unreasonable. This sort of thing really pisses me off. I wouldn't like a stranger stroking my face, nevermind my baby's face. You don't know where people's hands have been! Yuck.

Doublebubblebubble · 03/11/2015 16:58

I have a real problem with strangers touching my children. I have never felt the need to touch other peoples babies or bumps. I just find it very weird no matter how well meaning it is. 1. Because I dont know where their hands have been 2. I dont want my dcs to feel that just anyone can touch them. - My DD can catch a cold like no one I know (a cold quickly turns into asthma complications so its not just trivial)

SuckingEggs · 03/11/2015 17:23

They seem to see their babies as treasured possessions rather than small people

They are small people. This is why I don't like randoms feeling free to touch them!

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 03/11/2015 17:33

I don't get the angst over things like this either. My baby used to lick the floor when she crawls around, so I can't see that a strangers hand on their cheek could be worse than that!

WorraLiberty · 03/11/2015 17:38

It makes me laugh how many people complain about the UK being 'non child friendly', compared to other countries in Europe.

I'm not bloody surprised, given how many people seem to be precious about having their babies touched.

ShowOfBloodyStumps · 03/11/2015 17:42

I don't touch other people's babies as I know they don't like it sometimes but I didn't mind people doing it to mine.

My 90yo grandma will put a coin in a baby's hand and stroke the back of the hand. She's welcoming them to the world and wishing them luck. She gets all choked up and it makes her inordinately happy. She's old and very infirm now and touching a baby's hand is such a precious moment for her. She'd be devastated to be told off for it. I understand why people don't like it, I do and actually my Grandma does ask permission usually but it's such a primitive thing for some people.

It's a tough one. When dd was 6 days old, we went out to register the birth and stopped in a cafe afterwards. The lady at the next table asked if she could stroke the baby's head (we'd chatted a bit before that). Her daughter had just given birth but had emigrated 5 years previously so she'd only met the baby on skype. She showed us some pictures and we chatted for a while. I offered a cuddle with my baby and she was thrilled. It was lovely and I suppose I felt a real spark of empathy.

FourForYouGlenCoco · 03/11/2015 17:48

I absolutely hated it when DD was tiny and people used to stick their fingers in her face and stuff. Old people on the bus were the worst for it IME. It used to make me SO angry but I would tolerate it cos I don't like a scene. I probably was a bit pfb but then again I wouldn't dream of touching someone else's child, especially if I hadn't even asked.
YANBU but neither is she. Just a difference of opinion. Some people are ok with it, some aren't.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 03/11/2015 17:56

Now there's a headline for the Daily Fail:
'Baby Dies after Stranger Strokes His Cheek'

No, Imogen you are not being unreasonable at all. Some people are just too precious.

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