To not really understand my friend's angst re stranger stroking her baby's face

[Imogentlasting]

A colleague was sitting in the reception area of a hotel a few days ago holding her baby, and a staff member admired the baby and stroked his cheek.
My friend is now incensed at a 'stranger touching my child'. I mean, she's really annoyed about it. I could understand if it was some dodgy looking drunk, or someone who was coughing and spluttering with a cold or somesuch. But this was just a normal woman working in a hotel.

AIBU to be at her attitude?

No, I didn't know her, actually Baroness, before that meeting. I found out later that she was one of our residents (and then spoke to her regularly). So you're wrong!

Yanbu imogen. I loved when people cooed over my little ones, and stroked or held them. I'm Indian and my partner is Irish so I think that plays into it.
It makes me feel like I'm at home again, as Indian ladies and men for that matter adore babies and toddlers and will go out of their way to be affectionate. And the rural northern Irish community I live in atm is very similar.

My dses are very social and love interaction but they make it clear when they've had enough.

Even recognising a person from within your community can still be a complete stranger to you. I recognise many people in our town just by looking at them, but they're still strangers, figuratively speaking.

If you lived on the Mediterranean Continent (or indeed, many other European countries), it would be positively abnormal for an adult to not make a fuss of a baby or child. Some British people are utterly weird about this.

Goodnight I specified in the post that it was my gate she was climbing.

So you did, baroness, my apologies.

I think it is natural to want to touch and coo over a baby. But MN has made me much more wary of doing so.

OP, I agree with you. The stroke of a cheek, or the pat of a hand is a gesture of kindness, it always makes me feel happy to have had an interaction of this kind with a stranger. It sounds corny, but it boosts my faith in human nature.

It is fairly easy to tell when something is being done in a kind way or a sleazy way. If it is done in kindness, then it makes my day a little better.

My sister took her baby to Sri Lanka recently. They were followed around by hoards of children and women who though she was adorable and wanted to hold her, pat her etc. Her holiday pics are wonderful!

If you feel that strongly that people who aren't fans of having babies touched are weirdos, why would you let MN put you off?

My DC boundaries are: stroking = fine. Shoving finger in mouth = piss right off.

also hate mouth kissing on babies but that's another thread

My DC boundaries are: stroking = fine. Shoving finger in mouth = piss right off

But the Opening Post was not about someone shoving fingers in mouths. It was about the stroking of a cheek. Not many people would be happy about a random stranger poking fingers into anyone's mouth, let alone a baby! Some posters have derailed the thread

It was me that said you were weirdos

I go through life stroking babies willy nilly I'm afraid. I'll take my chances, if someone screeches at me about their babies mental and physical autonomy, I'll take it on the chin

Some responses on here are ridiculous!

Babies don't think like adults. Full stop. A stroke from a stranger would be strange to me but not to my baby!

Talking about 'personal space' etc is a load of old waffle.

I hate it when strangers touch my 8-week-old baby! It feels intrusive and uncalled for. I usually grit my teeth and smile but really I wish people would know better than to touch a tiny baby. I've had people come and tickle his face, ruffle his hair, poke at him when he's sleeping in the pram! One woman even pawed at him when he was in the sling on DH's chest Lots of mums are protective of their new babies and don't want them stroked by strangers or colleagues. It's not being 'unkind' it's being sensible. I'm happy for friends and family to touch him but he's not public property. Lots of mums feel this way, they just end up being polite when someone touches so people think it's ok
.
Also, don't most people wash their hands before touching a young baby?? Babies' immune systems are very undeveloped the first 3 months, particularly the first 6weeks. It's common sense to wash your hands before touching baby's face or hands, this is an easy way of spreading colds and viruses! Even if you're not ill yourself, you've presumably been touching things like door handles that countless other people have touched. When I'm out in public I always wash or use antibact gel on my hands before touching my baby's face, his hands, dummy, feeding him or changing his nappy etc. This is basic hygiene especially in autumn/winter when cold and flu bugs are rife He's already had one nasty cold, with nights of distress and crying and difficulty feeding due to a blocked nose. No doubt I'll relax as he gets older, but small babies are susceptible to viruses and infections, even minor bugs can make them very unwell. It's natural for new mums to want to minimise exposure to germs.

I would never touch someone's baby unless invited to. Babies are little people not dollies or pets. If a friend or colleague invited me to hold/touch their baby I'd wash my hands first... or if unable to I'd just touch the baby's clothed parts, eg tickle their feet or stroke their sleeve.

Also, if you stroke a random baby's cheek how does the mum know you haven't just blown your nose/touched a coldsore/failed to wash your hands after using the loo/stroked a dog/smoked a cigarette? You may have clean hands but the mum doesn't know that!

I love it when people admire my baby son and I'm more than happy for them to look at him, coo, talk, interact, pull faces etc... but touching him is a step too far.

I remember when I was in hospital with my first born passing him over to two mums who were waiting to be induced.

Another mum who just had her baby came up to me to tell me she was shocked I would let others hold him

I was sitting right next to them and it didn't cross my mind not to let them have a cuddle.

I never washed my hands before holding my baby.

Family never washed their hands when they visited either. Unless they had just gone to the toilet etc of course.

I didn't think we were meant to as they were healthy full term babies

Ha, I probably looked really precious to the woman touching DD last week. Wiping the dribble under her chin. I asked her not to and she still did. The rotavirus vaccine she'd had orally earlier that afternoon is probably making that woman's week a whole lot harder. I did try to warn her.

DD also spent time on a drip due to infection when she was born. I'm precious and proud

MrsDe, maybe the parent was just being polite?

I dont think its odd to feel the urge to touch cute babies, but it is odd and rather insensitive to touch a stranger`s baby.

Babies need attention and affection yes, but they don't need it from strangers. Most will have plenty from family and friends!

I don't think anyone should feel obliged to let strangers touch their baby, nor should they be put in that position. If a mum is happy for you to touch or hold her baby she will offer! Asking if you can have a cuddle puts the mum in an awkward position.

This thread is ridiculous. Get a fucking grip.

I get the wanting to touch a baby cheek. Babies have soft skin, it's a lovely feeling holding a baby. I used to love the random strangers cooing over my dc when they were babies. That interaction could have been the only human touch the elderly lady had had in a long time.

Be nice, once your dc grow up you will look at babies and remember how your own were. This is what will make you want to touch a baby again. It's human instinct.

That interaction could have been the only human touch the elderly lady had had in a long time

That still doesn't make it ok for her to touch someone's baby uninvited! Why is it 'being nice' to let someone stroke your baby's face against your wishes?

Babies have soft skin yes. I agree it's human instinct to want to touch them. It's also human instinct for a new mother to feel protective of her baby and not want strangers touching him. Getting out and about with a newborn is stressful enough without fending off strangers who want to stroke baby! A bit of respect for the mother's feelings is needed... why should she feel obliged to let you touch her vulnerable infant if it makes her uncomfortable? Why would you put her in a position where she feels obliged to say yes in order to 'be nice'?

The desire to reduce your baby's exposure to germs and viruses is very natural and IMO far more important than disappointing a stranger!

I thought it was common knowledge that you don't touch other people's babies unless they offer

BrandNew you talk absolute sense. My DCs are now adults. I didn't mind if someone gently put their hand on their heads, softly touched their cheek or hands. I was so bloody proud of my babies, I loved it that someone else thought they were precious too. Of course this didn't happen when they were newborn but once they were over say 3 months, I just beamed with delight when someone noticed how wonderful they were and gently touched them!

Nowadays you can't even look at a baby. Sad.

Brandnew you make the most sense!

I took my first baby into work to show work matesm. Lots of people, including some I had never spoken to before, stroked her or put their finger into her hand. It was lovely.
Some people kissed her head. She didn't catch a deadly disease and we both came away unscathed.

No I've never heard that you don't touch random babies apart from on MN.

roussette exactly. When mine were babies they were the most beautiful and fascinating beings. I used to feel sorry for other mums as their babies couldn't possibly of have been as beautiful as mine. I loved the attention my dc received and as much as it was nice for elderly ladies to talk to me and coo over the baby it was nice for me to talk to an adult for 5 minutes.

As for germs just because your the babies mum doesn't mean your suddenly germ free and your babies is immune to you. The only way to really protect babies is to breast feed and that will only work on viruses that you yourself are immune to.

Babies need to build up their immune systems. No wonder judging by this thread there are so many bugs going around all the time.