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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really understand my friend's angst re stranger stroking her baby's face

227 replies

Imogentlasting · 03/11/2015 16:12

A colleague was sitting in the reception area of a hotel a few days ago holding her baby, and a staff member admired the baby and stroked his cheek.
My friend is now incensed at a 'stranger touching my child'. I mean, she's really annoyed about it. I could understand if it was some dodgy looking drunk, or someone who was coughing and spluttering with a cold or somesuch. But this was just a normal woman working in a hotel.

AIBU to be Confused at her attitude?

OP posts:
SuckingEggs · 03/11/2015 18:00

Someone came to see my newborn, straight off a cross-London bus and train trip, no gloves, and stuck her dirty finger in my baby's mouth to see if they were hungry...

I'm sorry, but fuck off!

TheCatsWhiskers · 03/11/2015 18:22

A number of the responses on this thread make me despair of the lack of common sense with some people.

A well meaning person touches the cheek of a baby in what they think is a friendly gesture. What exactly do you thank is going to happen?

Babies will pick up germs from all sorts of places, it's normal interaction.

BarbarianMum · 03/11/2015 18:27

I was exactly the opposite: thought my pfb was soooo wonderful that I got a bit narked if people didn't fuss over him Blush

ILiveAtTheBeach · 03/11/2015 18:29

Wouldn't bother me. Some people have ridiculous attitudes about their children. Or not enough real worries!

Furiosa · 03/11/2015 18:35

It's very instinctive to want to touch or stroke a baby. It's also instinctive to be protective of your child.

Worlds will collide.

spidey66 · 03/11/2015 18:45

I absolutely love admiring babies, and will admit to occasionally stroking a baby's cheek, if the baby is wide awake and the baby and mother are interacting with me. I certainly do not mean any harm by it. I don't have any kids not by choice-they didn't happen and as I'm recovering from a hysterectomy it's not going to! I think it's my maternal streak coming out. I seriously do not mean to cause any offence by it.

FourForYouGlenCoco · 03/11/2015 18:52

It was never the germ thing that bothered me (if she could survive with my housekeeping skills, no one else was going to be an issue!), just the general lack of boundaries/respect for personal space. If a total stranger came up to me and touched my face or tried to put their fingers in my mouth, I'd probably twat them, so why is it ok to do it to a baby?! They're still people!
It's a bit different if the parent has been chatting, or if they've given permission/offered, or something like that.

SuckingEggs · 03/11/2015 19:07

^^ exactly

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 03/11/2015 20:07

Hardly the same thing. How many adults are endearing enough to have a stranger stroke their cheek? (and the OP was about a stroked cheek, not finger in a mouth, btw, which I would object to as well).

Abidewithme3 · 03/11/2015 20:19

Ah some sad responses here.

My dm has altzimers and loved babies/toddlers. She would stroke a babies cheek as would I without a thought of being rude or offensive. Obviously not sticking fingers in mouth or waking a sleeping baby!

Many old folks have lost the love of their lives and with that the luxury of human touch. We all know it's the pat on the cheek or the touch
Of a hand that can mean the world to those lonely and bereaved.

Sharing the joy of a baby is quite nice.

Be nice.

TheMotherOfHellbeasts · 03/11/2015 20:31

We don't live in the UK and DS is still just a toddler, but I'm very protective of him (very long story but we had very serious death threats when I was pregnant and when he was a newborn). He's extremely confident and sociable but things have to be on his terms, and he doesn't like strangers touching him.
Fortunately where we live is extremely remote and on the rare occasions someone does try to grab him they have our three huge guard dogs to contend with - there aren't many people brave enough to push past them to get to him. It works perfectly for us, if DS wants to interact the dogs stand back and observe, if he becomes unhappy they intervene.

SuckingEggs · 03/11/2015 22:19

It is distressing for people who want to touch others to not be able to. But it can be just as distressing the other way round. And I'm afraid it's not the toucher's prerogative to do as they wish.

Abidewithme3 · 03/11/2015 23:04

There's a huge difference between experiencing death threats and a smiley person touching your toddlers cheek.

Good grief.

contractor6 · 04/11/2015 04:43

I noticed a big difference in interaction when out with my new born out in rural area, she got heaps of attention, we loved it. DH grew up in urban area and not so keen. Guess it is what you are used to?

JessicaTreuhaft · 04/11/2015 07:24

I too hate people touching dd for personal space reasons not health reasonsIt is not a strangers position to decide who gets touched. I think it is lovely for all the people who are happy to do it but no way should it happen without a parent asking.
My mum has alzheimers and I care for her but her illness does not trump someone elses personal space.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/11/2015 07:28

How sad some of you are, what a awful world we live in if we cannot strike a babies cheek, she only stroked his cheek, not kissed him full on the lips! No wonder people are afraid of going near children, with reactions like this!

JessicaTreuhaft · 04/11/2015 07:32

Aerofloatgirl, for me, I just do not see why DD she have it done to her if I would not have it done to me and I would not expect anyone to stroke my face without asking. On top of this I do not see why this is not just a 'shrug, personal choice' conversation. Why are we 'sad' for making that choice , why do we have to bend for total strangers?

looksamess · 04/11/2015 07:34

Why would you touch random people, pregnant mothers or babies? My kids are little person, they are entitled to their personal space, I would get ballistic if someone touches them.

Do what you are comfortable with your own child, but respect other people, is that so difficult? Even friend or family kissing YOUR child on the lips? WTF?!?

Aeroflotgirl · 04/11/2015 07:36

jessica what a sad reaction. It's a stroke, not a slap, how are you going to get your child used to people, if you react like that! Yes I could understand kidding on lips, or sticking fingers in babies mouth, but a stroke fgs, how sad!

Aeroflotgirl · 04/11/2015 07:37

No I would not go up to strangers babies, but the lady was not a stranger to op, but a work colleague.

Mehitabel6 · 04/11/2015 07:38

The baby doesn't put up with anything they don't like- they are not advanced enough to consider other people's feelings. If they don't like it they make it loud and clear.
It is generally the mother who doesn't like it.

DixieNormas · 04/11/2015 07:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Only1scoop · 04/11/2015 07:41

Sad reality that so many seem so offended by a little stroke of a baby's cheek.

Quite frankly odd.

Floisme · 04/11/2015 07:44

Threads like this make me wonder whether time might be up for the human race.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 04/11/2015 07:45

I also think it's sad that some people get so het up about a stroke on the cheek.