To not really understand my friend's angst re stranger stroking her baby's face

[Imogentlasting]

A colleague was sitting in the reception area of a hotel a few days ago holding her baby, and a staff member admired the baby and stroked his cheek.
My friend is now incensed at a 'stranger touching my child'. I mean, she's really annoyed about it. I could understand if it was some dodgy looking drunk, or someone who was coughing and spluttering with a cold or somesuch. But this was just a normal woman working in a hotel.

AIBU to be at her attitude?

All this obsession with germs & viruses is a bit over the top!
We have to come into contact with germs as do babies.
Unless your child has an illness or condition that means any infection or a virus is especially dangerous to them, then it is beneficial to get them and build up a strong immune system.
Children WILL get ill, it is natural.
I wonder if the Mums who are so afraid of their child getting any germs/viruses are also the Mums who insist on antibiotics every time their child has an illness?
It is also sad that we have become so suspicious and paranoid about anyone coming near our children just because we don't know them.
A lot of this stuff is really irrational.

Oh for fuck's sake

I really.don't get the 'you wouldn't do it to an adult so don't do it to my baby' argument on this.

I wouldn't go up to an adult and say in a cutest voice 'oh aren't you gorgeous , oh look at your little cheeks, awwww you are a lovely little thing' would I?

Or is that a no no now as well in case baby feels 'patronised' or something?

Well said Gloria.

Sequine Loads of people pat a dog, tap someone on the shoulder to get their attention, etc. It's just normal behaviour.

I have to admit I'm a bit twitchy about strangers touching my babies. We have identical twins so loads more people seem to want to coo and pet than either of the boys (singletons). It's all very well people laughing off the germs/ viruses obsession but the reality is if the girls have a cold I get a maximum of two hours sleep a night for a week. Last time accompanied with a midnight dash to hospital for steroids due to a nasty case of croup. Germs are not harmless; babies being sick has a major impact on families.

I wouldn't go up to an adult and say in a cutest voice 'oh aren't you gorgeous , oh look at your little cheeks, awwww you are a lovely little thing' would I?
Or is that a no no now as well in case baby feels 'patronised' or something?
I'd have no problem with you doing this to my baby. I'm fine with people interacting and cooing over him. By all means coo over his chubby cheeks just don't touch them!

Re adults and touching, I'd touch a stranger's arm or shoulder but never their face!

Hand-face contact is the easiest way to transmit viruses like colds and flu. I don't want my 8-week DS catching another cold just because a stranger touches his face with unwashed hands!

It's all very well people laughing off the germs/ viruses obsession but the reality is if the girls have a cold I get a maximum of two hours sleep a night for a week. Last time accompanied with a midnight dash to hospital for steroids due to a nasty case of croup. Germs are not harmless; babies being sick has a major impact on families

Sorry - but that is the reality of having babies/children and being a parent. It has always been that way. It is a fact of life and has to be tolerated.
Of course it is bloody inconvenient and stressful.
I think perhaps these days we expect everything to be so convenient and easy.
I have watched a family member go through a year of worry and sleeplessness over a baby born with neuroblastoma. He had chemotherapy and had a very compromised immune system. His parents were not as paranoid about germs as some people on here.
People need to get a grip,... colds and viruses pass and are (mostly) not bloody life threatening.

I totally agree Devora, it's the notion that stroking a babies cheek or hand is somewhat weird or abusive . I wouldent touch strangers babies, but it is very sad that a simple bit of human contact is seen in such a negative way.

It's also the reality of living in the real world. Everytime you go into a supermarket or get on a bus you are exposing yourself and your child to germs and the possibility that the person beside you is going down with a stomach bug or a throat infection. You can get too paranoid about these things.

Seriously, how are people.worried about a quick touch of the cheek going to cope when their 4 year olds enter the germ ridden, unwashed hands, sneezing coughing spluttering disgustingness that is Primary School?

Sequine I'm not talking about my DD accosting mothers in the street and asking if she can hold their baby! I'm talking about her work colleagues on maternity leave for instance, who come in with their baby and her saying "can I hold her?" If Mothers feel so strongly about it as per this thread, they should have the gumption to be able to say No. Instead apparently we should gaze longingly and hope the Mum spots the gaze and relents.

I've had babies. They were precious. I was protective. But no, I didn't worry to that great extent about some lovely person gently stroking my DC's cheek.

Or bugs. BTW there was no such thing as antibac when mine were little. It didn't exist. How did I cope? If someone had flu I probably wouldn't have encouraged them to visit, but apart from that I never got worked up about germs. The way I looked at it was ... OK, DC1 has a cold, that's one more particular strain she will now be immune to. I just didn't sweat it.

It is becoming more accepted that children must never be ill ( its always life threatening)...or upset, (it damages them for life)

Gotta not to mention devaluing them as a human being if you suggest they might stand up on a bus to let an older person sit down, or tell them to go and play somewhere else, they're waking the baby.

Vintage I know these children. They tend to have a talent for abusing people and telling you to fuck off. They have 'confidence' you see, cos no one is allowed to upset them

I find it odd to object so vehemently. Most people are drawn to the fresh beauty of baby skin and their cute little ruddy cheeks. I wouldn't touch mouth or nostrils or ears but a quick stroke of a cheek seems harmless.

What gets me about indignant parents is that they are oh, so happy to have "the village" fork out in taxes so that they can get benefits and perks available to parents only. But god forbid that the villagers want to interact with their kids, "question parenting choices" or these days even look sideways at a child. Then the pitchforks come out! It's a two-way street and if you expect assistance and support from the villagers, you have to put up with a little input as well.

So true gotta

Gloria we're talking about tiny babies not 4-year-olds. I know it's inevitable babies get colds... but why expose them to viruses unnecessarily? Simple measures like hand-washing make a big difference to how many bugs they get!

Rousette, why should your DD expect to hold her colleagues babies? Why not wait for the new mum to offer or see if baby gets passed round. At my workplace people always bring babies in to show off but many keep him/her in the pram and don't invite touching... we all gather round and coo and ask questions instead. If mum gets baby out there's no expectation that everyone has a cuddle. Sometimes mum passes baby round, other times only her close friends hold baby. There's no pressure or people saying 'is it my turn yet?' we play it by ear and follow the mum's lead. Maybe explain to your DD why many mums don't want everyone holding their newborn!

Lea I'm not objecting to people interacting with my baby, cooing or showing interest, I just don't want strangers coming up and touching him!

You are more likely to catch a cold by sitting next to a person who sneezes then for someone who may or may not have a cold touching your babies cheek.

Babies suck trolley handles, those grim highchairs in pubs and restaurants, anything that they can get in their mouths when they're teething goes in. An elderly lady on the bus has far less germs then all of that.

I have diagnosed real ocd and I'm a diagnosed emetiphobe. I think a few of you on this thread need to go to the Dr's and get help. I've done many bonkers things to stop my dc getting stomach bugs but a few rounds of cbt have made it easier to manage. To avoid public places to stop your babies getting colds is pretty bonkers like when I would keep my dc off of school and not let them go to softplay when stomach bugs were going around. I can see that it's my ocd I think some of you need help like I had help.

I'm really confused by these responses to the OP.

Even if you don't want the baby touched on the grounds that it isn't to do with hygiene, but more to do with personal space.. A newborn really isn't that bothered! I'd understand if the woman just picked the baby up or touched the babies mouth etc, but a little gentle stroke to the face?

I think some people are far too precious.

As for a baby being a 'little person' and the argument of "well you wouldn't do it to an adult so why a baby", that's ridiculous! Under no circumstances was pain or harm inflicted on the baby, that baby was simply stroked!

It's as if a decision was made to pierce the child's belly button by some of these replies.

I'm a bit that a new mother would bring her baby into work and then 'only let close friends' hold the baby.
That sounds very schoolgirlish to me.

The baby doesn't know, or care , if the person is your work colleague or a close friend. They may well really take to the work colleague in preference.

Sequine it's not a big thing in my DDs life but shock horror she has held babies that colleagues have bought in and she was delighted so I shan't be telling her what to do and what not to do, she's an adult, she's intuitive and would sense if it just wasn't right.

However, when her old boss came in recently who she really bonded with when they worked together, she did ask if she could hold her little girl, and her boss was more than happy to hand her over and go off and have a cuppa with her old boss. Everyone's happy. DD loved every minute with that baby. So not everyone is super precious with their LO's.

I wouldn't mind if an old lady/man patted my cheek or stroked my hand! I remember when I was pregnant, being on holiday in Greece - the number of well wishers who patted my tummy, or stopped me in shops to congratulate me - it made me happy! I think I must be sllightly deprived of affection!

That was a lot of exclamation marks