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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why does she have a problem with me making an effort to do things with my kids?

218 replies

Neve81 · 15/10/2015 12:31

Afternoon, just posting really in order to vent as i'm rather ticked off with a friend of mine, well she's a friend of a friend really, I only see her when I meet up with our mutual friend and I occasionally speak with her on Facebook.

Basically I've posted on Facebook that i'm excited for the next couple of weeks as the kids are off for half term and I have lots of little activities planned, mainly centered around Halloween as we are Halloween obsessed lol. We are going on an organised spooky walk in the woods, to a Halloween session at jungle gyms, pumpkin picking down at our local farm, Halloween and fireworks night at our local garden centre and we are having a Halloween party at our house for family and some of the kids friends.

I'm a sahm whilst my dh's works full time so the last couple of years (used to work 60 hours a week previously) I've put a lot of time and effort into making things like Halloween and Bonfire night (and Xmas of course) lots of fun for my kids who are now 10 9 and 5 and I genuinely enjoy it, but as it turns out this "friend" of mine has a problem with this.

Not long after I'd posted on Facebook she posted something along the lines of "I can't understand why parents feel the need to go over the top every half term spoiling their kids with tons of days outs and for Halloween who the hell has a party and splashes out out on doing their house up, waste of money in my opinion, clearly these parents have too much time on their hands and are overcompensating for something by going overboard" Now this kind of made my blood boil as she was clearly having a go at me on the sly, and I can't understand why. We are both different, we do different
things with our kids and I just so happen to love getting out an about doing mostly free activities wheras her idea of spending half term with her three kids is plonking them in front of the tv or Xbox whilst she's playing games on her iPad. Now this is fine, it's up to her what she does but why judge me and try and belittle me?

OP posts:
DonkeyOaty · 15/10/2015 12:33

Put her on "limited" if delete and block too inflamey.

EatShitDerek · 15/10/2015 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AliceInUnderpants · 15/10/2015 12:34

I'd either just ignore, or post "Well, that's one less person to invite then. Enjoy half term!"

Seriouslyffs · 15/10/2015 12:35

She obviously feels shown up and threatened as her parenting is so crap different. Hide her posts.

Sighing · 15/10/2015 12:35

Seriously ignore her.

toomuchtooold · 15/10/2015 12:35

Totally agree OP. Sounds like you're making her feel inadequate, which is entirely her problem and not yours Smile.
Personally, I with 3yo twins am marking the days off on the calendar until they're old enough to play m

VodkaValiumLattePlease · 15/10/2015 12:37

'Fuck off you miserable cunt' send comment.

Problem solved.

toomuchtooold · 15/10/2015 12:40

...minecraft. Sorry, littler just sat on my phone!

experiencedhider · 15/10/2015 12:41

Sounds like the judging goes both ways. If you're happy with your Halloween plans then why does it matter what she says?

SaucyJack · 15/10/2015 12:42

You're Smuggy McSmuggerson and she's just a bitch.

PuppyMonkey · 15/10/2015 12:43

A big fat tumbleweed /ignore says so much more than any fuck off message back IMHO Grin

Chillyegg · 15/10/2015 12:43

Id invite her an her kids rounds for the party Grin
Bit I'm a cunt

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 15/10/2015 12:44

If you posted once with a single post described as above, then she is being petty and awful.

However, if that single post was accompanied by a thousand etsy worthy pics of what you are going to do and eat over Halloween. then I have some sympathy with her outburst.

Neve81 · 15/10/2015 12:44

But I'm not judging her though, what she does or doesn't do with her own kids is down to her, and normally I wouldn't care what people think of me or why I do but she's clearly being snide and it's ticked me off.

OP posts:
squoosh · 15/10/2015 12:45

Ugh she sounds like a miserable sod with a nice line in attention seeking passive aggressive Facebook digs.

Ignore the miserable swine, apart from on Halloween night of course when you'll put an evil hex on her.

Neve81 · 15/10/2015 12:46

No it was one post, and don't worry I'm not one of those parents. I'm not a great baker, I'll reluctantly do arts and crafts with my youngest and I don't help out with the pta at school lol, I just really enjoy Autumn and like getting out and about before it gets too cold.

OP posts:
squoosh · 15/10/2015 12:47

I don't think you sound smug or judgmental OP and I have a finely tuned sense of smell for smug.

MabelSideswipe · 15/10/2015 12:47

She sounds incredibly passive aggressive but I don't really see why things only seem to be 'real' and enjoyable to some people if they are posting about them on Facebook. She probably found your post annoying but them I find loads of things annoying on Facebook but I don't feel feel the need to be nasty about them.

PoundingTheStreets · 15/10/2015 12:47

I think you're bonkers too Wink but only because I am a lazy so-and-so. Grin

I think it's lovely you're doing so much with your DC.

I also think that may be she feels like she can't measure up and so needs to take the importance out of what you're doing so she can feel better about what she's doing IYSWIM.

What are her personal circumstances? Money? Employment?

trollkonor · 15/10/2015 12:48

Put her on limited and give it no more thought.

She sounds like one of those people that get a snapshot of someones life, make 1 + 1 = 11. Judges away to make herself feel better then be goady with the hope that she will mount her pedestal and lap up the adoration of anyone who agrees.

Neve81 · 15/10/2015 12:50

Maybe she did find it annoying but still, she didn't have to post snidely, I would never dream of doing that. And to be fair I rarely post where I am and what I'm doing on Facebook whereas she tags herself in everywhere she goes.

OP posts:
ExplodingCarrots · 15/10/2015 12:52

She's jealous and feeling inadequate. Ignore her or hide her from your Facebook. I deleted 'friends' who moaned constantly about people who posted anything child related. I'm not going to stop for them.

I'm very much like you. I love Halloween and will be having a party and doing little activities.

Take lots of pictures to rub her nose in it Grin...

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 15/10/2015 12:52

I don't think you need to worry Neve, whatever that snide post was about it had everything to do with her and nothing to do with you.

Your Halloween week sounds lovely, your kids will have a great time...can I come?

Neve81 · 15/10/2015 12:56

She's in the same situation as me and is a sahm whilst her partner works but I don't think she really enjoy it to be honest. It was a shock to my system at first leaving my job of 15 years to be a full time sahm but I love it. I plan on returning to work next year as my youngest has just turned five and started full time school so I'm making the most of the time I have with my kids.

OP posts:
MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 15/10/2015 12:59

Facebook causing friction once again.

I wasn't on Mumsnet before Facebook existed but I really wonder how and what people fell out about in those halcyon pre-social media days. Wink

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