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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why does she have a problem with me making an effort to do things with my kids?

218 replies

Neve81 · 15/10/2015 12:31

Afternoon, just posting really in order to vent as i'm rather ticked off with a friend of mine, well she's a friend of a friend really, I only see her when I meet up with our mutual friend and I occasionally speak with her on Facebook.

Basically I've posted on Facebook that i'm excited for the next couple of weeks as the kids are off for half term and I have lots of little activities planned, mainly centered around Halloween as we are Halloween obsessed lol. We are going on an organised spooky walk in the woods, to a Halloween session at jungle gyms, pumpkin picking down at our local farm, Halloween and fireworks night at our local garden centre and we are having a Halloween party at our house for family and some of the kids friends.

I'm a sahm whilst my dh's works full time so the last couple of years (used to work 60 hours a week previously) I've put a lot of time and effort into making things like Halloween and Bonfire night (and Xmas of course) lots of fun for my kids who are now 10 9 and 5 and I genuinely enjoy it, but as it turns out this "friend" of mine has a problem with this.

Not long after I'd posted on Facebook she posted something along the lines of "I can't understand why parents feel the need to go over the top every half term spoiling their kids with tons of days outs and for Halloween who the hell has a party and splashes out out on doing their house up, waste of money in my opinion, clearly these parents have too much time on their hands and are overcompensating for something by going overboard" Now this kind of made my blood boil as she was clearly having a go at me on the sly, and I can't understand why. We are both different, we do different
things with our kids and I just so happen to love getting out an about doing mostly free activities wheras her idea of spending half term with her three kids is plonking them in front of the tv or Xbox whilst she's playing games on her iPad. Now this is fine, it's up to her what she does but why judge me and try and belittle me?

OP posts:

OnlyLovers · 15/10/2015 15:15

Oh, just ignore her. What a bitch she sounds.

pictish · 15/10/2015 15:16

She's jealous and yes, sorry, you're smug. If you listed all that lot in the one post, I might have had an uncharitable whoopeefuckingdo moment in my head. But that's my problem.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 15/10/2015 15:17

Boasting isnt about cost is it? It could be how brainy pretty talented blah ...

Whathaveilost · 15/10/2015 15:18

I would just think 'fuck off!'

and then let it go and probably moan to my mate about it!

I had something similar where a friend of a friend bitched that I took my kids on too many holidays!! I had never took them out of school, all homework and stuff was up to date and there was no issues. Why stick your beak in? Go figure!!

squoosh · 15/10/2015 15:20

Its good for the sole.

fewer blisters I suppose.

Original poster

Neve81 · 15/10/2015 15:24

I'm sorry Sally but my children aren't you're children. They get plenty of down time during the school holidays but I refuse to sit in the house day in day out and to be honest they have tons of energy and much prefer being out and about. Sorry if that kind of thing bothers you or makes you feel inadequate, but as far as I'm concerned I'm not going "one better" than anyone, I'm just living my life with my kids who just so happen to be good kids, appreciate everything in life and if I want to treat them I bloody well will. I refuse to be made to feel like I'm bragging just because some parents cannot be arsed to do anything with their own kids.

OP posts:

MrsMook · 15/10/2015 15:27

Hide her from your newsfeed. Restrict what she sees from you.

It doesn't matter whether your plans are her cup of tea or not, there's no need for snide comments about them.

Only1scoop · 15/10/2015 15:31

I'm so glad I'm not on FB.

All very dating r worrying what people think etc.

ChipsandGuac · 15/10/2015 15:32

I have a friend, who in rl is absolutely lovely, but on FB is an absolute bore. Endless posts of what they have planned in the coming weeks. Then it's, "So excited! Today we're going to the corn maze and pumpkin patch!" Followed by a check in at the corn maze and pumpkin patch. And then 7002 photos of her kids with the same indenti-smile plastered on their faces.

Which would be fine except when I went with her on that trip, the only time her kids weren't fighting was when they were being made to stand together and plaster said fake smiles on their faces. I kind of felt sorry for her that she is so keen to get it FB perfect, I think she forgets to just relax and enjoy herself.

Not that this anecdote has anything to do with the thread

Only1scoop · 15/10/2015 15:32

That would be 'draining'

StellaAlpina · 15/10/2015 15:37

I like seeing people's days out with their children/cakes/crafts/fancy holidays on facebook. RL is miserable enough, I like looking at the things that make people smile :)

I put people who annoy me on limited profile and then don't worry about them anymore.

Most of my relatives live abroad so I can fully imagine myself posting all my days out on facebook once the bump is born! It's not showing off/being smug its sharing imo.

Isthereeverarightime1 · 15/10/2015 15:38

You don't sound smug, your week sounds fun...ignore her and carry on!

Costacoffeeplease · 15/10/2015 15:39

It does sound a bit boastful and 'look at what a good parent I am' when it's posted on FB - I don't really see the point, just get on with what you've got planned, it's not really of any interest to anyone else anyway

Only1scoop · 15/10/2015 15:39

Chips

I watched a family like that recently at a theme park. 'Tagging in' updating In every queue we saw them in. She even made everyone line up and commanded sad faces as they why leaving.

Draining

PennyPants · 15/10/2015 15:40

Enjoy your Dc while they're young. We did loads with ours and got slated for it. We enjoyed doing lots of stuff and so did they. We carried on anyway. Having fun and making memories. Nobody else's concern.

OnlyLovers · 15/10/2015 15:41

It does sound a bit boastful and 'look at what a good parent I am' when it's posted on FB

I have FB friends who post stuff like this and I do sometimes think 'Yawn' or 'Give it a rest' etc.

But there's a big difference between thinking things like that and posting passive-aggressive things about them.

LovelyFriend · 15/10/2015 15:41

Blimey OP that was a very snippy post directed towards Sally.

Do remember you did ask for opinions and Sally gave you hers quite nicely. It wasn't what you wanted to hear and so you quickly got quite aggressive and defensive towards her. There was no need.

But thanks for painting a clearer picture of what is REALLY going on ...

I review my earlier post - I think you really are very smug. You seem to feel the need to validate your activities and "wonderful parenting" by constantly banging on about it on FB. That kind of crap is bound to get on peoples tits. Your friend of friend is taking the piss out of you, but you were the one who made yourself a target for ridicule.

MerdeAlor · 15/10/2015 15:42

Posting about all your forthcoming plans is boastful. I don't know why, it just is.
Nothing to do with other peoples inadequacies, just lacking in taste. Lots of people have also said this. You asked the question and we answered. Meh.

lol

squoosh · 15/10/2015 15:44

All about people's inadequacies I'd bet.

lol.

squoosh · 15/10/2015 15:45

'lacking in taste'?!

lol x 2.

experiencedhider · 15/10/2015 15:45

Came on to say pretty much what LovelyFriend said. Sally was just putting forward a different point of view and didn't deserve such an abrasive reply.

Badders123 · 15/10/2015 15:51

It's lovely that you want to do stuff with your kids (and have the funds to so so)
I hope you have a good time.
I fail to see why you need to put your plans on FB, however.
Because doing that is bragging.
We have plans too.

I can assure you no one is being told about it until now!

PastaLaFeasta · 15/10/2015 15:51

you are starting to sound a tad judgemental, perhaps she's picked up on that too. There may be reasons why she doesn't do so much or just thinks the kids are happy having a bit more down time. But we should just let people get on with things as long as they aren't hurting anyone.

I wish I could do more with mine but physical issues make that difficult so I may appear like a "parent who cannot be arsed...", although it wouldn't be Halloween stuff and that's ok because we are all different. Glad I don't have facebook too.

NerrSnerr · 15/10/2015 15:53

Even if you didn't mean to sound smug it would really come across that way to some reading it. Yes, she was an arse but it really does sound like you were writing 'look how amazing I am with all the activities planned for my kids'.

Do your FB friends need to know or are they interested in your Halloween plans? I can't see how it's of interest to anyone apart from you, your husband and your children.

Only1scoop · 15/10/2015 15:54

By the way the 'plonking kids in front of Xbox and playing games on her iPad'

Sounds way way judgey.

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