Why does she have a problem with me making an effort to do things with my kids?

[Neve81]

Afternoon, just posting really in order to vent as i'm rather ticked off with a friend of mine, well she's a friend of a friend really, I only see her when I meet up with our mutual friend and I occasionally speak with her on Facebook.

Basically I've posted on Facebook that i'm excited for the next couple of weeks as the kids are off for half term and I have lots of little activities planned, mainly centered around Halloween as we are Halloween obsessed lol. We are going on an organised spooky walk in the woods, to a Halloween session at jungle gyms, pumpkin picking down at our local farm, Halloween and fireworks night at our local garden centre and we are having a Halloween party at our house for family and some of the kids friends.

I'm a sahm whilst my dh's works full time so the last couple of years (used to work 60 hours a week previously) I've put a lot of time and effort into making things like Halloween and Bonfire night (and Xmas of course) lots of fun for my kids who are now 10 9 and 5 and I genuinely enjoy it, but as it turns out this "friend" of mine has a problem with this.

Not long after I'd posted on Facebook she posted something along the lines of "I can't understand why parents feel the need to go over the top every half term spoiling their kids with tons of days outs and for Halloween who the hell has a party and splashes out out on doing their house up, waste of money in my opinion, clearly these parents have too much time on their hands and are overcompensating for something by going overboard" Now this kind of made my blood boil as she was clearly having a go at me on the sly, and I can't understand why. We are both different, we do different
things with our kids and I just so happen to love getting out an about doing mostly free activities wheras her idea of spending half term with her three kids is plonking them in front of the tv or Xbox whilst she's playing games on her iPad. Now this is fine, it's up to her what she does but why judge me and try and belittle me?

I've had a few of these pointed posts before I 'like' them with no comment that winds them up. Don't post anything as she wants a reaction a silence or a 'like' works better.

I shouldn't but I do wonder why people need to let everyone know about this stuff, it feels like they're saying 'ooh look I'm so super invoked and nurturing' it just seems smug. I think it stems from being brought up not to brag or blow your own trumpet so when I see these posts they catch my attention. But that said I wouldn't be snidey because I've also been brought up to not make people feel embarrassed.

Take no notice OP,jealousy is an ugly trate

We've had a Halloween party every year for about the past 12 years,the first time I ever held one I was on my own with 4DC and we'd gone to Halloween partys the two previous years.

Your friends not talking out of her mouth who has the time,we have 5DC and 3 of us our disabled now.Halloween is DH's favourite holiday so he decorates all the front garden and downstairs in the house.I'm usually left to sort out all the food,drinks,the carving of the pumpkins and the bits for the trick or treaters.

Christmas is my favorite time of the year and I've just realized that I sort all that out on my own,time to give DH a kick up the arse I think

I like knowing what my friends are up to. If they posted about a Halloween walk I might post "ooh where is it, can I come along?" Or think, sounds fab, might try that. Or just think rather you than me.

But that's because I like my friends, I enjoy hearing about their lives and their plans. If I ever read a status and though "I don't care what you're doing" then....not my friend.

I have a few friends who are the very epitome of facebook "smuggery" but honestly this doesn't sound like that OP, tbh I think we all engage in a certain level of smuggery on facebook. I know studies have shown that people mostly only post the good things about their lives on fb which can lead to a distorted picture of the perfectness of other fb friend's lives. I can understand people feeling more down about their own lives if they get drawn into comparing their FB lives.

For me, FB serves as a combined journal, friends' address book and a photo album of my family's life.

You're being called braggy for feeling the need to tell everyone about it. No one gives a fuck, get over yourself!

I post things we do to FB and days we go out on for me, and because I only have people I know in RL on my facebook. Admittedly, I may not have seen some of them for years, but I still know who each and every one is.
If my newsfeed pisses anyone off, they know where the hide button is.

Not smug at all, just sharing your plans and giving other people ideas! I love to read positive stuff and see fun pics. But yes everyone is different.. She is obviously feeling inadequate (not saying she should though) I can't stand the bitchy passive aggressive stuff. I would back off from her, she doesn't sound like someone who wants to see you happy.

Just reply 'aww what a shame that you don't like halloween, I guess you guys won't be coming to our party then Catch up with you another time'

Passive aggressive bullshit from a judgey pants "friend" who is probably jealous. Stick her in acquaintances or better still just restrict her. Doesnt sound as if she likes you anyway.

Hey all I'm going to spain next week and plan on going on lots of trips to Granada and Malaga and Marbella. The children have been excitedly learning their Spanish verbs and we will eat tapas every day!
Rolling your eyes?
You're all jealous !

grin

Nobody is complaining about people posting a picture and status of what they have done.It is just weird if they feel that they feel the need to publish their forthcoming engagements for the week.I thought iit is only the Queen that does that.

Ps If your 10 year old is a normal child I bet he would rather be playing on his Xbox than trailing round doing babyish halloween stuff

I detest FB and refuse to post on it, though I have an account to keep up with friend's doings.

I fail to see how it's smug or boastful to post advance plans. Seems like that has a chance of being useful in informing others of what sorts of events are going in, and/or cueing them to your availability (or lack thereof) for planning.

Posting AFTER the fact is what seems pointless and braggy to me... What's the point other than to pat oneself on the back?

How do you know her kids watch tv all day? Staying at home playing in the yard is a normal way to do holidays?

You would possibly think this of me, because I don't do "styled" parties, post on Facebook.

And Dd and I often have a movie or book day at home. We like it.

If your 10 year old is a normal child I bet he would rather be playing on his Xbox than trailing round doing babyish halloween stuff

Ugh. You sound like a ten year old yourself.

What you've got planned for your DC in the holiday sounds fab, and I bet they have a lovely time.

The thing about FB is - you have NO IDEA and NO CONTROL over how the things you post are perceived by Other People.

As you can see from this thread.

Some people think your plans sound fab. Some think they sound 'smug' and 'boastful'. Yours is not to understand why. It's just the way of the world.

With the best will in the world, some people won't 'get' you, just the way you won't 'get' some people.

But the minute you post about your life on social media, you open yourself up to judgement, criticism and even piss-taking. It's not great. There's only one solution, but most people aren't willing to go with it, because Facebook is just too addictive.

Wise words!

I don't really understand Facebook or why anyone would post anything about your life there. Surely if you were to bump into a friend while out on a spooky walk in the woods then you could share what you were at... If not, why would you want the world and his aunt to be aware of what you were up to?

Doesn't make you smug to post there; nothing you have done is offensive and your ideas sound lovely, but just why post?

This is more of a comment on FB than anything else really. And also a comment on my bafflement.

"I can't understand why parents feel the need to go making snide remarks about facebook posts that make them feel insecure about their parenting, waste of energy in my opinion, clearly these parents have too much time on their hands and are overcompensating for something by going overboard"

Post that.

Or simply delete her comment. I delete people's comments just to get under people's skin when they're being butts. No attention, nothing.

I don't really understand Facebook or why anyone would post anything about your life there. Surely if you were to bump into a friend while out on a spooky walk in the woods then you could share what you were at... If not, why would you want the world and his aunt to be aware of what you were up to?

We have family thousands of miles away, and their only way to know how DD is doing is through facebook. So we keep them updated on our lives and they keep us updated on theirs.

I also don't have annoying friends. You choose who you add, so I have a bunch of very pleasant people on my facebook who enjoy mutual sharing of children, dinner recipes, funny pictures, and life ramblings.

Thats precisely why I only have close friends and family on my Facebook feed!

Someone I didn't know well smugly bragging about her perfect plans for the half term, and someone making bitchy comments aimed at the first poster would really annoy me.

She shouldn't see your posts and you shouldn't see hers. Thats how I would sort it.

if it was my sister outlining her half term plans I would love to hear about them, but a friend of a friend doing the same would sound smug. So it's not what you put but who reads it that counts.

God FB sounds atrocious.

TBH, I would be much interested in half of what people post about - just because it's not that interesting to me. I would never tell them that though. It's just rude

Her post was attacking and stupid.

'Hey all I'm going to spain next week and plan on going on lots of trips to Granada and Malaga and Marbella. The children have been excitedly learning their Spanish verbs and we will eat tapas every day!
Rolling your eyes?
You're all jealous !'

dona

Why do people always go with the 'they/ you are jealous' line? There are many reasons why people get irritated with each other, claiming that it's all jealousy just seems such a facile response. According to the OP the other woman prefers to do not very much, so why would she be jealous of all the activities the OP has planned? Also why does the OP assume that the other woman's comments are just directed at her? Maybe she has lots of people on her new feed all posting about Halloween stuff and is just irritated by that?

Regardless she certainly doesn't sound very nice. I don't understand why she is even connected with the OP as they aren't friends, just acquaintances. OP do you have lots of friends of friends on facebook? I'd look to do a serious cull and stop advertising your future plans to a whole load of random people who almost certainly couldn't care less.

God FB sounds atrocious.

It's not FB. It is the people you are friends with!

We're off to Rome at half term. Have I put it on Facebook? No

Hope this helps