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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why does she have a problem with me making an effort to do things with my kids?

218 replies

Neve81 · 15/10/2015 12:31

Afternoon, just posting really in order to vent as i'm rather ticked off with a friend of mine, well she's a friend of a friend really, I only see her when I meet up with our mutual friend and I occasionally speak with her on Facebook.

Basically I've posted on Facebook that i'm excited for the next couple of weeks as the kids are off for half term and I have lots of little activities planned, mainly centered around Halloween as we are Halloween obsessed lol. We are going on an organised spooky walk in the woods, to a Halloween session at jungle gyms, pumpkin picking down at our local farm, Halloween and fireworks night at our local garden centre and we are having a Halloween party at our house for family and some of the kids friends.

I'm a sahm whilst my dh's works full time so the last couple of years (used to work 60 hours a week previously) I've put a lot of time and effort into making things like Halloween and Bonfire night (and Xmas of course) lots of fun for my kids who are now 10 9 and 5 and I genuinely enjoy it, but as it turns out this "friend" of mine has a problem with this.

Not long after I'd posted on Facebook she posted something along the lines of "I can't understand why parents feel the need to go over the top every half term spoiling their kids with tons of days outs and for Halloween who the hell has a party and splashes out out on doing their house up, waste of money in my opinion, clearly these parents have too much time on their hands and are overcompensating for something by going overboard" Now this kind of made my blood boil as she was clearly having a go at me on the sly, and I can't understand why. We are both different, we do different
things with our kids and I just so happen to love getting out an about doing mostly free activities wheras her idea of spending half term with her three kids is plonking them in front of the tv or Xbox whilst she's playing games on her iPad. Now this is fine, it's up to her what she does but why judge me and try and belittle me?

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley1 · 16/10/2015 07:53

She's jealous.

Ignore her.

Sallystyle · 16/10/2015 08:33

I'm such a bad mum I forgot half term was coming up!

Just block her OP.

Mintyy · 16/10/2015 08:43

Bloody hell! Do people really post detailed plans of what they are going to do with their kiddywinks in a couple of weeks time on Facebook just because they are excited? Really? It's like being forced to read a Mumsnet Christmas thread in October Wink.

I would have blocked you rather than comment if you were a "friend" of mine, op.

I don't think posts like that are smug or boastful I just find them massively inane.

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 16/10/2015 08:58

Your friend is not a nice person for posting that. Block her, it sounds like she doesn't like you.
But.. Why why why post a list of all the wonderful wholesome free outdoor activities you have planned if not to show what an awesome parent you are being?
If I were close to you I'd probably post "Oooooh smuggy smug pants Grin" to bring you back to earth a bit. If I wasn't then I'd be doing an eye roll.
Don't get me wrong- doing all those things it brilliant but Facebook posting about your plans comes across as boastful even if that isn't what you intended

Brioche201 · 16/10/2015 08:59

Since this is a friend of a friend what makes you think it is even targetted at you?

Marilynsbigsister · 16/10/2015 09:09

I don't have problems like this OP, for one single reason. I don't have and never have had Facebook. I have never felt the need to 'share' any aspect of my life with those who are not directly involved. If I'm having a party, taking my children sledging with Inuits or flying to the moon with them for half term, the only people who need to know anything are those invited and immediate family. Can't get my head around FB and on here it seems to cause more trouble than it's worth. Most baffling of all is the inconceivable notion that you can just delete it and avoid all this anxiety..think about it, no fb. You wouldn't have known what she has said. Simples !

NerrSnerr · 16/10/2015 09:14

Facebook does not cause problems. It's the people that a Facebook user chooses to be friends with that is a problem. Lots of us don't have arses on their FB feed (the braggy ones, the arsey ones and the ones inbetween) because we're Facebook friends with nice, normal people. I hate the smug posts about 'I'm so glad I don't have Facebook' but I guess they're friends with idiots so their FB feed would be annoying.

NerrSnerr · 16/10/2015 09:15

Facebook does not cause problems. It's the people that a Facebook user chooses to be friends with that is a problem. Lots of us don't have arses on their FB feed (the braggy ones, the arsey ones and the ones inbetween) because we're Facebook friends with nice, normal people. I hate the smug posts about 'I'm so glad I don't have Facebook' but I guess they're friends with idiots so their FB feed would be annoying.

NinaSimoneful · 16/10/2015 09:32

Thing is, if one of my FB friends posted about all the lovely things they're doing over mid-term or posted pics from their fortnight holiday to DisneyWorld or that they'd passed their driving test or their child did well in a competition I'd be happy for them. Because they're a friend.

I'm looking forward to seeing the pics of children dressed up for Halloween and I'll stick one up of DD dressed up. If someones good news on FB inspires negative thoughts then you'd be best off not being 'friends' with them.

CrumbledFeta · 16/10/2015 09:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirChenjin · 16/10/2015 09:49

I'm with Mintyy

What it is with sharing every single bit of minutiae on FB? I'm be rolling my eyes at you too OP. Brilliant you're Excited! about Halloween, but obviously she's finding it all a bit exhausting. Can't you just - y'know - do these things without posting about it weeks in advance?

And you might want to rethink the whole sahm thing. Those of us who work also manage to make our kids lives Fun! too - we're just too busy to post about it on FB.

LovelyFriend · 16/10/2015 09:53

I thought iit is only the Queen that does that.
Indeed :)

Goldmandra · 16/10/2015 10:06

Can't get my head around FB and on here it seems to cause more trouble than it's worth.

FB has been a godsend for me. I have found friends whose children have the same disability as mine. We share experiences and learn from each other's battles.

I have RL friends on there too; people who behave in an insightful and mature way and who share news I would like to hear.

On one occasion, one friend decided to post a PA comment which was a dig about a falling out between our DCs. My only response was to defriend her immediately. That solved that problem quickly and easily.

FB doesn't have to cause trouble if you are careful about your privacy settings, what you say and how you select your friends. It's quite like RL really.

NickiFury · 16/10/2015 10:10

I like FB. I don't get out much and it helps me stay in touch and keep up with what's going on. I get a lot out of it.

When ds was small (before FB or very early days at least) I put a pumpkin lamp out in our communal hall and decorated my door for DS for Halloween. My neighbour came upstairs with her two children and the kids were so excited to see the decorations. I heard her say to them "well L's mum doesn't have a job and go out to work all day like I do, she stays at home so she's got time to do all that kind of thing" Grin

So judgmental bitchery isn't just a FB thing.

Caprinihahahaha · 16/10/2015 10:21

I'm going to start posting my future plans on facebook.
I should be more Queen like.
I'm going to Borneo soon.
I expect lots of friends will want to know about that. I expect none of them will roll their eyes and think I'm a wanker.

Caprinihahahaha · 16/10/2015 10:22

Hahaha Nicki!
Great.
Grin

Hoppinggreen · 16/10/2015 10:28

It was a bitchy thing to post but to be honest I find it a bit annoying when people post things like that on FB. Plenty of us do loads of activities with our children at Halloween and other times but don't feel the need to list them so everyone can see what great parents we are.

Caprinihahahaha · 16/10/2015 10:31

"And you might want to rethink the whole sahm thing. Those of us who work also manage to make our kids lives Fun! too - we're just too busy to post about it on FB."

But SirChenjin some of us sahms are too busy too. Gin doesn't drink itself.

TheDowagerCuntess · 16/10/2015 10:42

You do tend to wonder ... the people who post a load of shiz on FB, do they think that those of us who don't, aren't actually doing anything...? Hmm

Do they think that we're all sitting inside, plonking our kids in front of the TV, purely because we're not posting blow-by-blows on FB?

RhodaBull · 16/10/2015 10:57

Gosh, and I thought I was a Great Mum because I've placed a pumpkin on the porch.

I get the feeling of being a bit anxious and panicked by other people's level of energy. Reading the applying to university threads... eek! There are loads of posts along the lines of, "We have done our personal statement" and "We are visiting three universities this weekend but we don't like option x" etc etc. What the hell is with the "we"? It makes me feel like a big fat failure because other people all seem to go around in a jolly group with their dcs all agreeing with each other and the dcs beaming with pleasure at their mother's efforts.

So, I might go "Hrrrrmmph" at someone's Extended Halloween Extravaganza, but I would restrain myself from posting anything snide. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all! (But you can think it, though...)

SirChenjin · 16/10/2015 10:57

Is that why sahp Exciting! plans are better than wohp - because you're generally pissed on gin??

I'm liking...

ToElleWithIt · 16/10/2015 11:12

Your activities sounds lovely and I hope your family really enjoy them.

However if I read your blow-by-blow itinerary on Facebook I would roll my eyes so hard that I'd see my brain. If you added a #sahm to the post (as seems to be a trend) then I'd secretly hope that you tripped over a pumpkin.

LovelyFriend · 16/10/2015 11:19

Well I must be Incredible Awesome Mum as not only do I work FT, I am a single parent and I manage to do loads of Halloween stuff and even half term activities with my DC.

Fucking hell I am more amazing than anyone at all in the world ever!!

Still not going to brag on FB though - this thread will have to do.

#DontHateMeCauseIamBetterThanYouAll
#NOTsahm

Brahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!

Only1scoop · 16/10/2015 11:25

Lovely

Think my pumpkin cup cakes with individual mechanical flying broomsticks attached may steal your thunder.

Anyway I'm off to tend to my own home grown organic pumpkin patch....

LovelyFriend · 16/10/2015 11:34

damn you and your superior mothering Only1scoop

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