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AIBU?

prostitute use

337 replies

BeatendownGF · 01/08/2015 08:09

I was talking to my DP of two years last night about stag dos and the issue of prostitutes came up. Whilst I am aware that DP received oral sex from a prostitute in Thailand a couple of years back, he has always maintained that he was in a bar (drunk) and the lady just got under the table and started doing her thing before he even realised what had happened. He also told me he viewed it as a stupid mistake. Whilst obviously not overjoyed by this, I could live with it because he regretted it and I thought he viewed it just as a stupid mistake.

However, last night it emerged that he also went to a brothel on the same holiday and received oral sex. He claims he hasn't lied to me and thought he had told me about the two incidents. I know this isn't true because it is not the sort of thing you forget really is it?

When I raised concerns about the fact that I felt he had lied to me he told me that he didn't see anything wrong with what he had done and that the majority of men would find it hard to resist sex on a plate. When I told him I thought he was better than that and that I felt he had exploited possibly vulnerable women (who often don't have a career choice) he told me that if he was single he would do the same again, as this is what happens on lads holidays and the ladies in Thailand were happy and could do worse than him.

AIBU to have lost trust in him and be devastated by his attitude?

OP posts:

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Mrsjayy · 01/08/2015 11:31

Oh my good god they might have preferred that to being in the rice fields all day where do you even start with that

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AuntyMag10 · 01/08/2015 11:33

Unlucky are you serious
I can't imagine those poor, vulnerable women really want to be doing that.
So it makes it ok because they need a job ffs?? And that makes it alright for the ops dp?

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KungFuhrer · 01/08/2015 11:38

I take it all you judgy people have never met any your just tilting your heads at all these "poor girls"

I have met and know many many prostitutes and there is not a single one that I have met that hasn't been terribly abused before entering the sex industry.

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Mrsjayy · 01/08/2015 11:39

These girls are often seen as surplus to their financially poor families so being a bar girl is seen as a way of feeding their families often sent at 14 to start work often younger but hey sucking a random tourists dick is a career choice its empowering and all that rubbish.

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QuiteIrregular · 01/08/2015 11:41

Aside from the unbelievable casual stereotype of 'working in the rice fields all day' how does 'they might prefer it to other terrible options' equal 'it's not exploitative'? Surely the definition of exploitation is taking advantage of a power imbalance - suggesting that the only other options were terrible means it is exploitative.

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AuntyMag10 · 01/08/2015 11:41

What Quite ^ said

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ahbollocks · 01/08/2015 11:43

I'm pretty sure none of these women were once little girls fantasising about the day they could grow up and leave home and make piss poor money sucking dicks underneath tables, surrounded by fag butts and empty shot glasses.

Would he be happy with his own dd growing up to do that job I wonder?

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achieve6 · 01/08/2015 11:44

OP "What I'm most upset about is the fact that he doesn't regret exploiting vulnerable women and would do it again. I thought he was better than that."

it's worse than that really, he thinks they should be privileged! you want to leave this one ASAP, sorry.

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yorkshapudding · 01/08/2015 11:49

Just seen he is 41 years old! I had an image in my head of a much younger man, maybe early 20's. He really is old enough to know better and a man of his age justifying this behaviour because he was on a "lads holiday" is pretty pathetic.

First he tells you it was one time and that he regrets it, views it as a stupid mistake. Then it turns out it was twice but like a total coward he tries to weasel out of it ("oh, did I not tell you about that, I'm sure I did ) rather than owning up to his earlier deception. Then he changes his tune completely and says he doesn't regret it, that he'd gladly do it again and that apparently Thai sex workers are just thrilled to have the opportunity to service someone like him (and why wouldn't they be, what with him being such a prince amongst men) so what's your problem? How can he be full of remorse and claim it was a "stupid mistake" and then be almost boastful in his shamelessness about the same behaviour later?

Leaving aside for one moment the question of whether you really want a misogynist and a 41 year old "lad" for a partner, can you even trust j after this? How can you believe anything that comes out of his mouth from now on? The way he has changed his story shows he clearly has a very casual relationship with the truth. I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out there was more to this.

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Mrsjayy · 01/08/2015 11:55

Sex tourists are all ages if the lads are off to thailand then its not for the sights imo

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Itsmine · 01/08/2015 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

penisland · 01/08/2015 11:57

He's an idiot for breaking the golden rule of 'what happens on tour stays on tour.' This is exactly the reason why.

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Itsmine · 01/08/2015 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

unlucky4marie · 01/08/2015 12:02

I can't imagine those poor, vulnerable women really want to be doing that.
You don't km now that they are poor and vulnerable, you've just decided they are and are being patronising.

Plenty of women in the third world countries choose the sex industry over local regional industries.

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Athenaviolet · 01/08/2015 12:03

100% deal breaker for me.

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WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 01/08/2015 12:04

What everyone else has said, ditch him.

Keep typing other stuff, but everyone has said it already.

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WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 01/08/2015 12:06

You're guessing the women he paid to suck him off on his hols, had alternative lucrative options and chose to suck cock because they love it.

Uh-huh.

What about the children in the sex industry in these places, are we to assume that they too are red-hot-keen. You are aware that many of these (almost certainly very young) women would have started in the industry as children, I assume. But as long as they're over, what, 14? 16? 18? when they suck off OPs partner it's all AOK and fine and dandy and they've got agency and choice and all the rest of it.

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Mrsjayy · 01/08/2015 12:07

Just because its an option doesnt make it right though the sex industry exploits women in every country saying we are head tilters is equally patronising unlucky prostitution ruins people it isnt right it should not be an option

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unlucky4marie · 01/08/2015 12:08

I'm not guessing or assuming anything unless I know their story.

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unlucky4marie · 01/08/2015 12:11

But you are all head tilters for someone you know nothing about other than she's Thai and gave a beej in a pub. I've known thai woman who hated the rural life and headed to the city in order to join the sex industry and were happy to do that rather than work their whole lives on a farm. They would be offended by most of you here.

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woowoo22 · 01/08/2015 12:11

Yuck. Dealbreaker.

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Mrsjayy · 01/08/2015 12:12

These women and girls are often drug addicts alchoholics turn to other crime recruit other girls when they are deemed to old to work get Aids other stis give birth to infected children and on and on it goes.

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WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 01/08/2015 12:13

So you don't think that western people should concern themselves about the abuses carried out in the sex trade overseas by mainly western men, then?

Who does it benefit to assume that all women, children and men in these jobs are really happy and up for it, when the statistics suggest otherwise?

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unlucky4marie · 01/08/2015 12:13

Wow at that generalisation. Must be so nice to just sit at home and judge and feel sorry for strangers.

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unlucky4marie · 01/08/2015 12:14

But I didn't assume all were happy. Im the only one making no assumptions for strangers.

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