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prostitute use

337 replies

BeatendownGF · 01/08/2015 08:09

I was talking to my DP of two years last night about stag dos and the issue of prostitutes came up. Whilst I am aware that DP received oral sex from a prostitute in Thailand a couple of years back, he has always maintained that he was in a bar (drunk) and the lady just got under the table and started doing her thing before he even realised what had happened. He also told me he viewed it as a stupid mistake. Whilst obviously not overjoyed by this, I could live with it because he regretted it and I thought he viewed it just as a stupid mistake.

However, last night it emerged that he also went to a brothel on the same holiday and received oral sex. He claims he hasn't lied to me and thought he had told me about the two incidents. I know this isn't true because it is not the sort of thing you forget really is it? Hmm

When I raised concerns about the fact that I felt he had lied to me he told me that he didn't see anything wrong with what he had done and that the majority of men would find it hard to resist sex on a plate. When I told him I thought he was better than that and that I felt he had exploited possibly vulnerable women (who often don't have a career choice) he told me that if he was single he would do the same again, as this is what happens on lads holidays and the ladies in Thailand were happy and could do worse than him.

AIBU to have lost trust in him and be devastated by his attitude?

OP posts:
BettyCatKitten · 01/08/2015 17:24

personally I couldn't be with someone who has used prostitutes.
What he has disclosed is probably the tip of the iceberg. I suggest you go to GUM clinic to be on the safe side.

reni1 · 01/08/2015 17:41

Yanbu, I would have lost trust in him, his attitude is dreadful. This would be a deal breaker for me, somebody with so little respect for fellow human beings could simply not be my partner. Sorry you fond this out about your dp.

araiba · 01/08/2015 18:55

most prostitutes in thailand are for local men. western men are a small percentage of total customers and centred in the main tourist areas.

every small thai town has at least 1 place that men can go to get a girl

they have a very different attitude to sex in thailand.

some girls do choose to do it because they can earn so much more than a job they would otherwise get

KungFuhrer · 01/08/2015 19:30

^^ don't believe that at all.

DisconcertedAndRetired · 01/08/2015 19:37

How do people feel, at an emotional level, about women being paid to be egg donors, or surrogate mothers?

I appreciate that some will simply lump these in the "unacceptable" category along with using prostitutes, but I'm not asking about simple categorisation, I want to know about relative reactions. I doubt that anyone has exactly the same level of reaction to all three. If you'd not be friends with a man who had used prostitutes, would you take them same approach to a woman who had used a paid egg donor, or surrogate mother?

I think both egg donation and surrogacy are a more extreme use of someone else's body than using them for sex, and must, if one is trying to be objectively moral, be worse. However I suspect that on average people here will disapprove of prostitution the most.

I doubt that most of those who disapprove of prostitution disapprove more strongly of paid egg donation or surrogacy, though logically they should.

KungFuhrer · 01/08/2015 19:41

I disagree with paid sex, paid egg donation and paid surrogacy.

Ubik1 · 01/08/2015 19:44


Are you 12?

Itsmine · 01/08/2015 19:48

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

araiba · 01/08/2015 19:48

"^^ don't believe that at all."

The thing about what i said is that it's true whether or not you believe in it.

BathtimeFunkster · 01/08/2015 19:48

I disagree with all equally and for the same reason - the commodification of women's bodies in a society where women are very far from being humans of equal importance to men.

Probably the one I judge the most harshly is paid surrogacy. How anybody could pay another human being to put their body through pregnancy and birth for money is beyond me.

It's like buying a kidney. Except worse.

KungFuhrer · 01/08/2015 19:51

The thing about what i said is that it's true whether or not you believe in it

Not according to the reports I read earlier.

FindoGask · 01/08/2015 19:59

I was an anonymous egg donor, twice. I wasn't paid, though. Although I made the decision to donate after the law was changed in the UK (to allow women to be paid expenses up to a maximum of some amount I can't remember), I strongly felt I didn't want the donation to become a transaction. Though I did have other reasons for wanting to donate - it was by no means a selfless decision.

I don't think disconcerted is talking drivel, or sounds like s/he is 12. It's an interesting comparison. I don't know whether I think paid egg donation is morally wrong, I just know it didn't sit right with me personally.

Itsmine · 01/08/2015 20:09

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BathtimeFunkster · 01/08/2015 20:35

I guess I see paid egg donation as more like paid blood donation - massively problematic because of the motivations it creates.

Egg donation and surrogacy is usually for females with fertility issues

That doesn't make it OK for rich women (and their husbands) to exploit poor women.

rabbitstew · 01/08/2015 21:09

You could say that paying someone else to carry a baby for you and give birth to it for you is pure, selfish gratification, tbh. The world doesn't actually need infertile people to have babies.

I wouldn't want to get anywhere near a man who had oral sex with Thai prostitutes because he's clearly a disease and fertility risk and has openly said that any man would have sex if offered to him on a plate, which means he is also guaranteed to be unfaithful and think that's OK.

RachelLunaMoon · 01/08/2015 21:15

I would be concerned that a- it may not have stopped at oral therefore sexual health concern and b- he doesn't seem to regret it or have matured in his attitude. It would definately upset me so no it's not unreasonable. However if your marriage is otherwise happy I would try and see if you can draw a line under it. Good luck! Xxxxxxx

Ev1lEdna · 01/08/2015 21:17

I don't think that you can judge him on what he did, pre-relationship

I think what is really bothering her is his attitude about it NOW. That aspect would bother me too. Then again I wouldn't be happy with anyone who spoke about women like that.

LassUnparalleled · 01/08/2015 21:17

Egg donation and surrogacy is usually for females with fertility issues
This will sound harsh but no woman needs a baby any more than a man needs sex. Being infertile doesn't give you any greater moral right to buy or use another person's body.

Altruistic donations of ova under a tightly regulated system such as the one applying in the U.K where , we can safely assume the donors are not doing it out of financial desperation are one thing; at the other extreme are the Australian couple who abandoned their Down's syndrome baby.

Then there is the Elton John and David Furnish situation. We equivocate here. We don't want to be nasty about them and certainly not about their child. We don't know the relationship with the mother. We can safely assume she will have been healthy, not drug dependant and is likely to have had the best health care money can buy. Whether she was paid or it was altruistic we don't know. Whether what they did is morally right we dodge.

Itsmine · 01/08/2015 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rabbitstew · 01/08/2015 21:23

I don't know - some men find it very difficult to find a woman to have a relationship with, almost as difficult as some women find it to conceive naturally.

Itsmine · 01/08/2015 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rabbitstew · 01/08/2015 21:27

Oral sex is very risky, though - I'll bet it was unprotected and therefore he was exposed to whatever sexually transmitted infection the prostitute was carrying at the back of her throat and in her saliva. Gonorrhoea, chlamydia, HIV, syphilis, HPV...

rabbitstew · 01/08/2015 21:27

So, is it morally acceptable only to pay a prostitute enough to cover her costs?...

LHReturns · 01/08/2015 21:40

I would forgive what he did before he met you, when he was single on a boys trip. It is not your OH's fault that this is almost a rite of passage for certain groups of lads who go to Bangkok, plenty of peer pressure, and these women literally sit in their laps and lick their faces until they say yes (christ it happened to me myself one night - I am female - and I was almost tempted just to make her go away!).

OH is one of many millions of men who have scratched an itch in this way - and there would have been nothing vulnerable in how she dealt with him and the transaction. If he was genuinely single at the time, and you know he didn't catch anything (because he was tested before you did anything with him), then I would rather that then some history of being violent to or cheating on women.

The lying and evasiveness is not ideal, but maybe when he first told you he wanted you to like him, so gave a watered down version. That could be a deal breaker, but not automatically. Depends on how trustworthy he is generally, I would say (if I were in your shoes).

Allofaflumble · 01/08/2015 21:43

I doubt very much that the idea it was a ladyboy would bother him anyway.

I read an article about a trans prostitute (but still with the willy) and they said that their best customers were straight married men. The men loved the cock

They were worried that having the penis removed would lead to a loss of income.
I Dont think I could trust a man like the one in OP post.

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