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prostitute use

337 replies

BeatendownGF · 01/08/2015 08:09

I was talking to my DP of two years last night about stag dos and the issue of prostitutes came up. Whilst I am aware that DP received oral sex from a prostitute in Thailand a couple of years back, he has always maintained that he was in a bar (drunk) and the lady just got under the table and started doing her thing before he even realised what had happened. He also told me he viewed it as a stupid mistake. Whilst obviously not overjoyed by this, I could live with it because he regretted it and I thought he viewed it just as a stupid mistake.

However, last night it emerged that he also went to a brothel on the same holiday and received oral sex. He claims he hasn't lied to me and thought he had told me about the two incidents. I know this isn't true because it is not the sort of thing you forget really is it? Hmm

When I raised concerns about the fact that I felt he had lied to me he told me that he didn't see anything wrong with what he had done and that the majority of men would find it hard to resist sex on a plate. When I told him I thought he was better than that and that I felt he had exploited possibly vulnerable women (who often don't have a career choice) he told me that if he was single he would do the same again, as this is what happens on lads holidays and the ladies in Thailand were happy and could do worse than him.

AIBU to have lost trust in him and be devastated by his attitude?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 03/08/2015 08:45
LumpySpacedPrincess · 03/08/2015 10:18

How can we even hope to fight the problem if we are not even allowed to name it?

No wonder the UK has the lowest rape conviction rate in Europe.

loolah83 · 03/08/2015 12:17

So long as dickheads like this get off with crimes like this here in the UK, sexual exploitation of women in developing countries will continue to be brushed off. No wonder so few people report these sorts of incidents.


JustTheRightBullets · 03/08/2015 12:32

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LassUnparalleled · 03/08/2015 13:56

He didn't "get off" . He was convicted, he has a criminal record, he will be on the sex offenders register and if he commits any other offence the 3 year suspended sentence will kick in.

I know victims of crime in Scotland make a victim statement. As far as I know and from information about how VPS works in NI , the VPS should not make any comments on sentencing which is a matter for the judge. A trivial crime might have a significant personal effect (e.g a burglary of low value items from an empty house with no damage done may well still be traumatic for the victim) or a serious crime may equally have little personal effect ( a person of say strong Christian beliefs may be wiling and able to forgive a serious assault )

If the sentencing was influenced by the victim saying she didn't want to see a jail sentence imposed that would seem to be wrong.

As for the wife, it's blind stupidity, not just blindness. The victim is free to forgive if she wishes but her forgiveness should not have any bearing on the sentence.

JustTheRightBullets · 03/08/2015 14:12

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INickedAName · 03/08/2015 14:27

If the sentencing was influenced by the victim saying she didn't want to see a jail sentence imposed that would seem to be wrong.

I agree, I don't think it should happen.

I'd also be worried that the victim is saying that because of pressure from people involved, esp where the attacker is known to the victim. Like a "you can stop him having his whole life ruined for a mistake" type thing. Another way of holding the woman responsible I guess.

JustTheRightBullets · 03/08/2015 14:34

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RosePetels · 03/08/2015 14:36

In countries like Thailand there are prositutes rings run by gangsters and its against their will.
Very wrong of your OH to say the lady enjoyed it, she probably had no choice.

queenofthebored · 03/08/2015 15:03

I lived in Thailand for a few years, I knew both male and female sex workers, some quite well - mainly as I lived in a Thai area rather than an ex-pat one and got to know them outside of their sex work rather than because of it iyswim. We often talked about how they made their living in conversation

I'm not going to get into a long discussion re the ethics of it but I did want to make the following points,

  1. Underage prostitution is a sad reality however the bars are heavily regulated and the girls working them, at least for want of a better way of of putting it "on display" are legal, what goes on behind closed doors is a different matter

2. The sole reason why they engage in sex work is for money, whether co-erced into it or whether its undertaken for a set period i.e. to pay uni fees or a large hospital bill or whether its a lifestyle choice one young man I knew through teaching him English made an incredibly good living but he was an exception

Because they offer sexual acts for money rather than for "fun" I find it incredibly hard to believe that a sex worker gave oral sex for free to someone who didn't show any interest or offered a financial incentive , I believe OP this is the first of many lies you have been told.

3. The women, men and kathoey (ladyboys) who undertake this work are often demeaned, degraded and mocked by their clientele - witnessing this on a regular basis made me full of contempt and loathing for the kind of men who use their services - to them people are objects to be used and abused, its not sex, its not love basically it boils down to wanking but using a person not your hand. This contempt for women to me is carried through this sort of mans entire dealings with women its just that in Thailand and other such places its easier for them to behave this way - both you and they deserve better
loolah83 · 03/08/2015 15:31

Well, yes, I agree he hasn't entirely been let off...but he's been spared jail. The victim being a family friend would know that he has young kids (not mentioned in article, but they have at least one child around 5yo) and wouldn't want them to be without a dad...especially since wife has decided to stick with him. The mind reels.

My point, though I didn't express it very well, is that these sorts of incidents tend to go unreported as they usually happen at house parties where drink etc has been taken, so many men get away with doing it.

LassUnparalleled · 03/08/2015 19:27

^^ I agree with your last paragraph and from the result here it may not be worth it although the conviction will have consequences for him.

I see he is the owner of a firm called "Alternative Weddings"- one can only hope that at the very least this will ruin his business.

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